mellowchick

So my journey continues. I wanted to focus on me and my unborn baby. Shortly after getting to my moms, I miscarried. I think it was a little over 2 weeks of being at moms. I was angry, hurt, felt letdown and I was begining to rage inside. I took time to focus on me. I started meeting people and venturing out. I started to live again. I tucked my pain away, thought if I ignored it, it would all go away. I found drugs again. Lorcet, soma and xanax. What I later learned was a deadly cocktail. Xanax became my best friend. I never left home without it. I had no feelings and I couldn't remember much of anything. Perfect! I did well for a long time but eventually I needed more to get the results I wanted. I started getting sloppy and no longer cared. I wanted to die. One early morning in march my dad got up to find me passed out at the table in a bowl of ramen noodles, emt's came to the house and I was rushed to the e.r. My diagnoses was an accidental overdose. Yeah right! I lied to my family about going to outpaitent treatment. I kept feeding my demons. In july of the same year, I did it again only to wake up once again in the e.r. I raged when I came to. Diagnoses- intentional overdose. In november of the same year I found cocaine again and I did something I said I'd never do. Shooting up. Less than 24 hours of shooting, I overdosed again. It was my last overdose. This went on until february of the next year. I was homesick and just wanted to hear my moms voice. My dad answered and I talked to him. Before I got off the phone with him I told him I needed help and I was going to die if I didn't. I don't know what came over me at that moment but it was the hardest thing I ever did. I just admitted I had a problem! I was on a bus the next day headed to my moms with no questions asked. My mom has been my rock. I put her through hell along with my family. But they stuck by my side. I'm 21 months clean and sober today. It isn't a long time but its a great achievement to me. I've worked hard to get here. One day at a time.