WMJ1012

Was at a great Big Book Steps meeting last night on Step 3. Went to bed and awoke this morning realizing on a deeper level I cannot be both the Principal and the agent.

In my case this means having a need to be more "myself", my Real Self, than I have been over the past several years - no matter how uncomfortable and scary it is that people might not like me, might hurt me or say something that makes me angry.

Outgrowing my people-pleasing with Gods help and spiritual principles has been the hardest thing of all for me.

Reading about the Actor again last night (which I do often!), I saw it in a deeper way. "Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?"

Even when I'm able to arrange people and no one hurts me or retaliates, I'm still pissing people off and making enemies and later on it comes back to bite me, not to mention I'm making myself sicker as I do it, every time.

There was a time I got really well in AA but I became scared again. Yesterday through people and events and last night through the meeting, God brought me through situations and people and the Big Book meeting a clear understanding that it's truly not other people who are the problem, it's me.

I'm a beginner each new day. Today God I ask You for the courage to be myself and to outgrow my problems, and to not forget these truths. I don't want to be a Control Freak. Help me remember YOU are the Director. YOU are my boss. YOu are the Principal and I am your employee, agent and child.

Help me to step out in Faith and know I will be safe and protected by You when I am honest.

Gottalife

When I made the third step decision it was for the reasons you outlined. I was a crap manager, so I better appoint a new one. I also quit as manager because there are a series of promises around the third step that come into play if I put my decision into effect. They give me a glimpse of what life will be like in the future, but I had to stick close to Him and perform His work well. And the first job he had for me was step four, the first step to making my decision a reality.

I have only ever made this decision once, though I reaffirm it when I am taking someone through the steps. Confirmation I had actually taken step three came when I started on step four.

keithj

That line was a real eye-opener for me. I had to look at my life and see the truth of it. At that time, it was very easy to see the chaos all around me. Everybody was worse off for their interaction with me. That's an incredibly powerful realization about how well I was running the show, even in my best moments with my best intentions. Good stuff!

WMJ1012

Yep
I hear ya keith
The road to hell is paved with good intentions

Tommyh

I used to say the road to the bar was paved with my good intentions,my good intentions never kept me sober or happy