TimeNeedsTime

Hey guys,

So a quick lowdown. Im six years sober, and havent had a wobble until last week. See part of my mentality while getting sober was the idea of when I could drink. Obviously these ideas were outrageous. Aliens landing, Terminal illness, or the end of the world as we know it. Now I find myself, and as we all have, staring into the end of the world as we know it.

Now i know it might not be that way, but it has knocked me sideways. Its messed with my sobriety. I was soooo close to buying a bottle of vodka a few days back for a just incase scenario.

Do I sound crazy to you guys?

Anyway a little about me. A raging alcoholic for the best part of 30 years. Took me a looong time to hit rock bottom. Give a man a shovel and he will keep on digging.
I was that guy.
Did the whole treatment scene. Outpaitent for a few months then aftercare for a year. Did a lot of acupuncture, and wore out several shoes going to meetings. This also helped me shed 3 stones in weight.

Been lurking here for a while now and with the current crisis, both personal and for us all I thought I would sign up to share with you all and maybe learn some more in the process.

You guys seem to run a great resource here, I hope I can add something to it as a way of saying thankyou.

least

Welcome to the family! Not surprising that you're feeling iffy, there's a crisis happening to all of us. It's normal to want to escape, as long as you don't let those thoughts become actions.

I like to read and watch videos and walk my dog when I'm restless. Especially walking my dog. The exercise and sunshine and fresh air does us both a world of good.

I would suggest you remind yourself of the reason(s) you got sober in the first place. I'm sober over 10 yrs and still have a clear picture of how awful I felt after my last relapse. I know very well that I don't want to go back there.

fini

nah, you don’t sound crazy to me. at all.
however, you do sound like someone who has made sobriety conditional on certain things not happening, which means, really, that you have left the door open.
the clearest example of that, to me, is the one of terminal disease. because unless you are killed in some kind of accident, you will eventually have a terminal disease, or at least a disease that will be terminal to you.
we all do.

so it’s great you’re showing up here, checking things out.

it gives you a good shot at grappling with the forever-sobriety concept, contingent on no outside events.

welcome aboard!

johnnyt53

Thanks Time, I needed to hear that. The AV in my head could have an easy time with me in these troubled times if I let it. I choose not to go down that rabbit hole today. I got on here to help and be helped. To get out of myself and my head. I've done some zoom meetings but have stayed close to my sponsor calling him most days and others in my home group. I relapsed after 5 years twice. Nothing bad was happening the first time and the second time was shortly after my mom had died. I've been sober now for 27 months. I tell my self, "no matter what". What good would it do me really if I chose to drink. I might get some relief for a very short time but it would disappear in the blink of an eye and then the aftermath and who knows where that would end. I'm grateful your here reaching out and I'm grateful to be here or anywhere today.

awuh1

I kept thinking about the phrase "the end of the world as we know it" in your post. I don't think it's quite that bad, but it may look like it by the end of the month. Predictions are that things will get worse until that point, but then, level out with the danger greatly diminishing.

After the 1918 pandemic was finally over things snapped back quickly (economically at least).

The only constant in the world is change itself. Without it we could not grow. I hope you find an opportunity in it. Perhaps your participation here on soberrecovery is that opportunity.

TimeNeedsTime

Thanks for the responses guys. All level headed and with a good deal of truths thrown in for good measure.

Hey fini, about the conditional sobriety. see now this ' idea ' was very early on in my journey, it was a coping mechanism of sorts I suppose. Also it had been working out very well until last week. So well that ive never had to even think about it until now with the current situation we all find ourselves in.

I refrained anyway guys, i even came clean to my family. Que very disapointed looks and some very cross words. But i got through it.

These are crazy times that are causing a lot of crazy thinking around the world. This is my two cents worth. Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. it means a lot.

Dee74

Hi and welcome TimeNeedsTime

I often say thoughts are thoughts- it's what we do with them that counts.
I had to make my recovery unconditional - it just seems to work easier that way.

For what it's worth a lot of people at the end of 1919 after a world war and a pandemic thought they were living through the end times...and they got the Roaring 20s instead...

It will take time and concerted effort but I think we'll get through this

D

theVman31

Six years sober is fantastic.
I don't have anything to add to all the above if not a big welcome and you deffo dont sound crazy.
Stay safe
Vinny

Reid82

Well done on your six years sober. Sounds like you've put in a huge amount of work into your recovery. A drink wouldn't solve any of the problems we all face now and like awuh1 has mentioned, this won't last forever, even though it seems it might.

Stay on track, I think you know now that the benefits will be a lot better.

aasharon90

There were many times in my 20's that I tried to
stop drinking to only fail one too many times. It
wasnt until i was placed into the hands of those
capable of teaching me about addiction and hand
me a guideline to live by that I got sober and have
remained sober for 29 yrs now.

We go thru changes and stages in recovery. With
the guideline of a recovery program taught to me
while in a 28 day rehab stay with a 6 week aftercare
program completed, I took that knowledge and began
incorperating it in all my daily affairs to achieve many
of lifes rewarding gifts to enjoy today.

Over the yrs as I have remained teachable and honest
in all my affairs to best of my human ability, I have morphed
into becoming the best person I can be today not only
for myself but to others around me.

I'm not perfect, but I strive to be a good, kind, caring, humble
person i want to be in this life using the tools and knowledge
of my recovery program as my guideline helping me grow and
change accordingly.

6 yrs sober is an awesome accomplishment and achievement
as you continue on your own recovery journey building a strong
solid foundation to live your life upon for years to come.

Good Job...!!!!

Hevyn

Good morning, TNT - it's so good to have you with us.

This has thrown us all off course, so your thoughts & feelings seem normal to me. I'm glad you came here to talk about what's going on. We're here to encourage you to not let go of your precious sobriety. Like you, I drank 30 yrs. We've been strong & brave up until now - we must treasure being sober no matter what's going on out there. Keep on reading & posting - you found a great place.

DriGuy

I'm with fini on this one. It sounds like you are leaving the door open to an extraordinary craving. Thankfully, you didn't respond to it, because even with six years under your belt, you can still be tempted by your AV, and your AV never says anything worth listening to, ever, even if it wakes up from it's grave and comes back as a zombie.

No crisis can be solved with alcohol, least of all one of Biblical proportions. And you don't need a bottle in the house, anyway. I see that you can now have alcohol delivered to your door. This is not because alcohol is necessary in anyone's life, but because its a way for someone to make money during a pandemic.

It's more likely that it's not you that is crazy, but that the world around you is a little crazy, or just greedy, or really doesn't care what you do to yourself. But you can take care of yourself. Hang in there.

bexxed

I haven’t had the wobble you’ve described, but I think it’s important to keep saying that this is not the end of the world. It’s the end of something, because no society can come out of such an upheaval unchanged, but it’s not the end of the world. It will pass, at some point, and not as soon as US politicians say it will (sorry) but at some point, most of us will stagger out of our isolation chambers and put ourselves back together again.

For me, I’m really happy that when that day comes, I will be sober. I will also however be different than I was before... I may never shake hands again lol, I will be germophobic and might avoid crowds. But I will not have spent my time in isolation drinking.

I totally get you btw. Our circumstances are insane. It is not the end of the world though so your alcoholic voice needs to go back in the corner and out it’s head down,

wiscsober

TimeNeedsTime You will certainly get the help and support you need here.

With all of your experiences helping others will certainly help you live sober in these changing times.

Read a lot post often. Make some threads a part of your daily routine.

zoobadger

21 months sober after a lifetime of alcohol abuse.

When I have my "moments" I try to ask myself "what's the upside?"

I'm way past the point where drinking resolves the shakes and panic of abstinence. The momentary high of drinking, in my case, is always disappointing because I either crave more drinking and abstain - which is painful - or I give in and drink excessively which is downright miserable.

And I KNOW I can't just have a few and then go back to sobriety. When I contemplate drinking I want to guzzle straight vodka. It might be the image of people responsibly enjoying a glass of wine on TV or a movie that induces the temptation, but if I'm honest with myself, I don't want to sip wine. I want to dump as much vodka down my gullet as fast as possible. No healthy person wants to do that.

There's just no benefit, no upside. It's not fun and hasn't been fun for 20 years. It causes rather than relieves pain. It makes me sick. It just sucks.

I still feel that deep, gnawing urge, nonetheless, but even a moment of rational analysis reminds me why I quit in the first place. I don't meditate routinely but I stop and do a moment of meditation when I have those thoughts which also helps.

Bilbao

So many of us seem to have been knocked sideways by the current situation, myself included. Earlier this week was as close as I have come to picking up the bottle again - I think it's something to do with "these aren't normal times so normal rules don't apply any more".

I can identify with zoobadger's post above completely. The "What's the upside?" technique is very helpful for me as well.

Plure

Welcome! Good group here and yeah I think many of us have been knocked sideways with what's going on in the world. I do believe it will pass and then you will be happy to say, I made it through without drinking! Six years is awesome; keep on going!

fini

"Hey fini, about the conditional sobriety. see now this ' idea ' was very early on in my journey, it was a coping mechanism of sorts I suppose. Also it had been working out very well until last week. So well that ive never had to even think about it until now with the current situation we all find ourselves in."

yes, i hear you on that, and also it is often recommended to only concentrate on "today" for staying sober.
i always knew that if i had that approach, the door would always be open for tomorrow. in my mind, that would translate into " i can drink tomorrow", and i'd be living in that mindset, pushing that burden ahead of me.
i wanted and needed to be rid of that burden entirely. forever.

i do understand the "living life one day at a time", but i don't equate it to "i only need to be sober for today, and tomorrow can be renegotiated. "

i couldn't have gotten sober that way nor did i want that.

but you DID get sober that way, and you have years. Fantastic! so now...sounds like you will have to do the work some of us had to do at the beginning, in order to remove those contingencies and not keep hanging on to the possibility of drinking as something you will do, depending on external conditions.