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I have to disagree with that last post. I avoid people who have shown through repeated actions in my presence to be predominantly negative, gossipy, or who try using fear to control me or others.
Life is too short to spend it with contentious people. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't want to be around that energy.
Life is too short to spend it with contentious people. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't want to be around that energy.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Wollongong NSW
Posts: 241
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
I have to disagree with that last post. I avoid people who have shown through repeated actions in my presence to be predominantly negative, gossipy, or who try using fear to control me or others. Life is too short to spend it with contentious people. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't want to be around that energy.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
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'Life is too short to spend it with contentious people. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't want to be around that energy.'
^^^ This...
Fear has nothing to do with my POV, and recommendation to Elizabeth. What I was tersely suggesting is that she trust her Gut, and stay clear of non-uplifting People. She described a Pal as what I would call negative. I've learned here on SR to stay clear of non-supportive types by a Country Mile. Many others Post the same POV.
I especially reject the notion expressed here over time that possessing good judgement about People, or exercising choice, somehow represents some internal 'Fault' I need to change. Ain't buyin' it. Primarily, due to advanced age, and lotsa Life experience.
There's only so much time in a day. So, I hang with those I admire and respect. And, I don't wring my Hands over my choices to do so. I don't eat Food a 2nd time I don't like. I'll try about anything, and that goes for giving People a very fair chance when first meeting them. Thereafter, the Chips fall where they may...
People that make Elizabeth feel low don't deserve her time, IMO. At least right now. They are to be avoided, just as surely as Drinkers trying to suck her back into that Life are to be avoided.
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'Life is too short to spend it with contentious people. I'm not afraid of them, I just don't want to be around that energy.'
^^^ This...
Fear has nothing to do with my POV, and recommendation to Elizabeth. What I was tersely suggesting is that she trust her Gut, and stay clear of non-uplifting People. She described a Pal as what I would call negative. I've learned here on SR to stay clear of non-supportive types by a Country Mile. Many others Post the same POV.
I especially reject the notion expressed here over time that possessing good judgement about People, or exercising choice, somehow represents some internal 'Fault' I need to change. Ain't buyin' it. Primarily, due to advanced age, and lotsa Life experience.
There's only so much time in a day. So, I hang with those I admire and respect. And, I don't wring my Hands over my choices to do so. I don't eat Food a 2nd time I don't like. I'll try about anything, and that goes for giving People a very fair chance when first meeting them. Thereafter, the Chips fall where they may...
People that make Elizabeth feel low don't deserve her time, IMO. At least right now. They are to be avoided, just as surely as Drinkers trying to suck her back into that Life are to be avoided.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Wollongong NSW
Posts: 241
One of my main points here is how we decide who is a contentious person or who is a non uplifting person?
Are we offended by opposing viewpoints or by those we think are deliberately being offensive to bring us down. I would argue that my first point is the most likely cause and the second point is rare and somewhat of a myth. I would agree that life is too short, but suggest its too short not to learn and deal with contentiousness without running away from it or avoiding it.
Lets explore by what is meant by uplifting people, what does this actually mean? Are we talking about people who have the same beliefs we do, are we talking about people who challenge us or people who are kind, what is it exactly??
Are we offended by opposing viewpoints or by those we think are deliberately being offensive to bring us down. I would argue that my first point is the most likely cause and the second point is rare and somewhat of a myth. I would agree that life is too short, but suggest its too short not to learn and deal with contentiousness without running away from it or avoiding it.
Lets explore by what is meant by uplifting people, what does this actually mean? Are we talking about people who have the same beliefs we do, are we talking about people who challenge us or people who are kind, what is it exactly??
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by samseb5351
Lets explore by what is meant by uplifting people, what does this actually mean? Are we talking about people who have the same beliefs we do, are we talking about people who challenge us or people who are kind, what is it exactly??
On the other hand, growth opportunities can come from anyone and can include challenges to my beliefs, character, personal boundaries, or way of life. Sometimes it is good to engage with these situations. Sometime it is necessary. However, in no way do I want to engage with them all the time - fear or no fear. Often times I simply prefer life when I avoid them. I also know through experience that engaging too much with negative people can result in my own self becoming negative or picking up their bad habits.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Wollongong NSW
Posts: 241
Yes Jazz I agree.
There is certainly a balance, for the most part its a choice, maybe not an easy choice about where we find ourselves but a choice about our reactions. There is no doubt what I have worked on the most and what seems to have longer term benefits is a mindful awareness of this choice and perhaps "avoid" is not the best word to describe my choice. Its kind of like crossing a road for me, crossing a road is dangerous sometimes but to get from A to B I have learnt to negotiate the safest way to do so without avoiding the action itself ( never crossing would be the safest in one respect but not practical in another). Its the same with recovery for me, its not really about avoiding people but negotiating the process of my interaction, seeing past my own gut annoyances and getting to know stuff about my self and others.
There is certainly a balance, for the most part its a choice, maybe not an easy choice about where we find ourselves but a choice about our reactions. There is no doubt what I have worked on the most and what seems to have longer term benefits is a mindful awareness of this choice and perhaps "avoid" is not the best word to describe my choice. Its kind of like crossing a road for me, crossing a road is dangerous sometimes but to get from A to B I have learnt to negotiate the safest way to do so without avoiding the action itself ( never crossing would be the safest in one respect but not practical in another). Its the same with recovery for me, its not really about avoiding people but negotiating the process of my interaction, seeing past my own gut annoyances and getting to know stuff about my self and others.
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