Diary of a day 1 trapdoor
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Hi fini and Robby, Dee, et al:
Thanks fini for looking out for me....yes, I'd dropped off even reading on SR let alone posting. Especially in the last few weeks of the last relapse. It went from about mid July - with a couple of abortive attempts in the middle of it, to stop and stay stopped; they only lasted for four days and a less than two days respectively.
It ended on 18 Sept, nearly two months to the day when I drank immediately after coming out of a week's detox in rehab. So up until coming home this Tuesday 8 October, I've been in a different rehab hospital. I could only stay there 20 days, as I acquired a heavy cold outta the blue whilst in there. It immediately went to my lungs, causing an exacerbation of my emphysema, which I'm still recovering from.
Talk about 'illness as metaphor' (Susan Sontag)! I'm still sitting with just WHAT the metaphor /teaching is, in this sudden contingency which I felt derailed my efforts in rehab. I was in bed for most of the 3rd week there, so couldn't take part in anything. So I discharged with doctor's agreement.
Now back home - with some FRESH AIR (hospital totally airconditioned and with very little outdoor spaces), my doggie Bess - who'd stayed in kennels all that time, my books and little garden. Sleep several times a day, take my antibiotics / steroids, 'do' very little due to massive fatigue for much of the day.....but I'm starting my 24th day of sobriety.
Ahhhhhh.....relief, from the tormented addictive day-by-day trapdoor.
Now, I just live hour by hour, being both sick - and not-sick, if that makes sense. Just being. Everything changes, and all things pass. Just not when WE insist they do, both for good or ill. They just are.
xxxxx
Vic
Thanks fini for looking out for me....yes, I'd dropped off even reading on SR let alone posting. Especially in the last few weeks of the last relapse. It went from about mid July - with a couple of abortive attempts in the middle of it, to stop and stay stopped; they only lasted for four days and a less than two days respectively.
It ended on 18 Sept, nearly two months to the day when I drank immediately after coming out of a week's detox in rehab. So up until coming home this Tuesday 8 October, I've been in a different rehab hospital. I could only stay there 20 days, as I acquired a heavy cold outta the blue whilst in there. It immediately went to my lungs, causing an exacerbation of my emphysema, which I'm still recovering from.
Talk about 'illness as metaphor' (Susan Sontag)! I'm still sitting with just WHAT the metaphor /teaching is, in this sudden contingency which I felt derailed my efforts in rehab. I was in bed for most of the 3rd week there, so couldn't take part in anything. So I discharged with doctor's agreement.
Now back home - with some FRESH AIR (hospital totally airconditioned and with very little outdoor spaces), my doggie Bess - who'd stayed in kennels all that time, my books and little garden. Sleep several times a day, take my antibiotics / steroids, 'do' very little due to massive fatigue for much of the day.....but I'm starting my 24th day of sobriety.
Ahhhhhh.....relief, from the tormented addictive day-by-day trapdoor.
Now, I just live hour by hour, being both sick - and not-sick, if that makes sense. Just being. Everything changes, and all things pass. Just not when WE insist they do, both for good or ill. They just are.
xxxxx
Vic
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Hi Vic.
I just read this tread in its entirety and what a thread it is.
How are you doing?
I wish I could offer something to you that would help, but you seem well versed in the recovery literature. I too have read a lot of the literature and just couldn't stay sober. I could get sober, but not stay that way.
Please take care of yourself. You have a gift with writing.
I just read this tread in its entirety and what a thread it is.
How are you doing?
I wish I could offer something to you that would help, but you seem well versed in the recovery literature. I too have read a lot of the literature and just couldn't stay sober. I could get sober, but not stay that way.
Please take care of yourself. You have a gift with writing.
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