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Old 04-27-2009, 01:36 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Freepath View Post
Whatever it is that provokes you to drink is something that you need to consider very carefully. I’ve read suggestions such as making a pledge to yourself that “I promise that if [whatever whatever…] happens I will not drink.

Having said that, look at what a wonderful situation we have here. We have a forum where we can find other people who are recovering from addiction, and who have a secular identity. It seems to me that we don’t always have that luxury in life. The people that we meet at work or in school or wherever may not have specific values, beliefs or goals similar to our own.

I have had to deal with multiple people at my job who are addicted. When you are not high or drunk, and you are talking to someone who is, it’s like talking in circles.
“You shouldn’t drink that right now, we have XYZ to do…”
“Well if I only have one, then it shouldn’t be a problem.’
“Yeah, I know, but you’ve already had one, and now you want another.”
“Sure but since I’m only going to have one more, it won’t really make a difference.”
No matter how much evidence can demonstrate problems in the life of a chemically dependent person, they will always find a way to deny a problem and continue to center their lives around their drug of choice.

This doesn’t just apply to chemically dependent people. This could apply to anyone who is in denial for any reason.
“We’re just friends.’
“Yeah but you spent the night at his house.”
“Well, we didn’t do anything. See? Proof that we’re just friends.”

Look, I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. I don’t have to answer to anyone. If people want to lie to themselves, that’s their business, if they want to lie to me, then I don’t have to put up with it.
Obviously, if it’s a family member or someone that is intimately tied to your life, then it helps to try to work things through, but even family and intimate partners part ways for good reasons.

If there is some potential enlightenment or closeness that can be realized through argument or discussion, then communicate.
Many people are unwilling or unable to realize any benefit from communicating, and, it seems to me, there is very little point in wasting time trying.

Maybe I’m the wrong person to ask. I’m painfully seasoned in the act of severing ties.
Freepath, you say a lot of really good stuff. I, like you, am well versed in severing ties but I often find myself second guessing everything. I guess it depends on how big an issue is as to whether I'll say anything or not. There has been something that has been bugging me for a while. I rationalized it, but recently did spill the beans, so to speak. I'll never have proof of what I think, but I did state what I thought even though it was ugly. Apparently having addictions and mental health challenges are not "real problems" to this former friend, and I sort of let her have it. No, it wasn't pretty, but I don't think it could have gone down any other way. From what I understand, things can get messy when a person is trying (in my case) to change my ways. I'm not exactly doing a stellar job at this, but I won't give up. I have a sticky on my refrigerator that says "Not trying your whole life is wondering if you gave up too soon."

And yes, we do have a wonderful secular forum here. We are lucky indeed and I am grateful to SR for this
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:39 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by jamdls View Post
I think it's very important to say how you feel, whether to a 3rd party or to the person you have the issue with. It seems most alcoholics/addicts wind up that way because we keep everything inside of us and we use to numb the feelings/pain.

Judy
Yes, well said. I am trying to be more open and say how I feel, but it's tough. I wonder how "normal" people are able to do this. To say how I feel at times is a huge risk. I am always thinking I look crazy. Tonight there was this movie on Lifetime TV (one of my faves to escape) called "Unstable." OMG. I kept comparing myself to her, but there was a very interesting twist at the end. She wasn't crazy, but was set up to believe she was, as a result of going off her meds. Just food for thought for me, at least.
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:43 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Freepath View Post
LOL please! Everybody! Just go out and spend the night at each other’s houses! I promise it’s okay with me!
That's hilarious.

Originally Posted by Freepath View Post
Talking in circles, arguing without getting anywhere, that was what I was thinking of.
Got ya. I really couldn't see where you were going with that one, that's all. Makes more sense now. Thanks.
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Old 04-27-2009, 01:55 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by jamdls View Post
That analogy is awesome it created such a clear picture in my mind of the water flowing etc, thank you for posting that I think I'll print it out and keep it handy.

Judy
Judy, I agree. Freepath's analogy was and is beautiful.
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Old 04-27-2009, 10:04 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Katie09 View Post
Yes, well said. I am trying to be more open and say how I feel, but it's tough. I wonder how "normal" people are able to do this. To say how I feel at times is a huge risk. I am always thinking I look crazy. Tonight there was this movie on Lifetime TV (one of my faves to escape) called "Unstable." OMG. I kept comparing myself to her, but there was a very interesting twist at the end. She wasn't crazy, but was set up to believe she was, as a result of going off her meds. Just food for thought for me, at least.
I recorded that movie last night to watch tonight I figured I'd relate too.
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