bigsombrero

I have been trying AA for the past few days. I have not HATED it...but it feels odd. Yes, I suppose even "cult-ish". I am going to continue going to keep giving it a chance. But so far I am getting weird vibes.

It hasn't been all members, but some of them have been very very VERY pushy. I've only been at it for a few days but they tell me I'm "not doing enough" and that I should be going to at LEAST one meeting per night etc.

"What groups do you go to? What step are you on? Who do you know here? What does he look like? What are you doing tomorrow? Do you like tennis? Me and some other members play every Tuesday for years..."

I been to a member's house already, I didn't even know them, but I was invited so I went. Something about the whole vibe kinda gave me the creeeepss...like the whole time I was being recruited.

What works for me is to do things and keep an active lifestyle, on a regular basis. Go to a ballgame. Volunteer. Travel. Strive for health and success in business. And I want someone to support me in that. Like, a group that I could sit with once a week and go over philosophies, talk about challenges, maybe meet for coffee here and there if needed.

What kind of services do you recommend that might fit the bill? I've heard of SMART but know nothing about it. Thx

snowvelvet

Hi BigSomrero,

I am in exactly the same situation. I went to AA on and off and whilst I enjoyed hearing the stories and experiences,I could not and cannot reconcile myself to AA literature and all of the sayings. I am athiest and don't believe that there is a higher power.

I went to quite a few AA meetings and my experience with it is that you are not expected to question it, but simply do as others have done. I had said in meetings that I cannot grap the idea of a higher power and essentially been told to use the power of the room and that it would come to me. I'm sorry, but I don't think I am going to get a god of whatever understanding, as I do not believe it.

I am currently avidly reading all the ARVT and SMART stuff. It is like a lightbulb has switched on for me - I can work with the concepts and ideals as I firmly believe that I do have a choice on the matter. I have ordered the RR book and waiting on a well-known internet retailer to send it out.

I had said in therapy that AA to me seemed about giving an absolution. Don't get me wrong, I have got a lot from AA - the serenity prayer, without saying god, keeps me centred. Living Sober is fanastic at distraction suggestion. But It is such a relief for me to realise there are other ways to look at recovery; that because I don't "get" AA and kept beating myself up about it, only to be told work the steps harder... I cannot work steps because I realise I am accountable and no god is going to give me an absolution.

So, yes, what also works for me is getting busy. Essentially to stop being so self-obsessed. It is early days for me trying something other than AA. I keep having to tell part of me that I need to let go of the AA guilt. It doesn't work for me.

That may not answer your question, but you are not alone in looking at alternatives, as you can see from this board. (Which I am so glad I found!)

jazzfish

I am in a similar situation. I really wish there was an alternative group with face-to-face meetings and a well established network of meetings. I have looked into other groups, but even though I am close to a large city, the drive would still be about 45 minutes each way to get there.

I do stay open to AA and try to remember that AA is made up of people who were/are sick and desperate like me. The people who are pushy about it are usually just trying to help promote the only thing they found that ever worked for their alcoholism. Like any group, there are some creeps there who will try and get you to do all sorts of nutty things, but in my experience the truly creepy are rare and easily spotted.

Intellectually, I do not agree with the AA program and I am an atheist. However, if the choice came down to working AA's program or drinking myself to death over a question of theology, well, one of those choices is insane.

I look forward to seeing the suggestions you receive.

Changenetwork

There are many paths to recovery! AA for me for when I relapsed I went to more meetings and it got me back on track but yes the meetings are there for support and if you feel there are other avenues to help heal yourself and grow as a person then go for it. Take out the word god.. Change it to "good orderly direction" Its not a cult its just people being there for each other and yes god is mentioned but god is in all of us! So we are in fact godly together! Alone we are weak! However do yoga! Find a healthy hobbie! Maybe advise another person in need! Meeting are there for support and sharing experiences! Reminding us not to go back to that bad dangerous place where we have all been !

Zube

B.S.-

I'd try a different meeting. I see by your Avatar that you are in Chicago.. Chicago has SOOOO many different meetings, all with different vibes. I've been to AA halls in Chicago that have had AA groups for ex-cons who have killed people while drunk, to minivans full of soccer moms, both in the same location!

There are some meetings that I have gone to that I don't really like. I just stay away from those. Other meetings I totally dig. Lucky about Chicago, unlike a lot of rural areas, is you can pick and choose.

Best Wishes, and Go Sox!
Zube

bigsombrero

Thank you - what is "RR"?

jazzfish

RR = Rational Recovery

bigsombrero

Thanks again all - I agree with the "god" thing I as am also an atheist. I am willing to look past that part and see the program for what it's worth. It seems that it could be worthwhile to me if I just went to meetings from time to time - I totally see the value in having the community available.

I just don't like the initial "all or nothing" feel to it though, like I'm getting calls every day, I'm being told I am "not doing enough" and I need to "promote fellowship and bring in new members" - which seems to be the end goal here. New members.

I am selfish I guess, in that I am not interested in recruiting new members. I am only interested right now in getting MYSELF better. Right now it almost seems like this is a full-time job with AA. I want support, but it's a pain in my ass right now as opposed to helpful.

bigsombrero

Thanks Zube. Yes, my in-patient program was like that. We had crack heads, meth heads, pill poppers, alcoholics, and coke addicts. Some had spent time in Joliet prison. Some were businessmen from Michigan Avenue. Some were there to for the first time, some were there for the 20th time. And some were there just because they had to be, in order to get a reduction on a jail sentence or prison term. Yes, lots of options here, I hope I find a good fit. Wish it were easy though!

freshstart57

For me, the initial and essential assumptions inherent there made me very uneasy. I didn't feel that confession, absolution and forgiveness, or prayer, were going to help me attain and maintain sobriety. The premise that I was addicted to alcohol because I was defective in any moral sense was something I refused to accept.

It wasn't the belief in God that stopped me, because I have one of those already thanks. I believed and still do that I was responsible for my alcoholism, and therefore responsible for my sobriety. I also don't believe that my addiction could be addressed through spiritual and religious means.

BigSombrero, if you are looking for alternatives to AA, there is a world of information available to you. There is a sticky at the top of this thread list for example. Ask Google. Read the threads posted here.

I don't think you need to explain or justify yourself in your search for sobriety. That only serves to bring in points of view that just aren't helpful here in this forum.

applecake

Good question, bigsombrero! I first learned about alternatives to AA here at SR. I also stumbled upon a book called Sober for Good by Anne M. Fletcher, which I found enlightening. The author surveyed a number of people she calls "masters"--problem drinkers who have managed to maintain sobriety for a number of years. I found this book useful in identifying the day-to-day behaviors I needed to modify to support my own sobriety. The appendix also provides an overview a number of different recovery options, including AA, Moderation Management, Women for Sobriety, SMART, and so on...

And Zube is right--my experience has been that different AA meetings can vary widely in atmosphere and tone depending upon the group.

Coldfusion

Big S--

Have you ever been to an NA meeting? They consider alcohol a drug. For several reasons, the meetings can be very different from AA.

wiscsober

Most alcoholics have boundary issues. My behavior before recovery and while in AA has been intrusive. I like where I am now with my home group. It feels good and most of the members are mature. I must remember that the very new member has a right to privacy, their boundaries (mental, physical, spiritual) must be respected.

You are just as much as a member as anyone else. A lot of the questions some AAers ask you are none of their business and you have a right to tell them that. No one can mandate your recovery.

If you are not comfortable hugging or even shaking hands avoid it as you see best.

I don't say the Lord's Prayer nor the serenity prayer. I hold hands at the end because I like the connection one hand in another's make, and I like hearing the spiritual hum.

The few things that I can not do, and won't let other AA members do to me, is hug me without permission, tell me what I am doing wrong, or try to convert me to religion or even a certain AA/NA philosophy.

The only things that I "can't" do is drink and drug, be outright abusive to a member, or get involved with a member's finances, family, employment, etc.

It takes time, and it is hard to fend off the AA/NA bullies....

AA is a way of life...for me my recovery isn't dependent on some one else's life or program.

wiscsober

I must add...very recently...I came to believe that a higher power is of utmost importance in recovery. I believe in a power within me and all others I just know as a spirit. I believe in spiritual powers of sobriety, peace, faith, Samaritanism, love, etc...the manifestation of spirit(s) is me, you, and life shared with others.

Philip897

Dear bigsombrero, I wouldn't write off AA just yet. I've found it has been the answer to my drinking and drugging, even with all the God stuff, (I personally have no God of any understanding).
You say that what works for you is an active lifestyle, ballgames ..... If that works for you great but then why are you here? I found that I didn't know what would work to help me stop drugging, until I'd tried AA for a while
I've found living in the UK and going to countless meetings in the US and over the world that people are just being friendly, when they ask me for coffee after the meeting and want to know how I'm doing and what I'm up to. It's just part of being a fellowship. I wasn't used to it to begin with. At the end of my drinking no-one would put up with me anymore and it was very strange when people took an interest in me.
If I found being around a member's house creepy, I wouldn't go back again and stick to going out for coffee after meetings. You say that meeting for coffee is something you like.
Service at meetings can range from stacking chairs, to looking after the tea and coffee. It's a great way to get integrated and meet with sober people.
There is a saying, "Take what you need and leave the rest". If the God stuff or other stuff in the readings or individual opinions on getting sober bother you, I've found it better to ignore them but stick around, rather than going out and getting drunk.
Saying that, there wasn't anything here apart from AA and NA, when I got clean/sober. You might have more choice in Chicago but don't throw out the baby with the bathwater, as they say.

RDBplus3

AVRT and Rational Recovery are a very good option if AA does not ' fit right'. Do a web search for both names. They are one and the same. The Founders name is Jack Trempy. He and his program have gone through a few series of transformations, but the basic message has stayed the same. He is quite hostile about AA, which I think is over-reacting. I use both. The Crash Course on AVRT is right on the website, and if you have not read it, is VERY insightful, and in itself is a recovery program just as valid as AA.

Coldfusion

I found AVRT very helpful, especially the part after the 28 flash-cards where you take an oath to never go to a twelve-step meeting. And I thought, "This is not for me, I need my group therapy because I believe in neuroplasticity and epigenetics of the prefrontal cortex."

In a sense, AVRT is like just doing step one of AA. But if it works, great! I studied Zen under Robert Aitken Roshi on Maui, and here at SR is a Zen interpretation of the twelve steps. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ake-steps.html

LadyinBC

I am more into the WFS program. That is more a fit for me. The nice thing about AA is the amount of meetings they have where I live. If I was or am having a bad day, I can go morning noon or night. I don't always talk at these meetings, but just being around people who are the same as me helps.

I haven't run into a cultish group yet. I haven't run into people that are pushy etc. They are just glad you are there.

I believe that everyone has to find what works best for them. Be it a program, etc. I do believe that we have to change in order to beat this addiciton. There are many ways to do that.

freshstart57

Step One says 'We admitted we were powerless over alcohol', but AVRT says that the desire to drink is ultimately powerless over us.

1newcreation

Wow! I've got the best home group I can poss have but only thing I can say in u're situation is that yes prob too pushy but maybe they want to get to know you since they think u're new "& fresh off the streets" since you've now joined them u probably need new friends since u no longer can hang around u're drinkin buddies.
Get from a mtg what u need & leave behind what u don't need but don't stress about it