HBHB

My fiancé and I live(d) together for 6 years. She has struggled with all types of substances and is currently attending IOP online. In Oct 2023 she went on an alcohol and Xanax bender for two weeks that landed her in the ER. I found her in a hotel room after she ran away from home.

I thought this was over and we turned a corner but we had a fight last week when I noticed she was acting strange. I didn’t handle it correctly and yelled a lot and told her to leave the home and go to her parents. I apologized and took it back - I feel awful. I am always on edge worrying she will relapse on drugs or alcohol. We patched things up from that incident. A week later however she was seemingly on something…

I saw her pupils very large. She was acting emotionless and numb, even a little mean. She threatened to break up and leave our home. Turns out she was taking Tylenol 3 and some antidepressant as well. She slept in our spare bedroom that night. The next morning she was back to being sweet, loving and got in bed with me. She told me she was only going to take the Tylenol 3 when she needed it. Her mother drove her to a pharmacy to get the prescription while I was at work one day (she doesn’t drive due to a DUI).

Later that day however she was acting weird again. Same as the day before. Mean, angry and telling me the relationship is over. She started packing her things and called her mother to pick her up. I begged her not to go but she left. She blocked me and I haven’t heard a word from her.

I am so confused. I feel like I’m at fault and caused this all because I was frustrated the week before. Do opioids cause people to be mean and say things they don’t actually mean? Is there any hope she will come back around?

Dee74

Welcome to SR HBHB

I'm not an expert on opioids but addiction (and trying to hide that addiction) can make someone act a little like a cornered animal sometimes.
In AlAnon with regards to someone else's addiction, they talk about the three Cs with- you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

I don't know you or your partner, but I'd lay odds it's not anything you did, because she was doing this before you had the argument, and again since, right?

Its just a convenient reason to check out, not be accountable for a while and avoid scrunity, IMO.

Why not check out our family and friends forums too while you're here?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tance-abusers/

D

HBHB

thank you!!

ChloeRose63

HBHB,
First of all you have to educate yourself about addiction and the behavior of the addict.
Lesson #1: The Three C's
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.

Once you realize that you need to put your energy into yourself first you will be able to be strong enough to stop enabling. Her reasons and excuses for her behavior give her a soft landing because you give it to her. Stop.

She needs to want to seek help.

HBHB

Im so confused. I thought after the near OD from Xanax pills and alcohol binge that landed her in the hospital that she hit rock bottom. She chose to go to IOP but it was “remote”. She told her mother she needed Tylenol 3 for “migraines” and told me it was for “jaw pain” from TMJ she suffers with. She knows I have a boundary with our relationship that is no drugs or alcohol.

I don’t understand if she wanted out for some reason or if it’s addiction. We were not fighting at the time this went down.

OpioPhobe

Opiates constrict your pupils. Dilated pupils are from something else or she was in withdrawal from opiates. Opiates didn't make me mean when I was high. I was the opposite in fact, and was quite docile. You don't really care enough to get into a conflict.

Online Intensive OP is a half assed effort after an OD, in my opinion. Whatever she is doing isn't working. The tylenol 3 thing sounds like ******** too. If she had a legit medical issue with a doctor prescription it's one thing. It sounds like she can't keep her story straight about what it is for though.

She is actively using and I don't get the impression that she has a strong desire to stop. It sounds more like excuses to get people off her back while she continues to use. There isn't anything you can do or not do that will make her want to stop. It's not because of some defect with you, it's just that the drugs are that powerful. If you don't have kids with her my advice would be to walk away.

If you choose to stay then I would say to check out the family members section of these forums so you know what you're signing up for.

HBHB

Thanks for your reply and perspective. She has a history of misuse with pain killers and especially Xanax. I’m not sure what she is using now but her pupils were so large that you could barely see any color. She was very robotic, wouldn’t blink, ZERO emotion and was chugging water. I mean chugging water like a chain smoker would smoke a cigarette.

Alysheba

Sounds sad for both of you. She sounds like she makes your life very difficult and stressful. You seriously don't need to walk on eggshells all the time. Maybe it's time to call it off and get your own life back in order instead of worrying about someone who doesn't seem to want to get well and keeps popping who knows what. It may save you a lot of heartache in the end. Good luck.