aasharon90

Hi my name is Sharon and Im an alcoholic.

There are many reasons why people are afraid to put down the drink or their drug of choice. Why are you afraid? What reasons do you have to continue to drink or use?

I tried countless times to quit drinking and I couldnt. I was definitely POWERLESS over ALCOHOL. Afraid I wouldnt have the strength to carry on the day with my motherly duties. Afraid of fear. Afraid of my low self-esteem. And the list can go on.

Share why you don't want to let go of ur drug of choice.

Thanks for letting me share.

c'est la vie

I used alcohol as a social crutch. I felt like I could talk to people easier and enjoyed my time at even boring events. I even needed a drink when hanging out with my closest friends, because my stomach got tied into knots before arriving at anyone's house.

I couldn't imagine not drinking. It would be impossible for me to go anywhere. I knew I needed to cut back but never considered quitting.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) it got to the point where I drank all the time - not just when I was going somewhere, and ultimately I couldn't even leave the house. It would ruin my drinking schedule, I couldn't drink with people anymore because I was self conscious, and I feared stomach problems so I didn't want to be away from the house anyway. I was so isolated and hated myself and recognized that enough was enough and decided to quit.

Sobriety1st

That is a great topic because I for one had so many fears, one being I had never been sober, so that in itself was a fear, i was afraid i wouldn't like who i would become, and getting to know the REAL ME..sounds like an excuse to me now, but it didn't then..and i have a daughter with severe mental and physical challenges, and i didn't know if i could face them sober, ironic isn't it..but it wasn't at the time..if only i had known then what i know now..i thought it would be so hard to accept life on life's terms, i wanted to control life's terms, my terms, but i like my GOD's terms much better and that is living sobriety..thanks for letting me share that..

best

There are many "excuses" why people won't.
I only know of one "reason" and that reason is each person need to be convinced past their low self esteem, lazyness, fear, social anxiety, pere pressure, habit, ignorance, or addiction.

What people need understand...It can be done.
With the desire and willingness... all can find a way out.
getting to the point of wanting to stop and willing to stop is where most would find the battle inside. The "excuses" will hold each of us there as long as "we" let them.

salamander

For me alcohol loosened my tongue. i was able to talk about things i normally wouldnt talk about. it also helped me relax at the end of the day. i am 15 days without a drink and just this weekend i started to feel like the fog was lifting. i am grateful for that. i still worry about making it thru without a drink if i have a really stressful day but so far im makin it. i am trying to learn to talk and express my feelings without the alcohol. thanks for the post.

Smyle

I used drugs to numb out and ignore my life...I was never accountable while using and even if I screwed up It did not matter...I was high I could care less !!! Drugs were my best friend...they were always there for me esp when I really needed them . They never let me down. It has been a little over a month for me and even though I am not totally over losing my best friend I realize that the drugs where never really a friend only a crutch ...that held me up then slipped out from under me when I leaned on it too hard.

El Gato

I was afraid of the seemingly impossible task. Maybe if I weren't brainwashed by society, I could have found the strength to turn my life around sooner. Oh well, the past is the past, good or bad.

aloneagainor

Because without the drugs I might actually have to feel something. And I might find I can't do everything within myself, which would force me to have to rely on or trust in something outside of myself. Seemed SCARY territory, to let others in. Turns out (to my great surprise and delight) that's the WHOLE POINT of life in general...feeling, trusting, learning, sharing, connecting.

maybetoday

I am still working on committing to being sober, still fighting the moderate fight or living in quasi-denial and I am afraid that I won't be fun, that I won't have fun, that my emotions will overwhelm me, consume me, that I won't ever be able to sit still, afraid of living, afraid of dying, afraid of being, afraid of non-being, afraid of failing, of success, isn't that the point? Fear is at the bottom of every bottle. But now at least I have some hope, that I will be able to summon the courage to go to a meeting, to try. As Ann Lamott says, hope is the ability to be cheerful in desperate circumstances.

best

And when the fear that the bottle took away became over shadowed by the fear of things I would do because of the alcohol, the one fear outweighed the other and I found I can live, be happy, be social, be successful or fail and still have a life filled with joy...sober.
Sober I am better able to deal with life. Sober I found I can grow with life.
Sober I found can be done and life is more full.

tryingtrying

I'm afraid of being bored ... and I'm not sure why. I think about it every day and hope that one of these days I will get that lightbulb moment and "get it" ... For now, the struggle is still on.

maybetoday

I know what you mean. I didn't realize how much the fear of boredom played into my problem until recently. And the truth is, many times I do feel bored when I don't drink and I have to learn to deal with that. But a greater truth is most of the time I don't even allow myself the time to see what I feel or how long it will last before I turn to the bottle as a remedy.

michski

I'm not sure I was ever afraid of getting sober..
But I know for sure I became terrified of another suicidal hangover!

wiscgirl30

Suicidal hangovers....yes, that reminds me of another reason to not drink... UGH. Those are the absolute *worst*.

aasharon90

Afraid of getting sober?

U bet.

You'd be taking away my courage in the bottle. My strength in the bottle. My wisdom. My BEST FRIEND. Esp. on those nights i was by myself. Or i was going to the club. I needed that drink or drinks to help me get ready. To look pretty, sexy. I have to have my drink to talk and flirt with the guys etc. I need a drink to visit with folks..my parents, my in laws. Anybody. I can't go bowling if i dont drink. I have to have a drink to unwind, To feel good. to fit in.

YOU TAKE AWAY THAT POWER THEN I WILL DIE. I HAVE TO HAVE IT NO MATTER WHAT. U TOUCH MY ALCOHOL AND UR DEAD.

How sick is that to think that way?

stonespike

I can also find something very similiar to myself in this statement. I dont really know WHY i get so nervous and anxious of being bored. It's literally hell to try and get over without the use of drugs/alcohol. It's really weird...

When i know that something is going on, im anxious. When Im bored, im nervous, anxious, depressed, and... bored!

aasharon90

I tackled my disease of Alcoholism first for 14 yrs. I still felt like something was wrong with me....was it because i wasnt working my program enough....what was it....I was nervous, anxious, scared, full of fear, bored, shakey....Id try to suck it in so to speak but it wasnt helping.....2 yrs ago while by myself for a week...i was very low then, so i began to pray, using the tools of AA to help me feel better. Then i saw a commercial on tv about Zoloft. Everything that was discribed about anxiety and depression or a chemical embalance was exactly how i had been feeling ALL MY LIFE. And i couldnt explain it to my family because they didnt understand why i was feeling that way.

I knew something else was wrong with me because i had to live with me and my feelings all my life.

So that was the light bulb that went off in my head. The Miracle I must have been waiting for.

So with seeking advice and information thru the proper physician i finally address my imbalance. Now i dont feel suicidal like i use to. Nor full of fear like i use to. I dont feel the anxiety attacks like i use to.

Now im able to settle down more with my sober life and enjoy it so much better than i use to.

I do realize that there is NO cure for my Alcoholism. I have to have daily maintanance on my sobriety or i will relapse. Its that easy. I have seen too many people get too comfortable in their programs that they r caught off guard and BAM they are back out there drinking or using.

Ive already experience HELL with drinking and I dont want to go back there again. Today i may encounter ups and downs in recovery, but not all the ups and downs i have today can measure up to the HELL i had when i was drunk or about to die.

Id rather take a ray of sunshine today than my head in the potty throwing up
any day.... as gross as that might sound. But true.

Kellye C

My first excuse for drinking was to help me sleep. I didn't realize at the time I wasn't trying to go to sleep but to totally pass out. Fear of not sleeping was what first spurred me to continue drinking.

As I drank more and more and started having consequences such as hangovers, waking up still drunk and then the shakes I became terrified of all-out withdrawals. I had some self-imposed withdrawals on Sundays when I would drink my "Sunday" bottle on Saturday while in a black-out. The shaking, trembling, puking and panic attacks were hideous and that is what kept me drinking the last year while I tried to taper and every other easier, softer thing I could think of to stop feeling the consequences of the drinking while not having to give it up.

It was going to AA for a month while still drinking and watching others whose lives had changed due to the program and getting through those withdrawals that I finally got the courage or resolve to just do it, grit my teeth and get through it. I kept telling myself while laying in a chair shaking, sweating, and so deathly sick that if I could just through it this time that I didn't ever have to go through it again if I didn't choose to.

Anytime that my disease tries to convince me that a drink would be ok I force myself to remember the misery of withdrawal as well as the terror of being so physically addicted and I then politely tell my disease to f*ck off!

Hugs,
Kellye

mertyl

Sharon, thank you for your posts today. They were very thought provoking and i felt that i read my own reasons in everyone else. YOur sick though, that really hit home. And its amazing that it rules us so much.

Thank you for sharing, and enjoy a sober evening.

mrtyl

Sazzer

Wow, thanks guys. I am right there with you all, but c'est la vie's response above really hit home. The cycle of drinking before an event to relax, during to have fun and then after to wind down, just got out of control. Suddenly everything was an "event" and I'd have to drink before every situation. So yeah. It was scary as hell not to have that crutch. It still is. But getting sober, as well as heeding the advice of a good therapist and getting my chemical imbalance balanced with the right meds, things are so much better now than they were.

I still have this vivid picture of what this cycle turned into: Me sitting alone in front of the tv with a bottle, just completely out of it. Numb.

I don't ever want to go back there!