Picking Myself Up Off The Floor
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 305
Picking Myself Up Off The Floor
I laid low for many years putting the world in front of me. While everyone was in front of me, I was in the background of my own life. Taking a drink on a daily basis. It bothered me, but it was better than voicing my own needs.
Now, with this new skin, I am cleansing. I can no longer sit in the background because I owe that to myself and it is so painful.
It is painful for me to say what "I" want. It is almost as if I am putting my head down and taking cover while voicing what I need. Stupid things, like a haircut, dr.'s appt. Used to be, I would just say, ah, it's OK to everything. Not anymore.
It's uncomfortable, but I know I am doing the right thing. It is painful for me to see clearly family members around me who I have tried to maintain a relationship with and they haven't with me. If it wasn't for me contacting them, there would be nothing. I am tired now. I need to rediscover me. What I want. I am so afraid of becoming selfish. I want to maintain a healthy balance. I know I can, it is just the road I am on that is scarey.
On top of that, I have people around me that are selfish, not to their own fault. I have a friend who is in recovery and I am having a hard time lately dealing with her. I think she is selfish, manipulative and rude. One of her kids is treating mine the same way. My dd can see right through it, she is strong and knows how she should and shouldn't be treated by others. It stinks because they have been good friends and so have we.
I am feeling like I cannot swallow this anymore and I have to pull back. I do not want to tell her how I feel. I don't want to hurt her. Pulling back is best. Good thing summer is coming!
Thank you all for understanding and being out there.
Your friend,
Etimee
Now, with this new skin, I am cleansing. I can no longer sit in the background because I owe that to myself and it is so painful.
It is painful for me to say what "I" want. It is almost as if I am putting my head down and taking cover while voicing what I need. Stupid things, like a haircut, dr.'s appt. Used to be, I would just say, ah, it's OK to everything. Not anymore.
It's uncomfortable, but I know I am doing the right thing. It is painful for me to see clearly family members around me who I have tried to maintain a relationship with and they haven't with me. If it wasn't for me contacting them, there would be nothing. I am tired now. I need to rediscover me. What I want. I am so afraid of becoming selfish. I want to maintain a healthy balance. I know I can, it is just the road I am on that is scarey.
On top of that, I have people around me that are selfish, not to their own fault. I have a friend who is in recovery and I am having a hard time lately dealing with her. I think she is selfish, manipulative and rude. One of her kids is treating mine the same way. My dd can see right through it, she is strong and knows how she should and shouldn't be treated by others. It stinks because they have been good friends and so have we.
I am feeling like I cannot swallow this anymore and I have to pull back. I do not want to tell her how I feel. I don't want to hurt her. Pulling back is best. Good thing summer is coming!
Thank you all for understanding and being out there.
Your friend,
Etimee
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Good for you...change is often uncomfortable at first, and maybe for awhile but it gets easier. And you deserve your self-respect, that includes respecting what you want, what is healthy for you and true friends. We can't choose our family of origin, but many of us form our own "spiritual families"...where the respect and care is mutual and beneficial.
hugs,
live
hugs,
live
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
It is not selfish to ask for or obtain "needs"
Many times we may put our own needs on the back burner but I see that as a poor choice. When I am strong (needs filled) I am better able to help those around me. Yes a balance needs be held and a sharing but giving up my needs can end up taking away from others in the long run.
Needs are required...wants are desired. Fill the needs as able.
Many times we may put our own needs on the back burner but I see that as a poor choice. When I am strong (needs filled) I am better able to help those around me. Yes a balance needs be held and a sharing but giving up my needs can end up taking away from others in the long run.
Needs are required...wants are desired. Fill the needs as able.
Trying to do the right thing.
Join Date: May 2006
Location: London
Posts: 4,345
mornin, selfworth self esteem and all them feelings people like us
have great difficulty in loving yourself.Sometimes i look in the mirror and i don't want to see me.
desructive relationships , abuse BUT we survive.
you dont see your own light,that no matter what! is still in there
nothing can take it.It can dill BUT it's still there.
In time given the right space let your light shine. YOU deserve it.......
Still i Rise Maya Angalu
have great difficulty in loving yourself.Sometimes i look in the mirror and i don't want to see me.
desructive relationships , abuse BUT we survive.
you dont see your own light,that no matter what! is still in there
nothing can take it.It can dill BUT it's still there.
In time given the right space let your light shine. YOU deserve it.......
Still i Rise Maya Angalu
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Oh Etimee, I'm so glad you were able to share some really deep thoughts here. The first step to doing something positive for yourself is recognizing that it needs to be done. It's great that you see the need to take care of yourself. You know we're in a similar position so I can completly relate to what your saying. I hope you find a quiet moment to treat yourself.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Oh Etimee,
I have gone through exactly the same thing. It's ridding yourself of 'the disease to please' and recognizing that you, too have needs that have to be met in order for you to be happy. I have learned painfully about boundaries and have made choices that I never would have done in my old life. And, it hurt a lot, but I feel good, really good that I am doing what I need.
I have gone through exactly the same thing. It's ridding yourself of 'the disease to please' and recognizing that you, too have needs that have to be met in order for you to be happy. I have learned painfully about boundaries and have made choices that I never would have done in my old life. And, it hurt a lot, but I feel good, really good that I am doing what I need.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 305
Live, thank so much for your words of wisdom. They're very comforting.
Best, Thank you...you seem to have a knack for putting the most simpliest thoughts into words which are gentle reminders of pure logic!
Arura, I am looking forward to my light shining more than it has in a long time, thank you.
C'est la vie, Thank you. I am actually finding little points in time during the day to take time for me. I am starting to feel brand new...could just be that great confidence they say you obtain when you hit 40 tho too, lol!
Anna Thanks for letting me know how you'd gone through it! You are such an inspiration to me!
Hugs,
Etimee
Best, Thank you...you seem to have a knack for putting the most simpliest thoughts into words which are gentle reminders of pure logic!
Arura, I am looking forward to my light shining more than it has in a long time, thank you.
C'est la vie, Thank you. I am actually finding little points in time during the day to take time for me. I am starting to feel brand new...could just be that great confidence they say you obtain when you hit 40 tho too, lol!
Anna Thanks for letting me know how you'd gone through it! You are such an inspiration to me!
Hugs,
Etimee
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