conscious78

Eight years of heavy drinking (and a lot of wasted time)...three weeks of sobriety (and attending meetings)...two weeks of drinking again and trying to "moderate" my drinking...now I'm back to sobriety. Two weeks to be exact. One thing I can say is at least I know I can live sober. I can enjoy the things I never thought I could without alcohol. I'm happy to be at a different stage than I have been in eight years (feeling like alcohol would always be a part of my life, with no end in sight).

Reasonably, I know my current way isn't working--if it were working, I'd have almost two months of uninterrupted sobriety under my belt. I'm going back and forth between knowing I need to stop for good and trying to moderate. All that aside, why is "one day at a time" the best way? Personally, that ideology is what has made it so easy for me to pick up a drink. "one day at a time...I can drink today as long as I don't drink tomorrow" type of thinking. Jaded thinking? Yes. Sane thinking? No.

When I first started coming to SR (which has been invaluable to me...all of you have been right on point in your responses) I was determined to envision more than one day at a time. Part of it was my stubbornness, but a lot of it was my desire to look forward to my WHOLE life (not just one day at a time) without drinking. Was/am I too ambitious? Or is the only way to sobriety "one day at a time"? I'm still struggling with that ideology. It seems so limiting and self-deceptive.

leviathon

HEY C78,

I found that struggle too. I could twist and turn the words of AA to justify drinking further. You either quit or you still drink. There is no in between. Any successful AA'er will tell you this. My problem was that I was twisting the words to my own purpose.

If you quit, then you don't drink. That's it. It is a state of being and you have to grow comfortable with it, embrace it, accept it and then wear it everyday. There are various ways to follow to get there, find one that works for you.

In any event, welcome and peace be with you. Levi

Anna

I tried moderating my drinking too. I think I spent about a year trying to prove to myself that I can manage alcohol and failing miserably every time. It was almost a relief to just stop and move on to the business of recovery. All of a sudden I didn't have to obsess over when and where would be my next drink and I had all kinds of time and energy to devote to living.

I understand exactly what you mean with the 'one day at a time' thing. I would always say, oh well, what's one more day of drinking - how could it matter? But, of course it does because it affects your health and your life passes you by. I kind liked the idea of just getting through a day at a time, early on in sobriety, because I wasn't ready to deal with never drinking again. It was just too overwhelming at the beginning. Looking forward to my whole life without drinking came in small steps for me. I remember milestones like 3 weeks and 3 months and it occurred to me, that yes, maybe I really could do this. But, I think it's a gradual thing.

I don't think you're too ambitious and I don't believe there is only one way to achieve sobriety. I think whatever works for you, whatever feels comfortable to you, is the path you should follow.

aloneagainor

Until an idea exists in mind it cannot exist in reality.

The realization that you can live sober is HUGE for one who has spent years settled otherwise. The ongoing debate in your mind is probably a necessary part of the process for a logical-thinking brain such as yours. You'd not be committed to a change in direction if you weren't sure that's what you choose, I understand precisely what you're doing, and why you're doing it this way. Anna is right, that 'how could one more day matter--I'll start tomorrow' only puts off life one more day, and then one more day again. But since all we have THIS day IS today, that must be the focus of EACH day. You're seeing how a progressive series of individual days does strengthen your conviction that you can live, and live better, without active addiction. If FREES you to do other things with your life, rather than be consumed by alcohol.

You are not deceiving yourself if you choose to just think and live in the day. Begin with where you're at, and move forward from here. That's not limited, it's just reality. Somehow it seems a far more manageable reality than whole life, too.

conscious78

Anna, that is the frame of mind I'm seeking. Thank you so much for your insight.

conscious78

Thank you, aloneagainor. I am a very intelligent person, but the alcohol is having a say in some of my decisions. Thank you for your words...I could be saying them myself. We are so much alike. I’m learning and growing.

earlybird

Its like a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship that goes REEEAAL sour,.....you break up,...but you two have been together so long that its too painful to let go completely. So you convince yourselves that you can keep having sex (friends with benefits situation) but not be actually "together". Well we all know how that works out. Alcohol is similar. For me,....I couldnt fathom 86'ing booze out of my life completely. That kind of thinking had me desperately trying to moderate my drinking. It wasnt until I realized the moderating was more stressful than all out drinking that I finally gave in. Normal social drinkers do moderate. But it is unconscious moderation. They just do it without thinking. For alcoholics,....its freaking torture. I became consumed,...obsessed with curbing my drinking. Its all I thought about. I would mull over on a Monday how many drinks I would have on the following Friday. I would be thinking about my fourth drink, while downing my first drink. I struggled to remain at a few,...but always got wasted. I would wake up and say "Well that was yesterday,.....today I can moderate just fine" then Id wake up in jail. I N S A N I T Y

conscious78

Yes, it is insanity. I've actually maintained a few beers at a time in efforts to be "normal". But it's not working because I'm still having withdrawls (my withdrawls are more psychological than physical, but both are very present...physical is just occasional night sweats, headache, and insomnia. But the psychological is much worse...intense anxiety, irratability, and great depression) These few beers at a time are only prolonging my withdrawl, which has sometimes led to going overboard in terms of drinking. Sucks.

But at least this experience is building my understanding that I really need to quit for good. I've been experimenting with different tactics...some new, some old. None have worked. Yes, trying to moderate is more stressful than quitting completely.

Arura

yep it feels like that for me too, im convinced that i've
got the drink under control. even when i obviuosly
Don't it's totolly mad that i try n validate me buying
another bottle, but i know that way lies danger for me
I'm frightend of been a drunk. i caught myself talking to
myself while pouring another, n it was scarry..
Yep taking one day at a time is the only way to do it..
but still the excuses come...
all i can do is keep on going forward n dont look back YET..
Mornin everyone.............Aura..

the_undertow

it is a thread like this that gives me so much hope. i look back and see the last 10 years as waking every day thinking 'huh, how many days since i had my last drink. 2? okay. thats reason to celebrate with a beer'.

ugg.

i cant wait to enjoy the things i used to. tea. guitar. a movie. but hey, like i figure, before i ever had my first drink, i was excited about everything. this time, i just have to get excited about sobriety and the rest should fall into place.

hector

Well, conscious, I'll try to explain my understanding of "one day at a time." For two reasons: to help you, and to help me. By the way, congratulations on your new sobriety.

I intend to be sober for the rest of my life. I had that intention many years ago when I first sobered up. But how am I supposed to know how long that is? When is my life going to end? Today? 50 years from now? I don't know. Your sharing indicates you're already familiar with this concept: all we have is today. Think it through. If you live sober every day, you will be sober on your last day.

Also, my mind has a tendency to attack me. If I'm living through some sort of crisis, I may think it will never end. I may think things will never change. Keeping the slogan in mind reminds me of something my mother used to say: There's another day coming tomorrow.

Here's something more: after all these years, my identity is that I am a sober, recovering alcoholic. (I'll be recovered when I'm dead.) If I drink, I lose my identity, who I am, what I'm about. I couldn't stand that. I've lost too many self-concepts. I don't want to - can't - lose this one. Although your sobriety is short-term now (gets longer every day) maybe that'll help.

Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.

aloneagainor

As mind-heavy contemplaters it's like we can't let ANYTHING go, or enter in, until it's thoroughly processed through. Such methodology slows us down, the analysis seems excurtiatingly tedious and stressful, but that's the way we process information, by design. I think we train ourselves to be this way, perhaps as a result of upbringing or experience, and we see REASON to continue it. We get impatient with ourselves and retreat back to what's familiar and known, for that sense of grounding it provides, and so we don't have to THINK about everything so much, so hard. Recovery is a slow process. It's a learning process. Considering how intentely we process new material, it's no wonder we're slow to incorporate change. However, this can also work to our long-term benefit, for once that resolution IS made (and I trust it eventually will be, as addiction is illogical and insane) it will then be lasting change. We can make it work once convinced that is what we want. Seeing positive benefits of change in action helps motivate to continue in that direction. Each day, do something to forward your thinking in that direction. Eventually it will sink in. Continue in the learning and growing. Be patient with yourself.