Flabbergasted
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Thread Starter
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: london ky
Posts: 3
Flabbergasted
I am in a mess. Another addict son in jail! Gee 2 in a couple of months! Only have 1 to go and he's working to join them also! Any consolation, to knowing where they are at ? No. My son keeps calling for help. $th Dui #rd driving on suspended. He went to court for arrainment and they only charged him with first offense but they are getting his record from this county for next Monday in court. All I can say is he is in trouble. He also has a failure to appear in court here. He has to come back here after that is over with and stand trial here. He is begging for me and addict (active) husband that doesn't live with me to get him a lawyer. I sure do not have the money and AH spends all his money for own habits. It has been very hard for me to let go of my children and I have always supported them but I am at my witts end. I feel like leaving and never coming back! I really don;t know if I can deal with this anymore. I am going to visit both sons today. I don't know what to tell my son. Help
Peace begins with a smile
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 173
Sorry to hear about your troubles..
I would post in the Family & Friends of Alcho. section for advice...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...of-alcoholics/
I would post in the Family & Friends of Alcho. section for advice...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...of-alcoholics/
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
Have you attended Alanon or Naranon? I would suggest that if you havent you do. Also we have Naranon board here that you should take a look at if you have not already. There you will meet alot of moms and others in the same situation that you are in.
Your sons are adults and have made choices that have bad consequences. As addicts (which I am) we have to learn to suffer the consequences of our actions.
Welcome again.
Your sons are adults and have made choices that have bad consequences. As addicts (which I am) we have to learn to suffer the consequences of our actions.
Welcome again.
Jack
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Pocono Mts. of PA
Posts: 115
Hi Vicki...I hope your visit with your sons went well. There must be someone in their life who's sober who they would listen to. A grandparent, former teacher, boss, friend.
AlAnon is a great resource as is NarAnon. Ask at the jail if the chaplain could speak with them. I'll pray for all of you.
God bless
AlAnon is a great resource as is NarAnon. Ask at the jail if the chaplain could speak with them. I'll pray for all of you.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Dear Vicki,
Sorry to hear about the grief in your life. Like you, I have 3 boys (who do not live with me), and are all teenagers, you are living something I dread, but I know can happen.
The good news may be that now that he is "in the system", hopefully what will come out of this will be a long probation with random testing. Jail s***s, but maybe he will have enough of it to realize it is not a place he wants to be sent back to.
I know the theme here is personal responsablilty, and I am all for it, but we all need a helping hand. Be there for your boys. Some places allow you access to the DA, if you can, talk to him. School & work records may be helpful. Tell him that you are not looking for your son to get off easy, quite the contrary. A long, monitored probation would be much more benificial than any jail term. Things that go on in prison are more likely to send him back to the dark side as soon as he gets free.
I can remember being in a similar, but not as severe, mess many years ago. There were many deamons to fight, and it looked like things were so messed up, how would I ever get right. But time is the great healer, and one by one I got past each one (except alcohol, which is why I am here).
We're here to talk to, let us know how it is going!
S
PS: Been to London, Ky several times, met many nice people there, even one named Vicki...lol.
Sorry to hear about the grief in your life. Like you, I have 3 boys (who do not live with me), and are all teenagers, you are living something I dread, but I know can happen.
The good news may be that now that he is "in the system", hopefully what will come out of this will be a long probation with random testing. Jail s***s, but maybe he will have enough of it to realize it is not a place he wants to be sent back to.
I know the theme here is personal responsablilty, and I am all for it, but we all need a helping hand. Be there for your boys. Some places allow you access to the DA, if you can, talk to him. School & work records may be helpful. Tell him that you are not looking for your son to get off easy, quite the contrary. A long, monitored probation would be much more benificial than any jail term. Things that go on in prison are more likely to send him back to the dark side as soon as he gets free.
I can remember being in a similar, but not as severe, mess many years ago. There were many deamons to fight, and it looked like things were so messed up, how would I ever get right. But time is the great healer, and one by one I got past each one (except alcohol, which is why I am here).
We're here to talk to, let us know how it is going!
S
PS: Been to London, Ky several times, met many nice people there, even one named Vicki...lol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: On a Boat in the Gulf
Posts: 308
Maybe Im a tough love Mama but I always told my boys if they ended up in jail, not to call me... I wouldnt acknowledge them. My oldest spent two days locked up. Did I answer the phone? Hell no. I dont deserve to hurt like that. Nothing hurts worse. Did I go to see him? Hell no. Did I pick him up when he was released? Hell no. He walked 15 miles home in the dead of summer in Florida. Did I feel guilty? Hell no.
Has he ever been back? HELL NO. Love in itself can be an enabler. I raised that boy right and when I said I'd never be there in this event, I meant it. He knows that now and its been 3 yrs and he hasnt been back to jail lol.
If one of my children had a heavy drug problem, I would pray they got locked up. At least that would keep them alive longer and MAYBE they find God or at least dry out/get through the worse of the withdraws. And I could sleep at night knowing they werent out trying to get high. Sometimes jail/prison is a godsend.
Certainly woke my boy up. My boy is a Mama's boy. Use that to your advantage. You dont know what to tell him? Tell him he has two choices, this life or YOU because he CANT HAVE BOTH.
You deserve better... you deserve to look at your son clean and sober or at least trying. If you know you raised that boy right, dont let him use guilt to get to you. STAND FIRM. When he looks around and realizes all he has is me myself and I, he'll want his Mama. He needs to hit that bottom before you pick him up again.
I reinterate: Love is often the most powerful enabler. Had I played into my sons first bought with the law, he'd still be acting like a fool, knowing his Mama has his back.
Has he ever been back? HELL NO. Love in itself can be an enabler. I raised that boy right and when I said I'd never be there in this event, I meant it. He knows that now and its been 3 yrs and he hasnt been back to jail lol.
If one of my children had a heavy drug problem, I would pray they got locked up. At least that would keep them alive longer and MAYBE they find God or at least dry out/get through the worse of the withdraws. And I could sleep at night knowing they werent out trying to get high. Sometimes jail/prison is a godsend.
Certainly woke my boy up. My boy is a Mama's boy. Use that to your advantage. You dont know what to tell him? Tell him he has two choices, this life or YOU because he CANT HAVE BOTH.
You deserve better... you deserve to look at your son clean and sober or at least trying. If you know you raised that boy right, dont let him use guilt to get to you. STAND FIRM. When he looks around and realizes all he has is me myself and I, he'll want his Mama. He needs to hit that bottom before you pick him up again.
I reinterate: Love is often the most powerful enabler. Had I played into my sons first bought with the law, he'd still be acting like a fool, knowing his Mama has his back.
NA Rocks!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Location Location
Posts: 517
Hi there, Vicki! So glad you're here. Did you get to visit your son yet? What's the latest? I hope you're doing okay.
I really love what Steve58 said here. Great advice:
~ Kelly ~
I really love what Steve58 said here. Great advice:
Originally Posted by Steve58
The good news may be that now that he is "in the system", hopefully what will come out of this will be a long probation with random testing. Jail s***s, but maybe he will have enough of it to realize it is not a place he wants to be sent back to.
I know the theme here is personal responsablilty, and I am all for it, but we all need a helping hand. Be there for your boys. Some places allow you access to the DA, if you can, talk to him. School & work records may be helpful. Tell him that you are not looking for your son to get off easy, quite the contrary. A long, monitored probation would be much more benificial than any jail term. Things that go on in prison are more likely to send him back to the dark side as soon as he gets free.
I know the theme here is personal responsablilty, and I am all for it, but we all need a helping hand. Be there for your boys. Some places allow you access to the DA, if you can, talk to him. School & work records may be helpful. Tell him that you are not looking for your son to get off easy, quite the contrary. A long, monitored probation would be much more benificial than any jail term. Things that go on in prison are more likely to send him back to the dark side as soon as he gets free.
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