I've Ignored
stillbitter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Camdenton, MO
Posts: 15
I've Ignored
My name's Chris and I'm an alcoholic. There, I wrote it! I'm on my third day sober and I feel like crap, but feel so grateful and blessed to have found this website. Your stories and humility have helped me a great deal. Gives me something to look forward to after work that doesn't involve a twelve pack.
I started drinking 13 years ago. Looking back on that time, It was a lot of fun with no real conquences. Didn't last long though. My drinking increased to the point of 6-8 beers during the week and a case and a half on the weekends. For years I've felt like I was rotting on the inside mentally and physically. Hard to put it into words. My wife of six years left me two weeks ago. She's told me plenty of times to stop, and I tried a few times, but couldn't do it. She used to tell me she was tired of being second to a beverage. So I'd quit for a while until the "coast was clear" and resumed drinking. I have no control and never will, no matter how many ways I try to restrict myself. My denial is so strong, and my own will so weak, that I tried to blame her for leaving-and keep drinking.
But the fog will slowly lift, right now I'm feeling low, but free. Tired of being a slave to my own addictive behaviors. I'm hoping, in time I can recover to the point that she will come back to me. We still love each other deep down, but will take a large backhoe to unearth my cause for drinking and the pent up anger between us. My own fault, now without alcohol, I have to get through my guilt and self-loathing and truly change. This could be my last chance. God help me, I know he's there, constant and unchanging, it is I who have ignored.
I started drinking 13 years ago. Looking back on that time, It was a lot of fun with no real conquences. Didn't last long though. My drinking increased to the point of 6-8 beers during the week and a case and a half on the weekends. For years I've felt like I was rotting on the inside mentally and physically. Hard to put it into words. My wife of six years left me two weeks ago. She's told me plenty of times to stop, and I tried a few times, but couldn't do it. She used to tell me she was tired of being second to a beverage. So I'd quit for a while until the "coast was clear" and resumed drinking. I have no control and never will, no matter how many ways I try to restrict myself. My denial is so strong, and my own will so weak, that I tried to blame her for leaving-and keep drinking.
But the fog will slowly lift, right now I'm feeling low, but free. Tired of being a slave to my own addictive behaviors. I'm hoping, in time I can recover to the point that she will come back to me. We still love each other deep down, but will take a large backhoe to unearth my cause for drinking and the pent up anger between us. My own fault, now without alcohol, I have to get through my guilt and self-loathing and truly change. This could be my last chance. God help me, I know he's there, constant and unchanging, it is I who have ignored.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome Chris and it sounds like you're ready to stop drinking and start to live again.
I know what you mean about having to face everything, all the stuff that you've ignored for so long. I was terrified of doing that. And, you're right, in time maybe you and your wife will get together again and I hope that works out for you. But, like you said, right now you have to take a good hard look at yourself and who you are. You know, when I did that, it was very hard and yet it felt so real. For the first time in my life I was looking at myself and seeing who I really was.
SR is a great place to come for support and encouragement, so I hope you keep visiting.
I know what you mean about having to face everything, all the stuff that you've ignored for so long. I was terrified of doing that. And, you're right, in time maybe you and your wife will get together again and I hope that works out for you. But, like you said, right now you have to take a good hard look at yourself and who you are. You know, when I did that, it was very hard and yet it felt so real. For the first time in my life I was looking at myself and seeing who I really was.
SR is a great place to come for support and encouragement, so I hope you keep visiting.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Have you a plan to stay quit?
I use AA and it really works great for me.
When I did Steps 4 and 5 all my remorse and
shame vanished
I see miracles in each AA meeting and when I look
in the mirror.
Glad to see you seeking answers...you are not alone.
Welcome to SR...
I use AA and it really works great for me.
When I did Steps 4 and 5 all my remorse and
shame vanished
I see miracles in each AA meeting and when I look
in the mirror.
Glad to see you seeking answers...you are not alone.
Welcome to SR...
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Welcome to S/R
shame the suds came in first for you.
I gave up about everything in my life for the drink and drug. It takes a long time to crawl out of the hole we dig.
I've been sober 6 and a half years now. I can tell you with God, AA and the good people in here to help, my life is back on track.
It doesn't get any better drinking, only worse
Chris
shame the suds came in first for you.
I gave up about everything in my life for the drink and drug. It takes a long time to crawl out of the hole we dig.
I've been sober 6 and a half years now. I can tell you with God, AA and the good people in here to help, my life is back on track.
It doesn't get any better drinking, only worse
Chris
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 307
Welcome Chris,
Good to have you here. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I was a heavy beer drinker too. Drank 8 to 14 beers about 5 days a week for about eight years with lots of "lighter" drinking for years before that. I did just what you are doing in Feb '05 and posted here on SR. I went to a meeting then and have been sober every since. Go to a couple of meetings a week and just got my second sponsor.
Hang in there my friend. I felt exactly like you are feeling. It was awful, but there was real joy in getting more than just one day sober. Three is great. You will be amazed how much better you feel the longer you can stay off. Lots of things start to fall back into place the more time that passes and the more we allow ourselves to heal.
Welcome to SR!
Jup
Good to have you here. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I was a heavy beer drinker too. Drank 8 to 14 beers about 5 days a week for about eight years with lots of "lighter" drinking for years before that. I did just what you are doing in Feb '05 and posted here on SR. I went to a meeting then and have been sober every since. Go to a couple of meetings a week and just got my second sponsor.
Hang in there my friend. I felt exactly like you are feeling. It was awful, but there was real joy in getting more than just one day sober. Three is great. You will be amazed how much better you feel the longer you can stay off. Lots of things start to fall back into place the more time that passes and the more we allow ourselves to heal.
Welcome to SR!
Jup
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Bluegrass State
Posts: 10
Welcome Chris, hang in there it gets better. I'm 11 days in and every days gets a little more focused.
I feel for you with your wife, it's really tough on them too. I used to do the same thing with my wife. Quit until the coast was clear, all along blaming her for me not being able to drink. I knew it was wrong, but coudn't help feeling that way. I finally decided to face facts and quit for me as well as her.
You sound like you're ready to go on this journey. There are a more people here who have experienced way more than I have in my short time here. Listen to them, they've got great advice and knowledge. And if you start feeling an urge, come here and talk your way through it, even if you're just posting for yourself.
I feel for you with your wife, it's really tough on them too. I used to do the same thing with my wife. Quit until the coast was clear, all along blaming her for me not being able to drink. I knew it was wrong, but coudn't help feeling that way. I finally decided to face facts and quit for me as well as her.
You sound like you're ready to go on this journey. There are a more people here who have experienced way more than I have in my short time here. Listen to them, they've got great advice and knowledge. And if you start feeling an urge, come here and talk your way through it, even if you're just posting for yourself.
stillbitter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Camdenton, MO
Posts: 15
Thanks for the responses, been a long day at work-hard to drive the bars and grocery stores but I'm glad I did! Can't put into words what it's like to have positive support. Looking forward to staying sober, and getting to know all of you. Next step-find an AA meeting, and some one on one counseling. Day 4 and feeling better, not as shaky, but hyper and restless.
Thanks again,
Chris
Thanks again,
Chris
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi there Stillbitter A belated welcome to SR!
Congrats on your day 2, it sounds as if you have a terrific plan in place !
My name is Lee and I am an alcoholic too. I drank dor 37 years, and now have 2 1/2 years sober with the help of AA , and has been said , Recovery is awesome
HUGX
Lee
A belated welcome to SR! Congrats on your day 2, it sounds as if you have a terrific plan in place !
My name is Lee and I am an alcoholic too. I drank dor 37 years, and now have 2 1/2 years sober with the help of AA , and has been said , Recovery is awesome
HUGX
Lee
I bite.
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 498
Hi Chris!
It sounds like to get her back you will have to do it with actions and not words.
But I would suggest that you also need to want to do it for YOU most of all. Once you are whole then you can be with her with honesty and love.
One day at a time.
It sounds like to get her back you will have to do it with actions and not words.
But I would suggest that you also need to want to do it for YOU most of all. Once you are whole then you can be with her with honesty and love.
One day at a time.
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