LeighC

Please, I need all the advice I can get. I woke up this morning really wanting to use. I really don't know why I feel this way because I already know from much experience what the consequences would be. All I know is that I worry alot. No matter what is taking place in my life at a particular time I always seem to find something to worry about. I get something on my mind and it runs through my mind over and over day and night. It's like my brain is overlouded and won't shut down. I know I really sound crazy but I really need to let someone know how I feel. The more I worry the more depressed I get and the more I want to use. The only time I didn't worry was when I was high, but when I sobered up and got the drugs out of my system I had even more to worry about. I know that using will not take away my problems but I keep telling myself it would slow my brain down and give me a break. Why do I even consider using when I know it will only make things worse? I've never tried handling things in a different way besides using so that is what I decided to do. I am reaching out for help instead of doing what i've always done. Has anybody ever felt this way? If so how did you handle it? I really,really don't want to use but I do want my mind to slow down. SR, even the short time that I have been on here has helped me so much. I've read so many of your stories and I have more hope than I have ever had that my life can get better and that I can be happy and live my life to the fullest. If I use I will be walking down the same bumpy road that I have been walking down for years. Maybe by opening up to all of you I can finally get on the right road. Please I really need your help, I really appreciate all the advice I can get. Thank you so much!!! LeighC

Cathy31

Hi Leigh
I can relate to how you are feeling, sometimes one just wants to USE and seek oblivion - for whatever reason!
My advice : speaking with someone face to face is going to really help yoU!!!! Where do you live? Can you look up NA in the phone book, and phone them! They can tell you where you can for a meeting so that you can be with SR type people but in person...you can also learn new tools to help you get through this and live and grow. I'd strongly recommend it. The person answering the phone is going to be a recovering addict and they KNOW where you are coming from. If you are shy someone can come and collect you.
In my experience going to a meeting, if nothing else, will help me not to use that day.
Good for you for reaching out, now I'd suggest go that one step further. I don't think you will regret it.
Cathy31
x

raerob

Ditto, to everything Cathy has suggested!!! Posting here in SR is great; but, nothing is more effective than a comforting, understanding voice over the phone...or a room full of program people who know where you're coming from, and the direction you need to head for getting through this rough spot.

Hang in there, Leigh!

Blake

Hey Leigh,

In my experience, what has helped me get through times when I really wanted to use was to not pick up any dope, and get my ass to a meeting, or at the least call my sponsor or other recovering addicts.

Just know that nothing going on in your life can MAKE you use, you don't HAVE to get loaded. You can't control the thoughts comming to you that tell you to go use, but you can control the actions you take after getting the thoughts, posting here about it is a good and responsible thing to do, going to a meeting and sharing about it would be a good responsible thing to do, keeping it inside and dwelling on it is not a good responsible thing to do.

Just keep on keeping on, and it'll pass.
Blake

LeighC

Thanks so much to all of you. I am going to follow your advice and call someone at the hotline. I have lost so many friends due to my addiction. My selfishness has pretty much left me alone. I know with NA I don't have to be alone, but just being around people is so hard for me sometimes, but I realize if I want to stay clean I just have to do it. There's a meeting in about 4 hours that I know of so I am going there. Just pray I stay strong until then. Again thank you all so much!!! LeighC

Blake

Just don't go get loaded for the next hour, if that seems too long, for the next 5 minutes. minutes add up really quick and before you know it, it'll be time for the meeting.

I was kinda freaked out about being around people right when I got clean too, but like you said, I knew if I wanted to stay clean, I needed to go to NA and be around other people like me. It took me a while to get comfortable, but I stuck with it and NA is the reason I still don't do dope today.

You can do it, I believe in you.

Peace and love,
Blake

LeighC

Thanks for the advice Blake and thanks for believing in me, I haven't heard that in a very long time. Thanks so much. Right now I'm staying clean just for each second and the seconds are adding up! LeighC

deenrose

Thank you for sharing honestly. I really hope that it worked out well for you. Everyone prior to me had given you somegreat sugesstions. So, I wont go there. I will only say that you should take them up on it. They work.

Like you I get all up in my head sometimes and I tend to dwell on things. I have a few 24 hours inder my belt now so the thoughts of using don't pull me like they once did. Now, they come at times in flashes. However, I don't dwell on them. I know how dangerous for me that can be. Before I do that and if it gets to that point I will call another addict and talk about it. Believe me it helps. Don't be shy about talking about whatever ails you. We don't judge. We can identify. One addict helping another is without parallel. Even better try to get to a meeting and raise your hand and share about what is bothering you. You may find that it takes a load off of your shoulders.

As long as you don't use things will get better for you. In NA, they told me, "We don't promise you riches or anything like that. But, we do promise you freedom from active addiction." If I am free from that then it is possible for me do accomplish some things.

They also told me to grap ahold of some slogans. One of the slogans that I like most is "The message is hope that any addict can lose the desire to use and find a new way to live." THINGS WILL GET BETTER FOR YOU...

toniapoland

[ Leigh,
Go to an N.A. meeting or A.A meeting , call a friend a sober one.. I have been clean from the needle for 3 years and the way you decribe your thought pattern sounds just like the way i was but come to find out I'm duel diagnosed with being Bi-Polar so my mind dosen't work like most it goes fast most of the time and the drugs made me feel normal like my mind would finally get some rest if i was high.. and that was the only time it would rest..then going through the feeling bad cause i went and used again and more depression would set in and the cycle would get worse..then back to using and ect.. this went on for about a year me going in and out of meetings I highly recomend meetings.. and a good sponsor and this web site is the bomb.... hang in there and remember keep coming back...
Tonia iQUOTE=LeighC]Please, I need all the advice I can get. I woke up this morning really wanting to use. I really don't know why I feel this way because I already know from much experience what the consequences would be. All I know is that I worry alot. No matter what is taking place in my life at a particular time I always seem to find something to worry about. I get something on my mind and it runs through my mind over and over day and night. It's like my brain is overlouded and won't shut down. I know I really sound crazy but I really need to let someone know how I feel. The more I worry the more depressed I get and the more I want to use. The only time I didn't worry was when I was high, but when I sobered up and got the drugs out of my system I had even more to worry about. I know that using will not take away my problems but I keep telling myself it would slow my brain down and give me a break. Why do I even consider using when I know it will only make things worse? I've never tried handling things in a different way besides using so that is what I decided to do. I am reaching out for help instead of doing what i've always done. Has anybody ever felt this way? If so how did you handle it? I really,really don't want to use but I do want my mind to slow down. SR, even the short time that I have been on here has helped me so much. I've read so many of your stories and I have more hope than I have ever had that my life can get better and that I can be happy and live my life to the fullest. If I use I will be walking down the same bumpy road that I have been walking down for years. Maybe by opening up to all of you I can finally get on the right road. Please I really need your help, I really appreciate all the advice I can get. Thank you so much!!! LeighC[/QUOTE]

Chy

I suggest getting yourself a big thick note pad and begin journaling. It helps keep the mind from racing as you describe and put's it somewhere else if that makes sense. I think you'll find journalling to be very therapeutic as well as help you slow it down up there. Whatever you do though... don't let it persuade you to use... this is your disease talking, right now it's pissed off as hell.

BSPGirl

Think of all the bad things that come from using. All the costs. I'm sure they outweigh the pro's, the benefits. At least for me they do. Oh and hang in there.

Cindi R

I used to repeat the Serenity prayer over and over again...

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference"

LeighC

Thanks so much for all the good advice. All of you have helped me more than you know. I went to a meeting and it was great. I didn't share which may have been wrong but I did listen to every word that was spoken. After the meeting I went for coffee and had a great time and got some great advice. These people were like all of you, they didn't know me at all but they seemed to really care. I've almost made it through a very difficult day and I feel great. My mind still hasn't slowed down much since I got home but I'm still clean. At least I still know what I'm thinking about and what I'm doing. Thanks again to everyone!!!

Cathy31 I sent you a private message and it's the first one I've ever sent. I'm not sure I did it right. Please let me know if you got it!!
LeighC

ASH

Hi Leigh,
Good for you! Going to a meeting and making some new friends and talking things out over coffee is soooo much better than spinning away at home.
Taking action to stay sober will get better results every single time.
You can do it, you deserve it!
Take care

shyl

Dear Leigh,I can really relate to what you wrote.
I likened it to my head being a boiled egg,when i drank it was like spooning the egg out for the night to give my brain a rest and stop thinking and worrying.
The trouble is you have to spoon it back in the next day and it feels horrible.

I am so glad to read you found relief and feel a bit better,good for you.
Kind Regards
Shyl

LeighC

Thanks to everyone for all of the great advice. Going to that meeting was great for me. It is so unlike me to go out with complete strangers and tell them how I feel ,but it really helped. I actually slept great last night and that's something I rarely ever do. Today I feel much better. My mind is still moving quick but since I delt with it yesterday I know I can handle it today.