wanting to die
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: huntington beach ca
Posts: 3
wanting to die
This is the second time here, last time my wife was watching so I didn't say truly how I felt but here it is a couple days ago I sat in a room thinking of all ways to kill myself, meth sure does kill.I'm tired, I'm soooooooo tired, I have a needle filled with bleech right now and it seems the easiest for everyone this way, why can't I stop hurting the ones I love
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
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I've heard it sooooo many times in the AA rooms: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Yes...you would put an end to your own misery...but, think about the pain you will cause those left behind!!!
Love yourself enough to get help! It's just a phone call away! Either the AA/NA phone hotline or Suicide hotline in your city...please make that call!!!
why can't I stop hurting the ones I love
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Hey Soda...
We're here to help...
So.. you just focus on how your going to go ON...
Talk to us.. okay..?
I sent you a private message... if you check the top of the forum...
Tell us what's up.
We're here to help...
So.. you just focus on how your going to go ON...
Talk to us.. okay..?
I sent you a private message... if you check the top of the forum...
Tell us what's up.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Hey dude. I have had those thoughts and the same feelings. Its the drugs talking. First thing you should do is figure out what you need to detox. Threatment? Whatever it takes. When I got clean, I had to get away. I had no ins. so rehab was not an option. I went all the way across the US, stayed with a friend, and worked 7 days a week for 2 1/2 months. I managed to save a pile of cash, came home clean, feeling good and looking good. I will be coming up on 9 months soon. I also attend NA meetings on a daily basis, have a sponsor, and work the steps. 9 months ago all I could think about was suicide. Today I enjoy my life. I would not trade my life for anything. Especially a bag of dope. There is never enough. You really dont have to do this. There is a way out. And its not suicide. For me its Narcotics Anonymous. I can assure you, if I can get clean and stay clean, anyone can. Hang in there and keep coming back. You can find a lot of support right here at SR. You can find even more in NA. Its all about choices man.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Hey, I think I replied to your other thread as well. You know I just wrote a thread on here a few weeks ago, and it talks about me going to run the marathon. I hate to keep bringing it up, but in it I say from suicidal to marathons in 5 months.
I was completely suicidal when I came here. I too, was into that bleach stuff. I started drinking it years ago to lose weight. It didn't work too well. But I recently was drinking some of it a little everyday hoping it would kill me and no one would ever know why I died.
I wanted to go sooo bad.... I was so convinced that nothing would ever be okay again.
I'm sober 7 wee,, OHHH IT'S 7 WEEKS TODAY!!!! WOO-HOO ME
Sorry bout that outburst.
I was in a place where you are just 7 weeks ago. Everyone here pretty much knows me as the happy one now. I'm pretty much always happy.
I don't know what happened. I've been diagnosed with depression, e.d., bipolar, and other stuff. I lost my insurance so I lost all of my antidepresants.
But I Swear to you, You can get through this, and be happy again. I so did not believe that a few weeks ago....
My uncle killed himself, it changed my mom, it changed his mom, it changed his dad, his brothers. It changed a lot of lives for the worse. His absense is a constant presence in all of our lives. My mom wouldn't be an alcoholic I truly believe had she not lost him. I wouldn't have gone through a lot of stuff that I have because of my mom's drinking if she hadn't gotten so messed up by his death.
I would almost guarantee you the meth is doing this too you. It makes me cry to know the pain your in, I can still feel it like it was yesterday.
Please just get off the meth before you make any final decisions about dying.
that is what I did, I decided to just give it a go, and once I was off the meth, if it was still that bad, i was going to do it.
Your not thinking like your normal self. The meth is thinking for you...
Go to the local ER, tell them you want to kill yourself, they have to admit you for 72 hours.
Life is still hard for me, i'm still stressed, but I hardly ever think of killing myself anymore.
pm me, anytime.....
If I remember right you have a child right?
Do this for them. You can do it for yourself later.
Right now they need you to survive this.
I was completely suicidal when I came here. I too, was into that bleach stuff. I started drinking it years ago to lose weight. It didn't work too well. But I recently was drinking some of it a little everyday hoping it would kill me and no one would ever know why I died.
I wanted to go sooo bad.... I was so convinced that nothing would ever be okay again.
I'm sober 7 wee,, OHHH IT'S 7 WEEKS TODAY!!!! WOO-HOO ME
Sorry bout that outburst.
I was in a place where you are just 7 weeks ago. Everyone here pretty much knows me as the happy one now. I'm pretty much always happy.
I don't know what happened. I've been diagnosed with depression, e.d., bipolar, and other stuff. I lost my insurance so I lost all of my antidepresants.
But I Swear to you, You can get through this, and be happy again. I so did not believe that a few weeks ago....
My uncle killed himself, it changed my mom, it changed his mom, it changed his dad, his brothers. It changed a lot of lives for the worse. His absense is a constant presence in all of our lives. My mom wouldn't be an alcoholic I truly believe had she not lost him. I wouldn't have gone through a lot of stuff that I have because of my mom's drinking if she hadn't gotten so messed up by his death.
I would almost guarantee you the meth is doing this too you. It makes me cry to know the pain your in, I can still feel it like it was yesterday.
Please just get off the meth before you make any final decisions about dying.
that is what I did, I decided to just give it a go, and once I was off the meth, if it was still that bad, i was going to do it.
Your not thinking like your normal self. The meth is thinking for you...
Go to the local ER, tell them you want to kill yourself, they have to admit you for 72 hours.
Life is still hard for me, i'm still stressed, but I hardly ever think of killing myself anymore.
pm me, anytime.....
If I remember right you have a child right?
Do this for them. You can do it for yourself later.
Right now they need you to survive this.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ere-80578.html
Just in case you want to read how I went to wanting to die in 5 weeks to the decision to running the marathon this explains it a little bit. I don't know if it will give you any hope, but maybe it will.
Just in case you want to read how I went to wanting to die in 5 weeks to the decision to running the marathon this explains it a little bit. I don't know if it will give you any hope, but maybe it will.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
Many of us have been where you are at this very moment. You know that death isn't what you want -- it is life. Choose it now. My prayers are with you. I have found peace and strength through God. In my weakness, His power is made perfect.
That is the Truth.
That is the Truth.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Yokohama, Japan
Posts: 487
Please read Done-with-It's post again and again.
I've personally been suicidal twice in my life, once before drinking and once during. While I was able to come out of it, I know it's because I realized that if I did it, it would have been the most selfish thing I had ever done. Done-with-It summarized it better than I've ever been able to:
I don't know if she intended it or not, but not only is that pure poetry, it is absolute unadulterated wisdom--100% GOLD. Your suicide would affect everyone in your life and would always be with them.
You are worth life. Please seek help and support. You don't have to do this alone--you would be foolish to try to do so. Accept the help so you can become stronger and then help others when you are well.
Keep posting and take care of yourself.
I've personally been suicidal twice in my life, once before drinking and once during. While I was able to come out of it, I know it's because I realized that if I did it, it would have been the most selfish thing I had ever done. Done-with-It summarized it better than I've ever been able to:
His absense is a constant presence in all of our lives.
You are worth life. Please seek help and support. You don't have to do this alone--you would be foolish to try to do so. Accept the help so you can become stronger and then help others when you are well.
Keep posting and take care of yourself.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
SodaPop check in when you can. Let us know what's up.
BeamMeUpScotty~Thank you so much... I went back and
read what I wrote after you said that, and it is something
I needed my head to hear right now. Even though the words
are in there, I still forget them sometimes. And right now
I need to remember them in a big way....
Soda look forward to getting an update.
BeamMeUpScotty~Thank you so much... I went back and
read what I wrote after you said that, and it is something
I needed my head to hear right now. Even though the words
are in there, I still forget them sometimes. And right now
I need to remember them in a big way....
Soda look forward to getting an update.
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
I hope you are in the process of getting help. My brother commited suicide 30 years ago. I am 100% certain had he reached out for help in that dark and lonely moment he would be alive today. The fallout damages people, haunts them, makes them feel pissed off, sad and helpless. Suicide is the ultimate EFF you and the ultimate horror for loved ones.
Praying you find help.
Frankie
Praying you find help.
Frankie
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
I spent over a month strapped to bed after a suiecide attempted.
There was not a cell in my body that wanted to live.
My journey back begin long, long before I even got sober.
I remember that long walk or the first step I took on the cold floor.
I hate everything, and everybody. I hated the fact I was still alive.
I hate the peaple for bringing me back. I hate god, if there was a god
for making live this life. Most of all I hated myself.
I didn't think anybody or anything can ever understand me.
And there was nothing anybody could have said or do to change
me or fix me. All the guilt, shame, regrets , hate, bitterness infested
me. How or why would anybody would want anything with me.
I don't have any answers for you.
I also rememeber just a couple of weeks there after.
A friend, someone that I hardly knew, only in passing.
I remember her pushing me on a swing set as if I was a child
I also remember breaking down and tears rushed out of me
as she held me.
Years later, i also remember coming home from work.
I remember my duaghter running to me and jumped on me.
I also remember sitting on a swing as she sat on my lap.
as we wacth the beautiful sunset . I remember her tellin
me "I love you daddy".
There was not a cell in my body that wanted to live.
My journey back begin long, long before I even got sober.
I remember that long walk or the first step I took on the cold floor.
I hate everything, and everybody. I hated the fact I was still alive.
I hate the peaple for bringing me back. I hate god, if there was a god
for making live this life. Most of all I hated myself.
I didn't think anybody or anything can ever understand me.
And there was nothing anybody could have said or do to change
me or fix me. All the guilt, shame, regrets , hate, bitterness infested
me. How or why would anybody would want anything with me.
I don't have any answers for you.
I also rememeber just a couple of weeks there after.
A friend, someone that I hardly knew, only in passing.
I remember her pushing me on a swing set as if I was a child
I also remember breaking down and tears rushed out of me
as she held me.
Years later, i also remember coming home from work.
I remember my duaghter running to me and jumped on me.
I also remember sitting on a swing as she sat on my lap.
as we wacth the beautiful sunset . I remember her tellin
me "I love you daddy".
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
I've heard it sooooo many times in the AA rooms: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Yes...you would put an end to your own misery...but, think about the pain you will cause those left behind!!!
His absense is a constant presence in all of our lives.
My brother commited suicide 30 years ago. I am 100% certain had he reached out for help in that dark and lonely moment he would be alive today. The fallout damages people, haunts them, makes them feel pissed off, sad and helpless. Suicide is the ultimate EFF you and the ultimate horror for loved ones.
Praying you find help.
Praying you find help.
You are worth life
My prayers are with you. I have found peace and strength through God. In my weakness, His power is made perfect.
There is hope. There are so many here that have wanted to kill themselves, and yet, found help, and hope, and no longer want to, as a matter of fact, are so grateful to god and everyone around them that they did not. You do not have to live in misery.
There is just as much hep and hope for you, as there is for the rest of us. We have all been to hell and back, or so it felt. Sodapop, you need to reach out for help..
By hiding your true feeling from your wife, it only makes matters worse.
Expose your feelings, get help, and you won't feel that way anymore. No matter how impossible that may seem, I promise you, it isn't. There are way to many people here that would be dead, if it weren't true..
Please Soda,, get some help.. No matter what it takes, you will feel better..
Do WHATEVER it takes to get HELP..
Were here for you,,,
Love and prayers,
Becky
I been to dark places in my mind too but I always came out alive. If I can, you can too, I think.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: ohio
Posts: 367
Soda pop....If you are worried that you are hurting your family....take time to think how something like that would hurt them. It can get better. There is so much help out there. I'm sure if you were honest with your wife, she'd stand by you. Try that.
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