Downward Spiral
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Don't worry. I really was kidding. No I wasn't. You are right. People in AA are weird. 
I think most of us understand what you meant. Sometimes a few AA members may come across as harsh and demanding. Don't take it personally. They mean well. We like to refer to it as tough love. No stress...you are doing great. Keep on posting and reading.
I think most of us understand what you meant. Sometimes a few AA members may come across as harsh and demanding. Don't take it personally. They mean well. We like to refer to it as tough love. No stress...you are doing great. Keep on posting and reading.
"The BAND" workshop ROCKS!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Indianapolis, Indiana
Posts: 1,502
I'm in AA and I'm definitly a sick Fck! LOL. THe really neat thing about AA is that we all have the same disease, so can share easily with each other about our experiences. When we feel that we are all alone, that no one understands us, that we are unique in our problems, there is nothing like another alcoholic to share with. That is how it works, simply helping and understanding each other.
To me Normal is a setting on my dryer.
To me Normal is a setting on my dryer.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Wiscgirl! How are you doing!? You sound good...all this talk about AA...did you manage to contact them or find a meeting...remember the further away we are from our last drunk, the easier it is for us to think we can now drink 'normally' and it was not really so bad!!!! Just telling you from my own experience!
Hope you are well, you sound well!
CAthy31
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Just telling you from my own experience!Hope you are well, you sound well!
CAthy31
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I'm a Pickle
Thread Starter
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 300
Yes - today I am well. Yesterday and the day before, not so good. Yes Cathy - I know what you mean about feeling you can drinking normally. I am already starting to have that feeling, that is so true. I believe you. daccman, thanks for your comment. I do have another thread that tells more about what has been going on in my life lately, other than alcohol, in mental health. I guess that is what is on my mind at the moment.
Yesterday and the day before, not so good. Yes Cathy - I know what you mean about feeling you can drinking normally. I am already starting to have that feeling, that is so true. I believe you. daccman, thanks for your comment. I do have another thread that tells more about what has been going on in my life lately, other than alcohol, in mental health. I guess that is what is on my mind at the moment.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Marshfield Wisconsin
Posts: 2
Wis girl,one of the things that turned me off about AA was the disease concept, it made me feel like i was diagnosed with leprosy or something!!! In SMART recovery they teach you that dependence, whether it's on alcohol or drugs or whatever is a behavior not a 'disease'. I truly believe in that. As part of a court ordered re-hab program i did have to get barraged with all sorts of AA gospel, I didn't like it . Sure it works for many people and i'm not knocking it ,I'm just not one of those people.
I'm a Pickle
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 300
So, last night I drank a glass of wine. And then another. I feel really guilty and didn't like it. Thats all I have to say. I know the cycle, I am starting to feel like making "deals" with myself. I know it isn't right. Gotta keep reading here.
"The BAND" workshop ROCKS!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Indianapolis, Indiana
Posts: 1,502
Originally Posted by daccman
Wis girl,one of the things that turned me off about AA was the disease concept, it made me feel like i was diagnosed with leprosy or something!!! In SMART recovery they teach you that dependence, whether it's on alcohol or drugs or whatever is a behavior not a 'disease'. I truly believe in that. As part of a court ordered re-hab program i did have to get barraged with all sorts of AA gospel, I didn't like it . Sure it works for many people and i'm not knocking it ,I'm just not one of those people.
Recover however you like, but I think there is some truth to calling alcoholism a disease. And I'm not just pumping up AA when I say this.
There is a documented physical difference between alcoholics and other people. We do process the alcohol differently in our bodies. If that and the obsession/compulsion isn't a disease, I don't know what you call it. Allergy seems too mild.
Another beautiful aspect of the 'disease' concept is that it has helped one heck of a lot of people due to insurance requirements for treatment and ability to get time off work for treatment/rehab and have a job when they got back.
just my .02, not wanting to start a flame war, okay?
I'm a Pickle
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 300
I definitely see what you are saying. I do think my body processes alcohol differently than other people - for sure - obviously. I don't know if I would say disease or allergy or what, I guess I don't think about calling it anything, haha... Yeah, the insurance thing is pretty awesome though.
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Call it whatever malady you like. It ruins life. Most of us can't just not drink without some other form of change such as a recovery program. You will continue to make deals with yourself if you don't start to change behaviors. I'd suggest going to a meeting. It may make the difference between sober and drunk. You know the power of the addiction. That will never change. You must learn to fight it. Get the much needed tools. I never liked AA much in the beginning either. However I was willing to go to any lengths to get sober. It works. Good luck...
I'm a Pickle
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 300
I drank wine last night. Not a ton, but enough to feel like crap. You guys are SO right. And I definitely must be an alcoholic. Yesterday I was on top of the world. Today I am depressed and miserable and missing my boyfriend all over again and feeling like a loser. Im so dumb. I had left the box of wine on top of the fridge. Today I will throw it away. Thank you for listening. Thank you for putting up with me.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Wisc
Hey, don't worry you're not the first one...my huge triggers are actually...when I start to feel REALLY good!! It's a downward spiral as you said yourself...why don't you read the thread again...and this time check out those meetings? It DOES HELP!!! I know I just can't do it on my own.
I hope you take the short way available to yoU!!
sending you hugs!
Cathy31
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Hey, don't worry you're not the first one...my huge triggers are actually...when I start to feel REALLY good!! It's a downward spiral as you said yourself...why don't you read the thread again...and this time check out those meetings? It DOES HELP!!! I know I just can't do it on my own.
I hope you take the short way available to yoU!!
sending you hugs!
Cathy31
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Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
Glad you came and talked about this Wisc....guess what no one is putting up with you, this is a life long learning deal, I always thought the gang here were putting up with me, for some strange reason I thought I'd be ok after the first few times in trying to stop drinking....I had no idea it's something we have to do over and over and over and over till something clicks....it has with me today, I'm more understanding then I ever have been with it, because I finally was able to put a few months together after years of drinking, I had a slip, but I know what to do today.
All we have is today, and you keep at it no matter how many times it takes....a tip for the day, don't be hard on yourself, that's what we tend to do, we feel so AWFUL from it.
I hope you soon find a way that will work for you, I have my Higher Power but I let it slip away for a bit, working on that again as we speak, I also have a written contract I wrote May 15th, one of the worse hangovers I've had, I wrote I'd do whatever it takes to stay sober, I have signatures on it, both my children and some members from AA, I did tend some meetings, they work but it's not for me, I know a lot of people grumble when some of us feel that way, but there are other choices..as DonS posted.
Take care girl, go easy on yourself today, I know it's not fun is it, I also know you can do this, you're here and there's a reason for it. Start cramming as much knowledge in your head as possible.....really THINK if that urge hits you again, which it will, be more prepared for it, whatver you do, don't ever get lazy, this is a job that's what I'm finding out today, it's a full time job....hey not a bad job though if it keeps us safe and sober.
Hugs.....Denise
All we have is today, and you keep at it no matter how many times it takes....a tip for the day, don't be hard on yourself, that's what we tend to do, we feel so AWFUL from it.
I hope you soon find a way that will work for you, I have my Higher Power but I let it slip away for a bit, working on that again as we speak, I also have a written contract I wrote May 15th, one of the worse hangovers I've had, I wrote I'd do whatever it takes to stay sober, I have signatures on it, both my children and some members from AA, I did tend some meetings, they work but it's not for me, I know a lot of people grumble when some of us feel that way, but there are other choices..as DonS posted.
Take care girl, go easy on yourself today, I know it's not fun is it, I also know you can do this, you're here and there's a reason for it. Start cramming as much knowledge in your head as possible.....really THINK if that urge hits you again, which it will, be more prepared for it, whatver you do, don't ever get lazy, this is a job that's what I'm finding out today, it's a full time job....hey not a bad job though if it keeps us safe and sober.
Hugs.....Denise
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Hey wisc girl,
I am also a wisc girl as you know.. I am so excited to see that there have been so many people here from wisc..
Anyway,, sounds liek you are struggling with which decisions to make on what type of help to get.. I have all kinds of help. Some has been mentioned.. But I do also attend
dual diagnosis, which was mentioned, and I see a drug and alcohol counselor, and ya know that's always an idea too, because they do help you decide which direction to go, and really help you along the way.
It is really important to have help, that is really the only thing I know. Some feel their program is the best,, I just say,, it's best to get some form of help. It's too hard to do on our own,, I know, I tried for a long time. Never was able to do it, just kept getting deeper and deeper into the disease,,.. The body suffers from all the abuse we do to it..
I do hope you try to find some type of help for you.. Ya know, there are some strange people at church, but there are strange people all over.. That sure doesn't make church a place not to go.. There are alot of wonderful people there also..
There are so many programs out there. I guess that is why I mentioned the D/A counselor,, it's just best to get help,, what ever form.
You hang in there. Keep posting.
Love,
Becky
I am also a wisc girl as you know.. I am so excited to see that there have been so many people here from wisc..
Anyway,, sounds liek you are struggling with which decisions to make on what type of help to get.. I have all kinds of help. Some has been mentioned.. But I do also attend
dual diagnosis, which was mentioned, and I see a drug and alcohol counselor, and ya know that's always an idea too, because they do help you decide which direction to go, and really help you along the way.
It is really important to have help, that is really the only thing I know. Some feel their program is the best,, I just say,, it's best to get some form of help. It's too hard to do on our own,, I know, I tried for a long time. Never was able to do it, just kept getting deeper and deeper into the disease,,.. The body suffers from all the abuse we do to it..
I do hope you try to find some type of help for you.. Ya know, there are some strange people at church, but there are strange people all over.. That sure doesn't make church a place not to go.. There are alot of wonderful people there also..
There are so many programs out there. I guess that is why I mentioned the D/A counselor,, it's just best to get help,, what ever form.
You hang in there. Keep posting.
Love,
Becky
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi Wiscgirl!
I have just read your thread, and boy ! it has brought back some painful memories for me , which is a good thing, cos I NEVER want to forget where I was , and how I felt when I had my last drink!
Congratulations on reaching out ,and looking for a way to adress your problem, how I wish I had done it at your age!
When I was drinking , I had my son , as a child , with me, and he had to be dragged thru my Alcaholism with me , how I regret it now ! I was 57 when I finally put it down, and it was too late to repair the damage I have done to my relationship with my son. He is married, and I have 2 grandbabies, but just before I stopped drinking, he and his wife decided ( rightly) that i was too toxic to be invoved with their family, ( whichI was ) and I have not seen nor heard from them for 21/2 years.
I have now been sober 2 years, and am just getting to know the real me! Very interesting it is too.
I too drank to blackout, was banned from pubs, came to with bruises of unknown origin! BUT the worst thing was the self hatred!! It paralysed me ! Every time I picked up that first drink, I hated myself a bit more, I knew where it would take me, but I HAD to do it . As for the dpression, it was deadly! I used to think I drank cos I was depressed, but for me , it is/was the other way around, since I have been sober, my depression has lifted!
The suicidal thoughts were a big part of my drinking story too. I would drive to work, and think, " I could just change lanes , and bam! it will all be over", obviously Inever did, but THEN I hated myself cos I was too scared to do it ! Insane LOL
I DID chose AA as my method of recovery, but the main thing is that you dont drink today
If you dont pick up the first drink, you can't get drunk!
So glad you have made your decision at an early age, and in time to have a wonderful relationship with your sons.
be kind to you , and I wish you best luck ( from OZ!) LOL
HUGX
Lee
I have just read your thread, and boy ! it has brought back some painful memories for me , which is a good thing, cos I NEVER want to forget where I was , and how I felt when I had my last drink!
Congratulations on reaching out ,and looking for a way to adress your problem, how I wish I had done it at your age!
When I was drinking , I had my son , as a child , with me, and he had to be dragged thru my Alcaholism with me , how I regret it now ! I was 57 when I finally put it down, and it was too late to repair the damage I have done to my relationship with my son. He is married, and I have 2 grandbabies, but just before I stopped drinking, he and his wife decided ( rightly) that i was too toxic to be invoved with their family, ( whichI was ) and I have not seen nor heard from them for 21/2 years.
I have now been sober 2 years, and am just getting to know the real me! Very interesting it is too.
I too drank to blackout, was banned from pubs, came to with bruises of unknown origin! BUT the worst thing was the self hatred!! It paralysed me ! Every time I picked up that first drink, I hated myself a bit more, I knew where it would take me, but I HAD to do it . As for the dpression, it was deadly! I used to think I drank cos I was depressed, but for me , it is/was the other way around, since I have been sober, my depression has lifted!
The suicidal thoughts were a big part of my drinking story too. I would drive to work, and think, " I could just change lanes , and bam! it will all be over", obviously Inever did, but THEN I hated myself cos I was too scared to do it ! Insane LOL
I DID chose AA as my method of recovery, but the main thing is that you dont drink today
If you dont pick up the first drink, you can't get drunk!
So glad you have made your decision at an early age, and in time to have a wonderful relationship with your sons.
be kind to you , and I wish you best luck ( from OZ!) LOL
HUGX
Lee
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