Phinneas

So, so true. For me at least. I seem to have two speeds - on or off. On is when I scream around like a mad woman doing 8,000 things in a day. Off is when I can't even be bothered to get dressed.

Yet another thing I am grateful to recovery for - that I can make small changes that will indeed lead to a better life.

--phinny

na4today

I can lay in bed for days just thinking about what i should be doing. My bedroom has clothes everywhere that are washed but not folded. Need to vacuum, dust ect...
I thought that when I got clean I would have some energy again and get back to life again but some days I think it is worse. All I really want to do is not move.

nutz

Yeah...it's hard to kick start, but once you get the ball rolling
it gets better , little by little. I staired at the door knob for weeks
before.Then I go touch it, then I take a pip outside,
then i run out for a sec then run back in.
Then I do like phinny and find yourself in over drive.lmaf
Consistantcy is the name of the game.
I made a list and put it on my refrigerator, scratch one thing off
but always add one. I remake the list every sundaynight.

I staired at my guitar for 2 months in Jan-Fed
Recovery people be tellin me ..play it!!!! everytime I go to a meeting
or get a phone call.
The first time I picked it up...twwanggggg!, one chord and put it down.
Two weeks later...strum, strum...lmaf
Two months later..ba.da, da, Daht, ....ba,da,..da,daht.
now...my damn fingers are bleed'in

I miss thursday night....WOOO hoooo...luandry night.
Single... and doing me luandry at the luandry mat.
Reading my little recovery book and folding clothe neatly.
I am not allow to do luandry anymore.lol

Speak of housing clean.The bath tub.
It took a month to get there.lmaf
and it took me a week to scrub all that caked up crud, the first time.
I scrub it once a week now no matter what. Spend hours
in there...pretent like I'm scrubbing my mind clean of all the
caked up crap.

nogard

Motivation for me comes and goes. I am most motivated when I keep focussed and don't try and do everytrhing at once, that is overwhelming for me.

I also find that my motivation is tied in with how I am doing. For instance if I am sitting around doing nothing and there is nothing physically wrong with me, then for me that signals that things are not ok and that I need to take some action on the spiriual, physical and emiotonal level.

Thanks for this thread as it has helped to get me going today as I sat here with the worlds smallest violin.

Kevin

shutterbug

My words EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!! My depression got so bad that i couldn't concentrate to drive, which i had to do for word everyday! Ever since then (Aug 2004) I have been struggling.....the bit about writing out a check....I tell people all the time that here i am a college graduate and it's too much effort for me to mail of a water or phone payment! It's not just writing the check, it's also the labeling the envelope, finding a stamp, figuring out wether to pay the whole thing or partial, recording that in the record book, sealing the envelope and walking out to the mail box----and if i don't have stamps and have to go out to the post office and stand in line to buy some then you might as well forget it.

So my mom, luckily, has taken care of my financial matters for the past year. It's hard on my self-esteem, but saves me money in late fees, re-connection fees, over-draft charges and most importantly the STRESS!!!!!!!!

shutterbug

Television actress Patty Duke said this in her book "A Brilliant Maddness"

Duke said mild depression became a way of life for a long time, but then came repetitve cycles of mania and depression.

"The only variation would be that in some depressions I would go to bed for six, eight, ten weeks at a time," she said. "When I was in one of those deep depressions, I was shut down, everything shut down….Those periods when I stayed in bed, behind closed doors for all those weeks, I felt dirty, smelly. Part of me thought I should get up and wash myself and then I would dismiss that because I just couldn’t get up…You just lie there and you can’t transform those thoughts into any action that will change anything."

Don't know if that speaks to anyone or not, besides me, but thought i'd share anyway.

Luckyv2

Sometimes I have to pray for the modivation as well as the willingness and then it comes when it is time...

Love Vic

roadie58

Had a visitor yesterday, house is a mess. Was thinking about getting up and getting some work done. As it turns out, power was off from 3 am until noon. So I couldn't watch tv, listen to stereo, play on computer or even read. I just folded clothes and picked up stuff for a few hours.

Power's back on now, obviously. No I don't have one of those hand-crank computers.

lulu70

Great thread! I feel better already. (As I sit here in the same shirt I wore yesterday, piles of clean laundry in the laundry room, dirty dishes in the sink, unpaid bills on the desk.....LOL.) Seriously, though, I can completely relate. I heard a couple of really good things I wanted to re-iterate here:
So very, very true. However, my 'lack of motivation,' 'laziness,' or what ever you want to call it often keeps me from taking ANY action.
My mom and Dad like to tell a story about how when I was a little (2-3) kid and was asked to clean my room, I would just stand at the door, stare and the mess, and cry. Finally, when they had enough, they asked what was wrong. I said, "I can't do it all!!!!!" My Dad said, "No. You can't do it all at once. All you have to do is pick up one thing at a time." Kinda like the 'one day at a time' thing. I think I was a little alcoholic even then.........

I can really relate to everything everyone said, except maybe Singer and her running 2 miles a day!!! LOL I think it is wonderful that you can do that, Singer. I have gained a LOT of weight and I still can't make myself go out for a little walk around the block!! More power to you, sister.

I am definitely a victim of the, 'if I can't do it all, I won't do anything' syndrome. And it all feeds in to my depression. Today, though, I am getting some things done. I just spent 2 1/2 hours searching for children's books for work. Sort of crazy to have let it take that long, but oh well. I am also going to put all the laundry away today. And we are going to the library this afternoon. That is definitely progress. I usually don't leave the house all weekend.

I say we just keep supporting each other and remember to congratulate each other for our accomplishments. Sometimes it is good for me to remember that the most important accomplishment for today is not picking up that drink or drug.

Love and hugs to all!!!

roadie58

Lulu, sounds like we could be roommates. I love sorting the laundry and putting it through the machines, but the folding and putting away- fahget about it! Same with dishes, etc. Just pre-soak in sink until it gets stinky enough to run the dw.

Maybe I'll try to pick up one article of clothing at a time this afternoon, might work.

lulu70

Hey Roadie--Here's something you could do.......clean out your mailbox!!! It's full......

Hugs--

hopealwayz

Today is one of those days where I feel overwhelmed about the workload ahead of me. In all fairness though, I procrastinated and waited until the last day to do what I had to do. I need to work on the procrastination. My life would be so much more manageable if I could do stuff as assigned and not put it off. I have always been like that though and it seems as though I have passed this on to my sisters.
Oops...............

Baby steps............baby steps................. breathe.

Hugs,
Cheryl

Little Missy

((Laura)) I was the same way as a kid!! LOL Then as I got older my Mom would say, "You'd rather not eat then cook something." or my all time favorite, "Why don't you just throw your laundry in the washer, it's not like you have to take it out back and beat it on a rock!!" LOL

Been doing better today. Did some dishes, re-washed some smelly laundry left in the water -YUCK!! Picking up around the house and getting ready for next Saturday night. We are having AA game night at our house!! Better clean up, or I'll never hear the end of it!!

Back to cleaning I go!! HI HO HI HO!!

lulu70

Considering I have been sick for a week, I think I did pretty well today. I finally got a bunch of stuff out of the laundry room and put away. There are still 3 loads that need to be folded, but I had two weeks worth which was just sitting there waiting for the closets and drawers. I also did an on-line search for books about cowboys, Native Americans, and Thanksgiving for the next three weeks of school. That took about 2 hours. I went to the library and checked out the books, took a shower, and gave Q a bath. Whew!!! I am exhausted. I better rest some now. I don't want to be sick to go back to work tomorrow!

I hope everyone is having a better day today. Baby steps is definitely the way to do it....

Hugs--

gettin_by

I'm a "newbie". I beat myself up on a daily basis. The day ALWAYS starts out crappy, I want to do things, it always seems that @ bedtime, I tell myself "I'm not going to be like this tomorrow! I am REALLY gonna get this place straightened up..." and that has repeated itself for a couple of years. How much longer can this go on?

gettin_by

[QUOTE=gettin_by]I'm a "newbie". I beat myself up on a daily basis. The day ALWAYS starts out crappy, I want to do things, it always seems that @ bedtime, I tell myself "I'm not going to be like this tomorrow! I am REALLY gonna get this place straightened up..." and that has repeated itself for a couple of years. How much longer can this go on?

lulu70

Welcome to SR, Gettin By. Glad you found us. Don't worry about the posting thing. Sometimes it takes a little while to get the hang of it around here. Why don't you start a new thread and tell us a little bit about yourself.

Hang in there--

hopealwayz

Welcome to SR Gettinby!

hopealwayz

I may just go to bed tonight and get up around 4 AM to study. I think I may be more productive when I am not so tired. I keep reading the same thing over and over and I'm having trouble remembering it. My eyes are burning and are red. I think I just need sleep but it is hard to get to sleep knowing that I have this stuff to study for. A lot of information. I will try getting up early. I will be gentle with myself now.

shockozulu

Great quote from Patty Duke shutterbug. That says it all to me. I'm lucky to get to the computer and type out replys to a Bulletin Board lately. I didn't get an one sentence email out for four days even though I've been at the computer.