Irish Virus

bfree4u:

It sounds to me that you are in a difficult situation. It also sounds to me that you are not really ready "wanting" to quit. You stated "I am afraid if I lose his # and decide to use again". If you are serious, ditch the number. Maybe being afraid of wandering the streets and getting beat up again is a good thing. That just might keep you from getting high until you can call someone and restore yourself to sanity.

The second problem with this pusher that I see is that you are a women. You signed your first post Beth so I would assume that is the case. You state that he is some bad ass drug dealer that can get violent. Well, I am a peaceful person but believe sometimes it is necessary to fight fire with fire. A cop ain't gonna give a rat's ass if some x-dealer is giving you a call. There is nothing illegal about it and unless he is a big time dealer they ain't gonna waste their time or resources on it.

I'm sure you can handle yourself, but it sure wouldn't hurt to have a couple bad ass friends tell this motherf'er to leave you alone. I'm sure you know a couple of people who would be more than happy to help you out.

Time2Surrender

Get to an NA meeting and share about your situation.You never know.I went to some NA meetings in New Jersey this summer and met some pretty hard core people that would scare off any dealer.Especialy if they see a woman being hassled.Either way,NA is how I got clean.

Jessie

bfree4u - Good name.

I agree with what people have been saying (including the whole keeping-the-back-door open thing - I've done it myself in the past). But, as people have already said, you have to want this but remember you're worth more than this.

You're worth more than the suffering, the pain, the paranoia, the obsessive thinking and the low-life dealers who make a living out of human suffering. We're all here for a reason (Lord knows what mine is yet, but I'm working on it) and if you let your addict take over you won't get the chance to find out what that is.

I've heard some truly amazing stories in NA and AA and for the first time in my life hope and faith have been restored. No one judges you and I haven't met a person yet who doesn't understand what I've been through and what I'm going through now.

It took me years to get into the fellowship .... I kept thinking it wasn't for me. Now I'm in I don't want to give it up. I believe they call it a 'healthy obsession'.... I'd rather have this kind of obsession than the one that's kept me sick all these years.

I don't condone violence - in public - but the idea of getting to a meeting and hooking up with some 'clean' guys with a bit of muscle is not the worst idea I've heard.

You sound like you're on your knees emotionally so... while you're down there pray to find a way to get this dealer out of your life

Take it easy

Jess

bikewench

...atta gurl... ;o)

EndOfRoadWife

Beth! Keep that fort strong and don't give in girl!!!! You can fight it!

angelgirl

My addiction counselor told us in treatment, that often addicts "keep that ne door open", we tell everyone we are in recovery, but that one person, as SheStruggles put it.. It is often very true, and sounds to be what's going on with you..
CLOSE that last door.. Don't let him in. We have all had to deal with tough situations, but if you really, really want recovery, you will do what it takes to close that last door, and completely open the door to a much better, happier life.. Go for it, you can, and are doing it Just keep it up.
Drug pushers are scum.. If you see, or hear from him again, just stop at that moment and think about this, he DOES"NT care if you live or die, he doesn't care anything about you, he wants your money, and does'nt give a crap about your life, no matter what he may say.
If you do that, it should sicken you just to look at him. Just keep thinking, he DOES NOT care if I DIE.. He'll just go on to the next person.. Won't even consider anything except, "darn, I have lost some income"..
Think about it,
Love, Becky

Nyte Byrd

If you truly have a desire to stop, you will simply ask him to stop calling and that you do not use anymore. You owe him no explanations. I would be curious how he seems to be getting your new number(s) if you changed it.
Perhaps there are other friend(s) of yours who still use and know him that he could have gotten it from? There would have to be a 'somehow' and if it were me I would be interested in learning what that 'somehow' may be, so I could ask a possible 'someone' who may be giving it to him.

I had to let not only drug dealers go when I got sober, but there were certain friends who still used I had to stay clear of as well. I would attend meetings on a daily basis, if that is possible for you, and find yourself a temp sponsor who you can get some daily support and guidance on these concerns.

Good luck to you Beth. Stay close to the program.

GG733

I've found the best way to get rid of unwanted sicko's like him is to start talkin' program stuff to them, and mention God a lot!!! If he's as sick as you say he is, that'll send him screaming in the other direction quicker than anything, and you wont endanger your life in the process. AND...who knows, you might just plant a seed while you're at it.

nogard

Hi bree4u,

Its either all or nothing, You need to commit to being clean, tell the guy and next time call the cops, I had to do this a long long time ago and thought I might get hurt, but it did the trick.

Thinking of you.

nogard

NoMoBeer

I wasn't a drug user, but do you think it would be smart for me to keep a couple of cases of beer in the house "just in case" I decide to start drinking again? Lose this as$hole's number, first of all.

Second, you can have his number blocked from your phone, no need to rat, no need to get yourself in any danger. I would also change your cell phone or whichever number he's calling-- cut the ties!