Need Advice...Really Stressed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Tyler, Texas
Posts: 1,028
Need Advice...Really Stressed
OK Rarely do I do this but I'm gonna loose it here. I need advice.
This is the thing between working, Daycare, keeping up the house,taking care of Colby when I'm off, going to get my older kids every other weekend. I'm having a hard time dealing with all this on my own. The problem is I know one screw up or if I was to get sick or my car breaks down.....Me and Colby would have no where to live and everything I am working so hard for whooosh would be gone. I am really stressed and feel like I am loosing it.
I wonder how much longer I can keep all this up..I feel like I am on a tight wire and I am about to fall.
This is the thing between working, Daycare, keeping up the house,taking care of Colby when I'm off, going to get my older kids every other weekend. I'm having a hard time dealing with all this on my own. The problem is I know one screw up or if I was to get sick or my car breaks down.....Me and Colby would have no where to live and everything I am working so hard for whooosh would be gone. I am really stressed and feel like I am loosing it.
I wonder how much longer I can keep all this up..I feel like I am on a tight wire and I am about to fall.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Babeek...
Careful there... don't let that imagination wander too far into the future.. ;o)
We can only do what we can do... and worrying about dropping the ball is only going to add to your already overflowing burdens...
Take whatever steps you can to make your path smoother.. then jsut keep doing one right thing after another...
Even jugglers drop the ball... but.. they get to pick it up and keep trying..
Praying for strength and a smooth road for you.
Careful there... don't let that imagination wander too far into the future.. ;o)
We can only do what we can do... and worrying about dropping the ball is only going to add to your already overflowing burdens...
Take whatever steps you can to make your path smoother.. then jsut keep doing one right thing after another...
Even jugglers drop the ball... but.. they get to pick it up and keep trying..
Praying for strength and a smooth road for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Tyler, Texas
Posts: 1,028
Tanks bikewench...the thing is I worry about this all the time and I just never say anything and I think it just really hit me hard today.
There is really nothing I can cut to make things less stressful and I can't help but wonderwhat happens if I WAS to get sick (I mean everybody gets sick sometimes) what's going to happen then....I'm barely covering bills now, if that !!
There is really nothing I can cut to make things less stressful and I can't help but wonderwhat happens if I WAS to get sick (I mean everybody gets sick sometimes) what's going to happen then....I'm barely covering bills now, if that !!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
I hear ya Babeek..
I use to worry all the time as well.
I use to feel myself coming down with something... and I would brick wall myself and tell myself that I was NOT ALLOWED to get sick because there was no one else to take care of me and my daughter....
I mean.. I was with a guy.. but.. there was nothing there financially... and I jsut couldn't trust anyone to take care of me and mine...
It made me take care of myself though... cause I was scared to death I would get incapacitated..
So.. I know..
Worry alone can make us sick.. so... you just keep your eye on the horizon... and don't sweat the stuff you have no control over..
just one foot in front of the other...
I use to worry all the time as well.
I use to feel myself coming down with something... and I would brick wall myself and tell myself that I was NOT ALLOWED to get sick because there was no one else to take care of me and my daughter....
I mean.. I was with a guy.. but.. there was nothing there financially... and I jsut couldn't trust anyone to take care of me and mine...
It made me take care of myself though... cause I was scared to death I would get incapacitated..
So.. I know..
Worry alone can make us sick.. so... you just keep your eye on the horizon... and don't sweat the stuff you have no control over..
just one foot in front of the other...
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
(((Babeekj)))
You are futurizing. And catastrophising. I know it well. I've been the queen of catastrophising with Trevor. I can assure you that - for me - it's NEVER been as bad as I thought it was going to be. NEVER.
And, no matter how smart we are, we just cannot see into the future. Oh, I was so certain that Trevor was going to die when he was living on the streets. I KNEW it. But, I didn't, did I?
I hope that helps you put things into perspective abit. We have to deal with today and only today. Each and every day.
Please learn some things to help you deal with the stress you are under. Here's something that may help:
Stress Management
What is Stress?
Stress is the "wear and tear" our bodies experience as we adjust to our continually changing environment; it has physical and emotional effects on us and can create positive or negative feelings. As a positive influence, stress can help compel us to action; it can result in a new awareness and an exciting new perspective. As a negative influence, it can result in feelings of distrust, rejection, anger, and depression, which in turn can lead to health problems such as headaches, upset stomach, rashes, insomnia, ulcers, high blood pressure, heart disease, and stroke. With the death of a loved one, the birth of a child, a job promotion, or a new relationship, we experience stress as we readjust our lives. In so adjusting to different circumstances, stress will help or hinder us depending on how we react to it.
How Can I Eliminate Stress from My Life?
As we have seen, positive stress adds anticipation and excitement to life, and we all thrive under a certain amount of stress. Deadlines, competitions, confrontations, and even our frustrations and sorrows add depth and enrichment to our lives. Our goal is not to eliminate stress but to learn how to manage it and how to use it to help us. Insufficient stress acts as a depressant and may leave us feeling bored or dejected; on the other hand, excessive stress may leave us feeling "tied up in knots." What we need to do is find the optimal level of stress which will individually motivate but not overwhelm each of us.
How Can I Tell What is Optimal Stress for Me?
There is no single level of stress that is optimal for all people. We are all individual creatures with unique requirements. As such, what is distressing to one may be a joy to another. And even when we agree that a particular event is distressing, we are likely to differ in our physiological and psychological responses to it.
The person who loves to arbitrate disputes and moves from job site to job site would be stressed in a job which was stable and routine, whereas the person who thrives under stable conditions would very likely be stressed on a job where duties were highly varied. Also, our personal stress requirements and the amount which we can tolerate before we become distressed changes with our ages.
It has been found that most illness is related to unrelieved stress. If you are experiencing stress symptoms, you have gone beyond your optimal stress level; you need to reduce the stress in your life and/or improve your ability to manage it.
How Can I Manage Stress Better?
Identifying unrelieved stress and being aware of its effect on our lives is not sufficient for reducing its harmful effects. Just as there are many sources of stress, there are many possibilities for its management. However, all require work toward change: changing the source of stress and/or changing your reaction to it. How do you proceed?
1. Become aware of your stressors and your emotional and physical reactions.
Notice your distress. Don't ignore it. Don't gloss over your problems.
Determine what events distress you. What are you telling yourself about meaning of these events?
Determine how your body responds to the stress. Do you become nervous or physically upset? If so, in what specific ways?
2. Recognize what you can change.
Can you change your stressors by avoiding or eliminating them completely?
Can you reduce their intensity (manage them over a period of time instead of on a daily or weekly basis)?
Can you shorten your exposure to stress (take a break, leave the physical premises)?
Can you devote the time and energy necessary to making a change (goal setting, time management techniques, and delayed gratification strategies may be helpful here)?
3. Reduce the intensity of your emotional reactions to stress.
The stress reaction is triggered by your perception of danger...physical danger and/or emotional danger. Are you viewing your stressors in exaggerated terms and/or taking a difficult situation and making it a disaster?
Are you expecting to please everyone?
Are you overreacting and viewing things as absolutely critical and urgent? Do you feel you must always prevail in every situation?
Work at adopting more moderate views; try to see the stress as something you can cope with rather than something that overpowers you.
Try to temper your excess emotions. Put the situation in perspective. Do not labor on the negative aspects and the "what if's."
4. Learn to moderate your physical reactions to stress.
Slow, deep breathing will bring your heart rate and respiration back to normal.
Relaxation techniques can reduce muscle tension. Electronic biofeedback can help you gain voluntary control over such things as muscle tension, heart reate, and blood pressure.
Medications, when prescribed by a physician, can help in the short term in moderating your physical reactions. However, they alone are not the answer. Learning to moderate these reactions on your own is a preferable long-term solution.
5. Build your physical reserves.
Exercise for cardiovascular fitness three to four times a week (moderate, prolonged rhythmic exercise is best, such as walking, swimming, cycling, or jogging).
Eat well-balanced, nutritious meals.
Maintain your ideal weight.
Avoid nicotine, excessive caffeine, and other stimulants.
Mix leisure with work. Take breaks and get away when you can.
Get enough sleep. Be as consistent with your sleep schedule as possible.
6. Maintain your emotional reserves.
Develop some mutually supportive friendships/relationships.
Pursue realistic goals which are meaningful to you, rather than goals others have for you that you do not share.
Expect some frustrations, failures, and sorrows.
Always be kind and gentle with yourself -- be a friend to yourself.
I hope this helps...
Shalom!
You are futurizing. And catastrophising. I know it well. I've been the queen of catastrophising with Trevor. I can assure you that - for me - it's NEVER been as bad as I thought it was going to be. NEVER.
And, no matter how smart we are, we just cannot see into the future. Oh, I was so certain that Trevor was going to die when he was living on the streets. I KNEW it. But, I didn't, did I?
I hope that helps you put things into perspective abit. We have to deal with today and only today. Each and every day.
Please learn some things to help you deal with the stress you are under. Here's something that may help:
Stress Management
What is Stress?
Stress is the "wear and tear" our bodies experience as we adjust to our continually changing environment; it has physical and emotional effects on us and can create positive or negative feelings. As a positive influence, stress can help compel us to action; it can result in a new awareness and an exciting new perspective. As a negative influence, it can result in feelings of distrust, rejection, anger, and depression, which in turn can lead to health problems such as headaches, upset stomach, rashes, insomnia, ulcers, high blood pressure, heart disease, and stroke. With the death of a loved one, the birth of a child, a job promotion, or a new relationship, we experience stress as we readjust our lives. In so adjusting to different circumstances, stress will help or hinder us depending on how we react to it.
How Can I Eliminate Stress from My Life?
As we have seen, positive stress adds anticipation and excitement to life, and we all thrive under a certain amount of stress. Deadlines, competitions, confrontations, and even our frustrations and sorrows add depth and enrichment to our lives. Our goal is not to eliminate stress but to learn how to manage it and how to use it to help us. Insufficient stress acts as a depressant and may leave us feeling bored or dejected; on the other hand, excessive stress may leave us feeling "tied up in knots." What we need to do is find the optimal level of stress which will individually motivate but not overwhelm each of us.
How Can I Tell What is Optimal Stress for Me?
There is no single level of stress that is optimal for all people. We are all individual creatures with unique requirements. As such, what is distressing to one may be a joy to another. And even when we agree that a particular event is distressing, we are likely to differ in our physiological and psychological responses to it.
The person who loves to arbitrate disputes and moves from job site to job site would be stressed in a job which was stable and routine, whereas the person who thrives under stable conditions would very likely be stressed on a job where duties were highly varied. Also, our personal stress requirements and the amount which we can tolerate before we become distressed changes with our ages.
It has been found that most illness is related to unrelieved stress. If you are experiencing stress symptoms, you have gone beyond your optimal stress level; you need to reduce the stress in your life and/or improve your ability to manage it.
How Can I Manage Stress Better?
Identifying unrelieved stress and being aware of its effect on our lives is not sufficient for reducing its harmful effects. Just as there are many sources of stress, there are many possibilities for its management. However, all require work toward change: changing the source of stress and/or changing your reaction to it. How do you proceed?
1. Become aware of your stressors and your emotional and physical reactions.
Notice your distress. Don't ignore it. Don't gloss over your problems.
Determine what events distress you. What are you telling yourself about meaning of these events?
Determine how your body responds to the stress. Do you become nervous or physically upset? If so, in what specific ways?
2. Recognize what you can change.
Can you change your stressors by avoiding or eliminating them completely?
Can you reduce their intensity (manage them over a period of time instead of on a daily or weekly basis)?
Can you shorten your exposure to stress (take a break, leave the physical premises)?
Can you devote the time and energy necessary to making a change (goal setting, time management techniques, and delayed gratification strategies may be helpful here)?
3. Reduce the intensity of your emotional reactions to stress.
The stress reaction is triggered by your perception of danger...physical danger and/or emotional danger. Are you viewing your stressors in exaggerated terms and/or taking a difficult situation and making it a disaster?
Are you expecting to please everyone?
Are you overreacting and viewing things as absolutely critical and urgent? Do you feel you must always prevail in every situation?
Work at adopting more moderate views; try to see the stress as something you can cope with rather than something that overpowers you.
Try to temper your excess emotions. Put the situation in perspective. Do not labor on the negative aspects and the "what if's."
4. Learn to moderate your physical reactions to stress.
Slow, deep breathing will bring your heart rate and respiration back to normal.
Relaxation techniques can reduce muscle tension. Electronic biofeedback can help you gain voluntary control over such things as muscle tension, heart reate, and blood pressure.
Medications, when prescribed by a physician, can help in the short term in moderating your physical reactions. However, they alone are not the answer. Learning to moderate these reactions on your own is a preferable long-term solution.
5. Build your physical reserves.
Exercise for cardiovascular fitness three to four times a week (moderate, prolonged rhythmic exercise is best, such as walking, swimming, cycling, or jogging).
Eat well-balanced, nutritious meals.
Maintain your ideal weight.
Avoid nicotine, excessive caffeine, and other stimulants.
Mix leisure with work. Take breaks and get away when you can.
Get enough sleep. Be as consistent with your sleep schedule as possible.
6. Maintain your emotional reserves.
Develop some mutually supportive friendships/relationships.
Pursue realistic goals which are meaningful to you, rather than goals others have for you that you do not share.
Expect some frustrations, failures, and sorrows.
Always be kind and gentle with yourself -- be a friend to yourself.
I hope this helps...
Shalom!
Dreamlike...Now
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 707
Babee
I am venturing out on this, but I know you are in Alanon so I will take a chance and say this is where we must rely utterly on our HP. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where we seperate the women from the girls. This is where faith and courage are tested. Can you surrender? Can you have faith that God will not let you fall too far? Do you know...really really know that God will not give you more than you can handle? Can you just keep doing the next right thing and march on knowing that God will provide?
All Women of faith have courage.
I still struggle with fear as a single mother....but it gets better everyday.
Thanks for opening up and sharing....that in itself is faith and courage.
Love you sweetness
I am venturing out on this, but I know you are in Alanon so I will take a chance and say this is where we must rely utterly on our HP. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where we seperate the women from the girls. This is where faith and courage are tested. Can you surrender? Can you have faith that God will not let you fall too far? Do you know...really really know that God will not give you more than you can handle? Can you just keep doing the next right thing and march on knowing that God will provide?
All Women of faith have courage.
I still struggle with fear as a single mother....but it gets better everyday.
Thanks for opening up and sharing....that in itself is faith and courage.
Love you sweetness
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Tyler, Texas
Posts: 1,028
Thanks guys...I have an idea...I will auction off Colby to you guys to the highest bidder...borrow Noah's motorcycle ( I'm sure I can learn to ride real fast seeing as I never have rode one beofre) ...I'll ride the country meeting all the people from SR and eat chocolate.
WHO IS MY FIRST BIDDER ???? FaeryQueen you saw his pic...you let em in on how cute he is.
Thanks guys.....you know I am just used to always having a back up plan "just in case"..I don't feel real secure not being able to figure out a back up plan...if I getr a second job Colby will be raised by the daycare people and I'll never see my older kids...but as I am holding on by a thread !
WHO IS MY FIRST BIDDER ???? FaeryQueen you saw his pic...you let em in on how cute he is.
Thanks guys.....you know I am just used to always having a back up plan "just in case"..I don't feel real secure not being able to figure out a back up plan...if I getr a second job Colby will be raised by the daycare people and I'll never see my older kids...but as I am holding on by a thread !
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
Wow, Babeek, you've got a lot of things to manage. When I am super stressed and overbooked, I have to just focus on one thing at a time. Just focus on the next thing. I also make lists and lists and lists. Love to cross things off my list once done. Helps me to manage. Hope you'll be able to take some time for you -- even if it is just a bubble bath at the end of the day. Light a candle and close your eyes.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Lancaster, NY
Posts: 90
Hi Babeekj, Would a new gratitude list help here? It worked for me. Remember?
You are going to make yourself sick worrying that you'll get sick! Trust in your HP and do what is necessary for today. Tomorrow's not here yet. I know how you feel....I was a lot like you describe. I still go there often but I have new "tools" now that help me stay in today. Somehow things always come together.
You are going to make yourself sick worrying that you'll get sick! Trust in your HP and do what is necessary for today. Tomorrow's not here yet. I know how you feel....I was a lot like you describe. I still go there often but I have new "tools" now that help me stay in today. Somehow things always come together.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Tyler, Texas
Posts: 1,028
I think I mainly need a give somewhere....I mean this is too much and I KNWO it's too much...but I don't see where I can cut something
By the way FaeryQueen I have 2 teen boys remember ...I know when they hit teens they turn evil LOL
By the way FaeryQueen I have 2 teen boys remember ...I know when they hit teens they turn evil LOL
Dreamlike...Now
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 707
Great Idea Jag...lol
I am grateful for my beautiful healthy girls
I am grateful for good jazz
I am grateful for miss scarlett (my kitten)
I am grateful for my wicked-cool friends at SR
I am grateful for my creativity
I am grateful for my beautiful healthy girls
I am grateful for good jazz
I am grateful for miss scarlett (my kitten)
I am grateful for my wicked-cool friends at SR
I am grateful for my creativity
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