Catherine W.

I don't know where to start other than to say I have been off alcohol for three weeks but the marijuana, I just have not been able to throw out. However, it is almost gone and I don't know where to get anymore and I want to try to stop that too. However, it is my worst addiction in a way because I have been self-medicating depression and negative thinking with it for a long time. I also am on meds as well and suffer from chronic pain. For a while I used to tell myself that pot helped my pain, but actually, it makes it worse and I know that. It is time for this to go but my brain is starting to do a number on me, "Do I really have a problem?" "Why is it a problem" "it's not like I sit around and smoke all day, just once a day or every other day." "Why do I want to quit again?"

I think I want to quit because like I said, it is making my physical pain feel worse. Other reasons are that I feel like it has me by the short hairs, I feel like it may be causing my psychiatric problems to be worse than they are on some level (thought I started smoking because my meds don't work and this does, but the come down is not too good).

I like to smoke pot because it gets me out of my doom and gloom thinking whereas if I try on my own using all the CBT techniques I have learned, I fail. I feel like it has become a friend though I wonder how much more productive, sane, and fulfilled I would be without it. I have been smoking (vaporizing for many years). I just turned 39 and there is nothing really all that great in my life anymore (some of this due to disabling pain), and I want to see if stop smoking will help me move forward. I stopped drinking because I saw that that was becoming a problem and it runs in my family.

Guess I am just wondering if anyone else has been in the same boat and can offer me some hope and encouragement for quitting. Like did you find out you were better off off weed than you thought you would be in the long run?

Thank,
Catherine

lulu70

(((((((((Catherine)))))))))) Welcome to SR! Glad you found us. My name is Laura and I am a recovering alkie/pothead with a precious 17 months clean and sober. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I also had a harder time giving up marijuana than alcohol. Pot is such a sneaky little drug. It lulls you in to thinking it isn't a problem when in reality it is causing more trauma than is immediately noticeable. For me, so much of my addiction was simply habit. I had been smoking for so long, it was difficult to imagine my life without it. However, I did manage to quit. And I am definitely much better off than I thought I would be. One of the major benefits has been the freedom! Now I know I don't need a mood-altering substance to get through my day. I don't have to worry about where I am going to get it, when I am going to smoke it, if I will get caught with it, or any of it.

Hang in there, hon'. Keep posting, too. Others will be along soon to welcome you.

Hugs--

Dan

Welcome, Catherine.

PlanoTexican

Greetings Catherine

I am 48 and had smoked pot since I was 11. On April 30, 2005 I quit smoking pot for good. It took a couple of months for me to start to feel better. Now I am so glad that I stopped.
Sleeping and eating were my big problems, along with depression. This has really started to fade in the last month or so. My wife and I both are glad we made the choice to get clean.
Good luck with your choice. We are here to support you.

hopealwayz

Hi Catherine, welcome to SR!

Scared2Bme

Hey girl look up my thread "just quit, need support" I can relate on all issues. I have asked a lot of the same questions you are asking. These folks here can help you in great ways, I've been clean from pot over a week now and I thought I was using it as an anti depressant, guess what? Since I quit I have laughed mor and been happier then I ever was when I was on a 10 year pot binge. Its a false reality, you will see this when you are clean.

"Do I really have a problem?" "Why is it a problem" I think you already know the answers to both these questions, you just have to face them!

Were here for you!
Scared

na4today

Welcome to SR. Kathy and I'm an addict. Smoked pot for about 25 yrs. Sat will be 30 days clean and it's the best choice I have made. I have some bad days but in the end it will be worth it.

tyler

Another former pothead here, heavy smoker for over 17 years. Quitting was the best thing I have done for myself in a long, long time. I only wish I had done it much sooner. I'm not going to go into all of the problems it caused in my life, let it just be said that it caused many more than it solved. You can do this if you really want to, but you have to want to do it. Take care.

Catherine W.

I really really appreciate the support. I have been needing so badly to hear from other pot-heads that things got better not worse when they quit. Pot *is* a sneaky drug. It is so acceptable even but not at the rate I have been usiing it. I dont' know if I mentioned this, but I have mental health issues and I am glad someone here mentioned their depression got better upon quitting.

Thanks so much. If you guys can do it, I can. I just have never known anyone who has quit! Now I do.

Also, did you find MA (Marijuana Anonymous) meetings to be helpful or do you find AA works just fine for this. I guess addictiion is addiction and there have to be lots of alcoholics like myself who also are pot-heads.

Thanks,
Catherine

Gooch

Hi Cathy.

Nuther chronic dope smoker here.

I've been going to NA since 88' and clean since teh beginnning of 91'

I still have some struggles with depresssion from time to time b

It does indeed get better.ut the longer I am clean the faster I cycle through those "funky' days.

doorknob

Double whammy here too! NA, LifeRing, and SMART are all non-substance specific. But any room full of people who can relate, share, and provide support is a plus. So is this website! Welcome Catherine.

Doorknob

nogard

Hi Cathy welcome to SR.

nogard

Scared2Bme

My girl and I are taking the quiting on our own(no NA) but I'd recomend NA if you need one on one support, you get a sponsor that you can contact any time your struggling. Luckily my girl and I have eachother to fall back on for encouragment but I still come here for support.

Good luck Catherine, keep us posted!
Adam

recoveringaddic

OH YEA! I HAVE BEEN IN THAT SITUATION FOR MANY YEARS I'VE BEEN FREE AND CLEAN FOR 2 YEARS NOW. I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD NEVER STOP SMOKING MARIJUANA. I USE TO MAKE EXCUSES LIKE IT'S A NATURAL DRUG. IT CAME FROM THE EARTH AND IT'S A CHEAP HIGH, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. I WAS WRONG. MARIJUANA AFFECTED MY LIFE WORST THAN ANY DRUG THAT I'VE EXPERIENCED. FOR A LONG TIME I WAS DEPRESSED, MISERABLE, AND FORGETFUL AND DIDN'T KNOW WHY, BUT THAT WAS THE REASON.

NOW THAT MY MIND IS FREE AND CLEAN AND I HAVE THE CAPACITY TO THINK STRAIGHT. IT'S THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD.PLEASE GET OUT OF IT NOW WHILE YOU'RE RECOVERING. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE WITHDRAWS BUT THAT IS NORMAL. ANYTHING THAT AFFECTS YOUR ABILITY TO THINK IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU. STOP NOW BELIEVE ME IT WILL PAY OFF IN THE LONG RUN.

requiredfield

I belong to AA cuz I'm an alcoholic and an addict. Most addicts have many addictions. Weed is apart of my story, along with shrooms, LSD, nitrous, pills, you name it; just not the hard stuff (coke, OC's, heroin, to keep my denial in check). Check out some AA meetings in your area and hit some online MA meetings, too. http://www.ma-online.org/schedule.html

Here is also the link for land MA meetings...
http://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/Pages/meetland.html



As for my story, I was never "that bad" on the outside. I graduated college with very good marks, held a job, paid my bills, and just smoked some pot, drank on weekends, and sometimes got into a little trouble. Yet, I was the most miserable, lonely, empty shell of a human being. Everyone knew it. I knew it. The day I finally decided to throw all my "ideas" aside, was the day my recovery began. It's only been a short time (4+ months) but I will tell you that I feel good. I feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm pleased with my deicsions. My mind doesn't race. I don't have to think about whether or not I'm an addict anymore. I've had more REAL joy in these past 4 months than I ever had in the last 16 years when my drinking and drugging began. So I'm like an enthusiatic 11 year old. Life is good...

Welcome
Anna

Catherine W.

Thanks again everyone. I made another step and threw out my home made vaporizer.
That will make what I have left last longer. Don't ask me why I just can't throw it out but I set a quit a date for this coming monday, August, 22. I know I will make that date. In using what little I have left, I think to myself, I don't even feel good. Why do I do this? I know it is the addcitiion to the maybe 15 mintues it does make me feel good. I am doing what Scared2beme suggested, set a quit date, smoke the hell out of what is left, remember how awful it really can be and let go. Sorry I can't do any better than that, but it is the best I can do now with my sick mind over this all.

I know then that the real fun will begin. But I have stayed off alcohol for nearly a month and this is next. I know I will do it but I will need more support for this than the alcohol. thanks for your support. I will be here a lot more sharing the same journey.

Thank you,
Catherine

Catherine W.

I mean to say that throwing that thing out will make what I have left last a lot less longer than it was. LOL.

1_day@_a_time

Catherine*, Takes lots of honesty and courage to come here and post, CONGRATS!

As a chronic pot smoker, and alcohol abuser for 25+ yrs, I can relate to your story. I smoked pot all day, everyday. I have dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life.

In May of 2001, I had come to the end of my drinking. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I got "sober" after going to an AA meeting. I attended only once a week, kept my Big Book in the trunk of my car. No sponsor, no step work.

I got back what I put into it. Not much. But no booze.

I continued not drinking for the next 14 months. Even took a cake at AA for being "sober" for 1 year.

In July of 2002, I was traveling with my son, and for the first time in I can't remember how long, I did not take my pot along with me on the plane.

I had worked one of the "best" marijuana maintenance programs there is, but my time was up. I knew it.

BUT, I was not sober all along. I thought it was OK to have a clean date and a sober date. (Amazing what denial and justification will do to ya'!)

I was finally working with a sponsor by now, and realized I was not sober at all. I was finally listening and taking direction for the first time in my life.

My life, while challenging, is SO much better today without any pot or alcohol.

I have learned (for the most part, lol) to cope with life on life's terms. Today, I have coping skills I never had before.

I have a long way to go (lol, ask some folks here) but I have grown in ways I never knew possible.

It's a MUCH better life. Clean and sober. Free from the shackles of pot. Who ever knew.........all the years I wasted away. I really don't miss it either.

Go for it Catherine. If this pot head can do it, so can you!

Suggest you get involved in MA and AA, I attend both. The support is great. Don't just come here and expect to grow. While this site is awesome, for me, it is only ONE tool in my toolbag.

The 12 steps will change your life, forever. It's NOT just about being sober, but living life sober, coping, and BEING HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE, SOBER!

Anybody can quit and white knuckle it. And probably be miserable.

Take Care, and keep coming back. Would LOVE to hear from you, I know we ALL would.

Tom

*PS MY "angel" was an old friend named Catherine. She got me to the rooms of AA. I'm forever grateful. I'm very partial to the name.

elizabeth1979

I usually post on the Friends and Family board, but couldnt pass this one up Catherine.

I used to smoke ALOT of pot. I smoked all day every day from the age of 18-21. I quit bc I made a deal with God, that if he would spare me some serious pain and suffering, I would quit. I have not smoked in 5 years. It took me honestly months to be able to sleep allright and it just jacked my whole psyche because I was not used to feelings, and well, being sober I guess. The mental and emotional side effects of long term marijuanna use do, in my opinion, go away after a while. It will take you some time before you feel on top of things. But, when you finally do, you will amaze yourself at how much clearer things are and how much more energy for life you have!

You can do it, life is so much better when you aren't high!

Catherine W.

Thanks, Tom. I am just having a hard time with 12-step stuff. My father has been AA for many many years and I have less and less to do with him every year. Sure, he is sober, but he never changed. Never made any direct amends to me either. So I have a chip on my shoulder.

i also got over a bad bad eating disorder on my own, not with the help of OA.

I have no cravings or white knucklings over alcohol. Pot might be a different story.

I do go to a meeting once a week and quite frankly the focus on alcohol all the time bothers me and the "daily reprieve" bit as if people are terrified they are going to slip after 20 years of sobriety.

I don't know if that is healthy. I don't think that would help me around pot either somehow.

I doubt I would be able to deal with a sponser either. I have other issues health wise that would probably prevent me from doing what they want and then there would be bad feelings. Not trying to project but I need a professional, not a sponser who knows nothing about my issues other than addiction.

I would like to check out dual recovery meetins for those with mental health issues and addiction issues. I could handle a sponser there, I think.

But I believe i can work the steps on my own. I have my own process and one of the things that gets me about 12-step stuff is that they say if you don't do it just right you are going to blow it and end up dead, in jail, or insane and I hated that kind of philosophy. It makes me cringe.

And I am not religious and I hate saying the Lord's Prayer after every meeting. I can't stand it.

However, I am still showing up at these things. I like to hear people speak fromt he heart. quitting my addictions is the easy part. It is the getting on with my life and learning to be an adult that is the hard part.

But I understand addiction talk is for the new comers too.

I hope I have not come off rude but I really struggle and always have with 12-step stuff. I think it has to do wtih my father and that I am not a joiner.

but I know it isn't a club and there are all kinds of people there.

I will try to keep an open mind. I am glad it worked for you. that is inspiring to me.

And if anhyone can help me figure out my issues with this, I thank you for trying. I know it will help to have a support group though it won't be because I need to stay sober, but more because I need a new way of life.

Catherine