Lizard

I'm coming up on my 1st Year anniversary in a month and I can't stop thinking about it. It's sort of driving me crazy. I keep forgetting to try and stay in today and focus on right now and I keep thinking about where and when I'm going to celebrate, what day of the week it will be, what I will say, who will be there.... Yesterday I shared my whole story for the first time in a meeting and today I stayed home from work and wanted to isolate, just like the good old days. I made it to a meeting tonight and realized how all over the place I feel. I suppose that I know what to DO: stop thinking so much, go to a meeting, talk to a person in the program, work on a step, ask God to help keep me centered. Everyone keeps telling me how magical this month will be, and how exciting it is to celebrate a year -- I'm excited too, but I easily forget that I'm only sober for today,that's all I have to work with. And I guess I need humility. My head gets really big and it starts to float away from reality, and I hate that feeling, and yet I like it too. I like everyone telling me how great I'm doing, and how much better I look and how it's so great to see me. But then I don't really like it, because I don't really know how to feel at all....

man oh man.

Liz

splendra

((((lizard)))))

None of us is perfect. Praise feels good but, if we feel that we don't really measure up to it we can feel shame too. I am sure you do look better and feel better. Stay grounded appericate where you have been and keep moving forward. What is it they say the first year is for you and the rest is for the newcommer? Yesterday is a cancled check and tommorrow is a promisary note and today is all we really have.....I do want to say congrats on your clean time it is something to feel good about.

hopealwayz

Congratulations on the upcoming year! It wasn't easy and you put a lot of hard work into accumulating this clean time, so you have every right to feel good about it. Our minds are very active: think, think, think. Sometimes, it helps just to talk about what we are thinking about to get it out and not leave those thoughts floating around in there.
You have a lot of excitement going on because this is a HUGE accomplishment. Don't let it overwhelm you, but enjoy every moment of this wonderful feeling!

Midas

Get yourself an 11-month chip. It softens the 1 Year impact. LoL.


That's what I did. I even bought my own 1-year chip two months ahead of time. Talk about getting ahead of one's self!! I sealed it up in an envelope and gave it to my sponsor for safe keeping.

I understand what you're feeling...Spread out all over the place! It's hard to stay focused sometimes. And, ONE YEAR sober is a major accomplishment.

Keep up the good work!

Do you get that wacky "If I get any more giddy than this, I'm going to explode" type of feeling? That's normal. It'll wear off.

Don't try to rationalize what you're feeling. Acknowledge it, identify it, and if it's good--hang on to it. If the feeling is bad--then throw it out.

CAPTAINZING2000

I hit a lot more meetings every year before I pick up a chip

Lizard

thanks for these wonderful words and advice -- I definitely get the giddy/exploding feeling. I'm going to work today on staying grounded in today and will definitely make it to a meeting.

Liz

lulu70

Hey Liz--Congrats on your continued sobriety! If it is any consolation, I felt the same way as my year approached. I was up and down and in and out and just felt a little dis-combobulated all the time. I have heard from others that this is completely normal. Just keep doing what you are doing. The fact that you recognize how you are feeling and why is good in and of itself. I would definitely suggest staying very close to your program for the next month. It definitely helped me.

Hang in there!

Hugs--

wantneeda

Hi Liz!!
I so know where you're coming from!! i celebrated my 1st birthday on june 9th. A very good friend of mine told me to be very careful for the month before and following this milestone. To me that means staying in the moment, i know its hard. The more i try to be in the moment the more i realize how much time i spend everywhere but!! Practice makes correction. So, sharing, more meetings, more prayer, more work. I believe gratitude and humility go hand in hand. The minute i start feeling comfortable, i figure thats when i need to learn something, keep growing. Action, action, action. Faith without works is dead.
I know what you mean about not knowing how you feel...i'm in the same boat most of the time. Feelings are still new to me and identifying them is baffling me most of the time. I try to stop, be still in the moment, plant both feet squarely on the ground. A clock 60 seconds in this moment usually gets me grounded.
Don't be too hard on yourself. One day at a time, keep on keeping on.
Congrats!!!
hugs & hugs Wendy

Chy

Yup, I've been there to! It's such a milestone, a reality, a new realization of this is a better way to live. Your right where your supposed to be as they say, your reflecting, soul searching, seeking solutions. Keep up the good work, and congrats!

QueenShenique

Hey Liz--thanks for sharing about a very real phenomena that a lot of us go through. I think of my disease as an entity--intelligent, vigilant and always laying in wait to get me when I'm not looking. There is something about "birthdays" that seem to activate the disease and it like whips into action--as if it's scared another one might actually get free. So, it's like--put another log on the fire--let's see if we can fire up the mental obsession and maybe get someone to slip. Thanks for reminding me that no matter how many years I have accumulated all I really have is today. Wishing you many more one day at a times! Blessed Be

Lizard

"i celebrated my 1st birthday on june 9th."

Congrats on your year, Wendy, that's awesome!

Liz

wantneeda

Thanks Liz!!!
How are you doing????
hugs & hugs, Wendy