lindee29

Today is my little girl's 9th birthday. I have not seen her in 3 years. I gave my girls up in my divorce, thanks to my addition. I didn't want them to grow up with that crap around them. Every year on thier birthdays I have a hard time. Last year was the hardest, because it was my first year. I'm not saying that I don'tthink of them through-out the year as well. It's just especially hard on thier birthdays. In the past I always went out and got as high as I possiably could. I just wanted to numb myself and not deal with it. But I look at it now, and realize that there is a better way to deal. Even today, I think to myself...one litttle line won't hurt...but then I re-evaluate it and realize that I will be throwing a years hard work out the window. I have to say that this place has done wonders for me. It's great to just get out what I need to say, even if no one responds...I still get out what I need to. Thank all of you for the advice that you have offered. Lindee

Dan

Today, my little boy is five years old.
I almost missed it.

Peace and prayers for you lindee.
(...)

In memory of miracle

Congradulations on your clean time.I know how you feel about your kids.Take comfort in the fact that you are doing the right thing today,for yourself and them.We cant change the past,but we sure can make today better by staying clean.Bless,Trish

CAPTAINZING2000

Do you have any visitation? I know how hard it is to not c your kids. I was 5 years not seein mine You know, you can turn it all around and have a relationship with your girl again.

I got clean and sober for my self. having my son back to living with me is a reward for doing right

Just don't lose hope.


Chris

wantneeda

Amen to Chris's words....i remember calling my youngest daughter on her birthday a couple years ago...i told her i loved her...she said...you can't say that. i said , what? she said..you can't say that, or you wouldn't be doing what you're doing...
hmmm..stung, right in the middle of my heart..one day at a time. Keep working at it Lindee, you're worth the fight!!!

tyler

Hi Lindee,

I know how you feel. My ex-wife has custody of my son for the same reasons. I have visitation any time I want, but I have moved out of the area and back in with my parrents to try to get straight. I've been clean 3 months, actually 3 months today!! My son is 4 and it's hard not to be able to see him grow up. I hope to move back to the area when I feel like I'm in a little more control of my life. Sometimes it's harder when you are straight because you can look at the mess you've made with a clear head and it really looks *ucked up! But at least I'm not continuing to make things worse. I agree that if you are clean for a year now, you might want to look into getting some kind of visitation. Your kids probably don't understand why you don't see them, they just know that Daddy doesn't come to see them. Maybe you've tried that route allready. Anyway, congrats on your clean time, if you stay clean there is always the possibility that you can rebuild some kind of relationship in the future. Keep strong on what I'm sure is a tough day.

Peace,

Tyler

tyler

Oops, actually only 2 months!! Seems like three!!! Guess that's why they hand out those key chains at NA meetings!!

Peace,

Tyler

dave

Lindee29.ALLRIGHT thats using your head i hope when i get that far in my recovery i can be as smart as you were.Who knows in time things may change and get better for you.So thank you for sharing..

lindee29

Thank you to all of you that replied! Hearing that other people are making the same mistakes helps me feel a little bit better. As far as the visitations...no, I do not get them right now. I am supose to have my girls whenever I want them...but to be honest, now I am a little scared. But I will see them soon...Again, thank you for all your support and advice, it means the world to me

mackat

lindee

mackat- addict here.
thru the insanity of my disease, i was unable to see my son for too many years.
after 3-4 years in recovery , my behavior was trustworthy because I was trustworthy.
On a new years eve, i was doing another moral inventory. Prayed to be a less selfish dad. left it at that.

6 months later my by now 12 yr old son and i are camping at a high mt lake in colorado. elk at the water's edge. campfire going.. stars wheeling overhead.
"dad, i'd like to come and live with you"
me: speechless, scared of what his mother might say, would i be going to court? etc etc.
my son: "and i talked to mom and she thinks it would be a good thing too"

he and lived together for almost 3 more years - glorious time! he decided to do a military school for a couple years. he's back at his mom's house and just recently asked to come live with me [age 18!!!OMG] and work with me this summer-

i'll not bore you w/ all the other cool ways he and i have been reconciled due entirely to recovery and having a sponsor in our lives who made sure to nurture each of us thru my recovery-
works if you work it [cause you're worth it]

hugs
mackat