Feelings from over the pond.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 4
Feelings from over the pond.....
Beware its a long one this....and I'm getting things off my chest....
Been on here before about 7 months ago when my alcoholic mother decided to drink again after around 10 years of relaive sobriety. Since then I have begun to feel better about it and generally accepted that she is having the occasional drinkl but has not been 'drunk'. I have found a book with the centre torn out of it to hide minature bottles of vodka in (like the scene in the Shawshank redemption with the rock hammer).
My feelings surprise friends who I have talked to about it but I'd love to hear other people thoughts on this....I know in my life that the only time I will feel at peace with the misery she has caused is when she dies. The normal reactions is 'you don't mean that' but I've had years to think about this and the sooner she is out of my life permantly the better, then the churning gut feeling and tears and worry will be over. I don't feel guilty saying that, in fact I think i'm owed the right to have such feelings.
I'm a 27 year old professional who still lives at home with my mum and dad. I'm tired of feeling like a child and I hate the fact I get so upset. Even a slurred word by her sets me off and I tend to retire somewhere quiet and feel throughly miserable. I feel my whole life has been poisoned by her and that of my dad's (who is simply fantastic) and my brother's (who is not in the least bit emotional). On Thursdays my dad is at a meeting so I tend to stay away just so I don't have to be in the house, I thought when I was younger those feelings would go as I grew up.
I am moving out in the next 6 months so that will grant me some peace but that is another area where I feel her behaviour has effected me. (Just to briefly summise 'her behaviour' she drank very heavily for about 20 years, became anorexic, nearly died several times and now has diabetes). I really have some issue with moving in with a girlfriend. I don't have problems with being with someone, I've had two long-term relationships and I'm happy with everything except I can't bring myself to move in with someone even though I have been totally in love. I feel this is because I don't want to ever be let down like my mum let all her family down. I think it has all made me want to be by myself a lot of the time. I like my friends and I feel comfortable knowing they are there but long term I dont know where this will lead. I'm currently in a relationship in which I know I should be thinking off this but I know I will never bring myself to making such a step.
I know there is no secret to these problems. I feel I'm reacting in the right way....that is to say perhaps I'm meant to be on my own as its the only way I think I'll be happy and safe from hurt. I can not simply throw trust in someone as it feels like it would never feel right. Its like I'm always looking for the door, on holiday I want to be back somewhere i feel safe, when i'm with someone (even my girlfriend) for a longer then a day I crave my bedroom and the calm it brings me.
If nothing else that was theraputic. I tend to live by touching base with friends and loved ones and feel happy to know they are there and then be on my own. I'm far from the gragerios child I once was. I think I was meant to be someone else but the sole thing thats destroyed who I was meant to be is my mum and drink. Makes me very sad indeed.
Take care all.
Leky
England.
Been on here before about 7 months ago when my alcoholic mother decided to drink again after around 10 years of relaive sobriety. Since then I have begun to feel better about it and generally accepted that she is having the occasional drinkl but has not been 'drunk'. I have found a book with the centre torn out of it to hide minature bottles of vodka in (like the scene in the Shawshank redemption with the rock hammer).
My feelings surprise friends who I have talked to about it but I'd love to hear other people thoughts on this....I know in my life that the only time I will feel at peace with the misery she has caused is when she dies. The normal reactions is 'you don't mean that' but I've had years to think about this and the sooner she is out of my life permantly the better, then the churning gut feeling and tears and worry will be over. I don't feel guilty saying that, in fact I think i'm owed the right to have such feelings.
I'm a 27 year old professional who still lives at home with my mum and dad. I'm tired of feeling like a child and I hate the fact I get so upset. Even a slurred word by her sets me off and I tend to retire somewhere quiet and feel throughly miserable. I feel my whole life has been poisoned by her and that of my dad's (who is simply fantastic) and my brother's (who is not in the least bit emotional). On Thursdays my dad is at a meeting so I tend to stay away just so I don't have to be in the house, I thought when I was younger those feelings would go as I grew up.
I am moving out in the next 6 months so that will grant me some peace but that is another area where I feel her behaviour has effected me. (Just to briefly summise 'her behaviour' she drank very heavily for about 20 years, became anorexic, nearly died several times and now has diabetes). I really have some issue with moving in with a girlfriend. I don't have problems with being with someone, I've had two long-term relationships and I'm happy with everything except I can't bring myself to move in with someone even though I have been totally in love. I feel this is because I don't want to ever be let down like my mum let all her family down. I think it has all made me want to be by myself a lot of the time. I like my friends and I feel comfortable knowing they are there but long term I dont know where this will lead. I'm currently in a relationship in which I know I should be thinking off this but I know I will never bring myself to making such a step.
I know there is no secret to these problems. I feel I'm reacting in the right way....that is to say perhaps I'm meant to be on my own as its the only way I think I'll be happy and safe from hurt. I can not simply throw trust in someone as it feels like it would never feel right. Its like I'm always looking for the door, on holiday I want to be back somewhere i feel safe, when i'm with someone (even my girlfriend) for a longer then a day I crave my bedroom and the calm it brings me.
If nothing else that was theraputic. I tend to live by touching base with friends and loved ones and feel happy to know they are there and then be on my own. I'm far from the gragerios child I once was. I think I was meant to be someone else but the sole thing thats destroyed who I was meant to be is my mum and drink. Makes me very sad indeed.
Take care all.
Leky
England.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Your feelings are true to what they are. Reaction to the actions of others.
None of us like seeing others in pain or doing harm to themselves.
When the day comes that she leaves this earth, your reactions to such things hasn't changed, only one of the people you allow to bring such reactions out in you. I still don't like seeing others do the same but I have started to learn how to detach from their actions. Al Anon meetings would give you the support and info to help you understand more and grow in this area. We don't need deal with such things alone. I can't change others but I can change how I react to others. I can bring peace to my own life that way.
None of us like seeing others in pain or doing harm to themselves.
When the day comes that she leaves this earth, your reactions to such things hasn't changed, only one of the people you allow to bring such reactions out in you. I still don't like seeing others do the same but I have started to learn how to detach from their actions. Al Anon meetings would give you the support and info to help you understand more and grow in this area. We don't need deal with such things alone. I can't change others but I can change how I react to others. I can bring peace to my own life that way.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Hi LEKY
This side of the pond too! As an alcoholic, I have to strongly urge you to go to NA meetings - you don't need to carry around these feelings - there is such a great support network - for alcoholics (AA) and those affected so badly by alcoholics (AL-ANON) Please try and look up a meeting 0 you will probaby find that your feelings are totally common with the people you meet - but more importantly you will find a way forward, so that YOU can blossom in your life free from resentment.Also look up the family and friends of alcoholics section on this website. Good luck!
Love
Cathy31
x
This side of the pond too! As an alcoholic, I have to strongly urge you to go to NA meetings - you don't need to carry around these feelings - there is such a great support network - for alcoholics (AA) and those affected so badly by alcoholics (AL-ANON) Please try and look up a meeting 0 you will probaby find that your feelings are totally common with the people you meet - but more importantly you will find a way forward, so that YOU can blossom in your life free from resentment.Also look up the family and friends of alcoholics section on this website. Good luck!
Love
Cathy31
x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Cuyahoga Falls
Posts: 9
(AL-ANON) is the way to go you need to know that is not you and the reaction is O.k
i know you are not a teen but al a teen for the kids of parants that drank is ok to.
Hope your days ahead will be full of sun and not rain God bless
i know you are not a teen but al a teen for the kids of parants that drank is ok to.
Hope your days ahead will be full of sun and not rain God bless
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