Nevyn

I know why I need to stop using. I understand all the logic, all the reasoning. Problem is I have no desire to quit. I have no place to start without the desire. I am up to my neck in this quagmire, but it is comfortable here and cold outside. I want to want to be OK. But I do not know how to get myself to the point of just wanting to be OK. There is no motivation.

Time2Surrender

With no desire to quit,nothing will change.You must either know you have a problem or have some desire to quit.Otherwise you wouldnt be here.All I can say is addiction is a progressive disease and will only get worse.You will have to come to a point where you are done and have hit your bottom.Then you can surrender and begin your road to recovery.

wingsfree

Hi Nevyn, welcome to SoberRecovery....you know what it will get cold inside also the longer you continue. Pssst guess what, none of us wanted to stop our addiction, it comes to a point where you have no choice, it's just not LIVING, and eventually there's a high price to pay with the consequences of this insanity.

You say there is no motivation, well you found the gang here if you really need to be motivated. I think you want help, why else would you have posted here?

I agree with you Time2Surrender, well said.

Love and understanding......Denise

Nevyn

I lost my son. You would think that would be enough.

Evanna

Hey Nevyn,
Welcome to the forum.

I heard a lot of pain in your opening post. It is my belief that very few active addicts want to be living this way. But it is hard to see anything different for ourselves when our lives have been full of pain for a long time. Sometimes when we cant find our own hope we have to borrow a little from others.

Stick around the forum and if you haven't done so already get yourself to your local NA meetings. Life can be so much better.

Warmest wishes
Evanna.

Val-light

Hello Nevyn,
Welcome to this wonderful family. Do you feel like speaking about your son for a little while instead of your addiction? Because we are willing to listen and offer support.
Val

BubbaBob

Some people want to quit. Often they succeed.

Some people don't want to quit, they just want their drinking/drugging to quit fu*king with their life. It won't happen.

Life is a series of choices. This is the hardest one you'll ever face.

BubbaBob

Chy

Your here Nevyn, that say's a lot already!
Keep coming back, maybe we'll rub off!
*hugs*

Nevyn

I think you got it BubbaBob. I like it too much to live with the notion of never ever using again. That is the big stumbling block for me.

BubbaBob

Nevyn, there is one part I didn't mention, and it sucks.

If you are a user or social drinker, you can rock on like that and never make the decision not to use or drink again and have a fair life, I guess.

If you are addicted though, to ANY drug, including alcohol, your choices become pretty limited. Quit, or die if you don't get sick of being sick soon enough. You still have choices, but they are limited to those two as an addict/alcoholic.

Does using/drinking add enough to your life to make it worth dying for?

BubbaBob

jlo34

Nevyn,
I think the question you need to ask yourself is "are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?". Everyone reaches their own bottoms. Until they hit that bottom they won't stay sober/clean. Some don't lose anything, some lose everything, and there's a whole bunch in between. What's it going to take for you?

You mentioned you couldn't see never ever using again...well, I don't know about anyone else, but I just have this 24 hours. There are no guarantees I'm waking up in the morning. It's a hard concept to grasp, but it's critical. When I got sober the first time I was 16, I too couldn't think of living the rest of my life without ever drinking again. Never was too long - that and not being thoroughly convinced I was an alcoholic, I went back out several times...a year later, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I didn't think I was going to live to see 18. I knew that for me, if I didn't get sober I was going to be dead. I didn't get arrested (yet) though I should have. I didn't get fired (yet) though I should have. I didn't get kicked out of school though I should have. I didn't lose my family (yet) though they should have walked away. I did lose a lot of friends. I did lose me - that was my biggest loss.

Just remember, one day at a time...that's all we ultimately have. I ask my Higher Power to help me stay sober for the day and then I thank my Higher Power at night for helping me stay sober. In between there, I hit 1-3 AA meetings (usually), talk with my sponsor(s), talk with my sponsee(s), and live a good life.

I'll say an extra prayer for you tonight.
Love,
Jen

Nevyn

I want to be that guy again. I enjoyed life.

Sadly... yes. For right now.

Thank you all for your responses. You have given me alot to think about.

blitz

No motivation, no recovery and you will getting closer to hit the bottom. Believe me, you don't want that.
You may want to change a few habits of your klfe now, than your life alltogether later.

Lilalkie

I knew I was an alcoholic a year ago, and it took me a year of progressively getting worse and worse until I finally surrendered. I had to come to a point where I couldn't live with alcohol and I couldn't live without it. I was very very sick. I lost my job, my health, my reputation, and nearly lost my marriage. I did nothing all day but sleep, and drank all night. For six months straight, I was just existing. I couldn't live like that anymore. I will pray that you come to a point of surrender soon, before you lose even more. I would hate to see that happen.

Nevyn

My wife is gone. She left this morning. I want to care, but I am numb. I want to fix this but not enough to take the right steps.

luvdav

I know exactly what ur saying. I came here because my bf is an alcoholic in recovery but I also am a user of something else. I really didn't think it was a problem because I work I take care of my daughter, I have things I want and sometimes, not often I'm happy with life. I didn't even consider myself an "ADDICT" til I started reading some of these posts. I too have no motivation or desire to quit. I function, I can afford it, and nobody knows but me. Been like this for over 2 yrs now. My focus is to see my BF get better because he was non functional with his addiction. Maybe some day something will "click" and I will stop. And maybe my fairy tale will end not so happily ever after. Anyway I hope something "clicks" for you and you get better.

blitz

No motivation because of what? Bear this in mind: you'll probably hit the bottom before you "click" and if hopefully your boyfriend has recovered by then, everything will start over again. If not, think of your daughter, at least. You know you're an addict. A "click" could be just around the corner.

Please, give as much thought to this as you gave to your boyfriend.

Good luck and Love-Pedro.

Time2Surrender

Just keep coming back and posting.Hopefully when your ready you will take the right stepd and do what it takes to recover.In the mean time we will still be here to give you support.

BubbaBob

Responsibility declaration of AA:

"I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. For that I am responsible."

AA, NA, CA, or anyother program has people that live this simple declaration, but note it gives you, the one still using, ONE responsibility "...When anyone, anywhere, REACHES OUT FOR HELP..."

Ya gotta WANT help before anything will help.

BubbaBob

In memory of miracle

I am so sorry for your pain . Maybe you can find a therapist to talk to.It would be a start.In the begining of my recovery,alls I could make were baby steps.Before that I did nothing,and just became more depressed .Try climbing out of that hole alittle at a time a day at a time.I am pulling for you . Bless, Trish