An expat's story - need help from home
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Germany
Posts: 3
An expat's story - need help from home
Brand new here. I've lurked a bit first, though. So, my poison is alcohol. I was a social drinker, never had a problem with setting limits until about 2 years ago. After my daughter was born, my stress level went through the roof and about a year ago I gradually worked my way up to drinking daily. Totally relieved my stress and actually made me a much more laid-back mother. I was never incapaciated during the day, but by the time it was bedtime, I pretty much passed out, waking at 3am and not being able to get back to sleep.
So, about 7 months ago hubby, toddler and I moved to Germany and the drinking really escalated. Hubby (not military) works super long hours, I have yet to make friends and I don't speak German. I'm pretty much isolated except for going to the video store and grocery store (for food and drink - they don't really have liquor stores here). So, about 6 weeks ago I decided enough was enough when I realized that I was consuming more than a pint of vodka a day and sleeping like crap. My right side REALLY started hurting, so I said enough and quit cold turkey. Had 1 shaky day, some anxiety through day 2, then was pretty much fine. By night 3 I was slepping like a baby again.
Fast forward to now. German Christmas markets are not the same without a few mugs of Gluewein (spiced wine). I managed for a few weeks to keep it social, them with the holidays, alone and depressed, I spent a couple of weeks drinking more, but not nearly what I was before. My side started hurting again. I thought I'd go to the doctor and I found the number for AA over here. Guess what... can't find a doctor that speaks English well enough and they don't have an English-speaking AA meeting within a hundred miles.
So, I'm trying to get back on the wagon alone again. Of course, my hubby is being a wonderful source of support and I keep looking at my daughter and using her as a source of inspiration to quit.
I've read others' stories and keep reminding myself that my drinking problem is REALLY young compared to others and I don't want to get to the point of serious withdrawl, craving and detox. So, I 'm coming here for support, since I can't seem to find any other support here in Deutschland. I'm 48 hours since the last drink of wine and it looks like I'm getting off easy with physical withdrawal. No shaking, not much anxiety, but I've yelled at my daughter today as I've been uptight some. My side is still hurting and I have a bit of a headache. I slept well last night and probably will tonight, too. I also today had a couple of hours when my face was flushed like when I was drinking which I found to be really weird and wondered if it was a symptom of withdrawal. My appetite is good and I've been drinking lots of water. But the side pain still worries me.
I'm 34, btw, and I didn't really even socially drink until I was about 27 years old. I drank a few beers in college, but not excessive. Didn't drink at all for until I was 27 because I was a competitive athlete and then for a few years it was only a couple a few times a week when out with friends. I also didn't drink a drop for about 2 years in there when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. So, my problem isn't long-lived (drinking too much for about a year and daily for several months), but I still need some support. I'm hoping to find some here. You all seem like a wonderful community of support, so I'm sure I'll get it. Thanks for letting me get out my long-winded story.
Nin
So, about 7 months ago hubby, toddler and I moved to Germany and the drinking really escalated. Hubby (not military) works super long hours, I have yet to make friends and I don't speak German. I'm pretty much isolated except for going to the video store and grocery store (for food and drink - they don't really have liquor stores here). So, about 6 weeks ago I decided enough was enough when I realized that I was consuming more than a pint of vodka a day and sleeping like crap. My right side REALLY started hurting, so I said enough and quit cold turkey. Had 1 shaky day, some anxiety through day 2, then was pretty much fine. By night 3 I was slepping like a baby again.
Fast forward to now. German Christmas markets are not the same without a few mugs of Gluewein (spiced wine). I managed for a few weeks to keep it social, them with the holidays, alone and depressed, I spent a couple of weeks drinking more, but not nearly what I was before. My side started hurting again. I thought I'd go to the doctor and I found the number for AA over here. Guess what... can't find a doctor that speaks English well enough and they don't have an English-speaking AA meeting within a hundred miles.
So, I'm trying to get back on the wagon alone again. Of course, my hubby is being a wonderful source of support and I keep looking at my daughter and using her as a source of inspiration to quit.
I've read others' stories and keep reminding myself that my drinking problem is REALLY young compared to others and I don't want to get to the point of serious withdrawl, craving and detox. So, I 'm coming here for support, since I can't seem to find any other support here in Deutschland. I'm 48 hours since the last drink of wine and it looks like I'm getting off easy with physical withdrawal. No shaking, not much anxiety, but I've yelled at my daughter today as I've been uptight some. My side is still hurting and I have a bit of a headache. I slept well last night and probably will tonight, too. I also today had a couple of hours when my face was flushed like when I was drinking which I found to be really weird and wondered if it was a symptom of withdrawal. My appetite is good and I've been drinking lots of water. But the side pain still worries me.
I'm 34, btw, and I didn't really even socially drink until I was about 27 years old. I drank a few beers in college, but not excessive. Didn't drink at all for until I was 27 because I was a competitive athlete and then for a few years it was only a couple a few times a week when out with friends. I also didn't drink a drop for about 2 years in there when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. So, my problem isn't long-lived (drinking too much for about a year and daily for several months), but I still need some support. I'm hoping to find some here. You all seem like a wonderful community of support, so I'm sure I'll get it. Thanks for letting me get out my long-winded story.
Nin
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Hi Nin, and welcome to SoberRecovery!
And thank you for sharing your story. You just plugged in to a support circle without equal on the web, in my opinion.
In the closing lines of your post, you say your problem isn't long-lived. That's a bonus I guess. Those of us that get to recovery early, or those that take precious chunks of lifetimes to do so; I see no real distinction.
Our lives are unmanageable because of alcohol abuse.
That's our common denominator. And the more things we recognize in eachother as commonalities, the stronger we are individually.
Glad you're here Nin.
And thank you for sharing your story. You just plugged in to a support circle without equal on the web, in my opinion.
In the closing lines of your post, you say your problem isn't long-lived. That's a bonus I guess. Those of us that get to recovery early, or those that take precious chunks of lifetimes to do so; I see no real distinction.
Our lives are unmanageable because of alcohol abuse.
That's our common denominator. And the more things we recognize in eachother as commonalities, the stronger we are individually.
Glad you're here Nin.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
((((((((Nin))))))))))
I have a few online friends from Germany. Let me contact them and see if we can get you in touch. One moved to the States quite a few years back so maybe she can also help.
Hang in there your in the right place. Feel free to PM me anytime you want. Gut abend! Ich bin mude.
3 Legacy
I have a few online friends from Germany. Let me contact them and see if we can get you in touch. One moved to the States quite a few years back so maybe she can also help.
Hang in there your in the right place. Feel free to PM me anytime you want. Gut abend! Ich bin mude.
3 Legacy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Good Ole' Rocky Top!
Posts: 3,540
(((((((((Nin))))))))))))
Welcome so very much to SR! Thank you for sharing you story. I am Ang, I am 38 and very much an alcoholic, althought I am also a wife, mother of two and work full time. I understand where you are coming from. Your story sounds very much like mine. I really think that you need to find a doctor that you can communicate with and see about the pain in your side.
Sounds like your husband is supportive. That is good. But you really need to see a doc and to find some form of support, AA or otherwise.
I am SO GLAD that you are here. We are all here for you.
Keep posting and let your feelings out. It is the best thing for you.
Much love and big hugs,
Ang
Welcome so very much to SR! Thank you for sharing you story. I am Ang, I am 38 and very much an alcoholic, althought I am also a wife, mother of two and work full time. I understand where you are coming from. Your story sounds very much like mine. I really think that you need to find a doctor that you can communicate with and see about the pain in your side.
Sounds like your husband is supportive. That is good. But you really need to see a doc and to find some form of support, AA or otherwise.
I am SO GLAD that you are here. We are all here for you.
Keep posting and let your feelings out. It is the best thing for you.
Much love and big hugs,
Ang
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Nin,
I'm glad you found us and this is a great place for support and encouragement. I didn't begin drinking until my mid-forties but I think I became an alcoholic within a matter of weeks. It went on for three years before I could stop for good. I hope you hang around and get to know us.
Anna
I'm glad you found us and this is a great place for support and encouragement. I didn't begin drinking until my mid-forties but I think I became an alcoholic within a matter of weeks. It went on for three years before I could stop for good. I hope you hang around and get to know us.
Anna
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Germany
Posts: 3
Thanks
Thanks all for the warm welcome. Guess I didn't sleep through the night like I thought I would. It's 4 in the morning here and after kiddo woke me up I couldn't go back to sleep. I'm tired though.
Dan and Anna - I think you made a good point that it doesn't matter if it's 10 days or 10 years or more. I feel like I fell into alcoholism within weeks too, Anna. It's like it just spiraled out of control and I was helpless to realize that I let go of that control, maybe never had it in the first place. I remember in high school seeing my friends drink and get drunk and thought I'd never do that. Here I am, 15 years later and alcoholic and they're probably fine. You know, I never did "drugs" (not that alcohol is not a drug, I mean illegal drugs), and as I look back on it, I never really had the opportunity and I'm glad of that. I think I simply have an addictive personality. It really is a disease. It's hard to think of it that way, but it makes so much sense. I guess I'm rambling here. I'm really tired and just need to get some thoughts out, I guess.
If it hadn't been for my beautiful daughter and the thoughts that I might never see her grown up, I probably wouldn't have had the epiphany that I really am an alcoholic and had to do something about it. I know this is going to be a long rough road that will last my lifetime and it scares me.
BTW legacy -my husband contacted AA already for me and the closest english meeting is Munich - @ 4 hours away. That's why I'm so glad I've found you guys here. It means a lot to me to find this kind of support. Thanks again! I'm going to try to get back to sleep now.
Dan and Anna - I think you made a good point that it doesn't matter if it's 10 days or 10 years or more. I feel like I fell into alcoholism within weeks too, Anna. It's like it just spiraled out of control and I was helpless to realize that I let go of that control, maybe never had it in the first place. I remember in high school seeing my friends drink and get drunk and thought I'd never do that. Here I am, 15 years later and alcoholic and they're probably fine. You know, I never did "drugs" (not that alcohol is not a drug, I mean illegal drugs), and as I look back on it, I never really had the opportunity and I'm glad of that. I think I simply have an addictive personality. It really is a disease. It's hard to think of it that way, but it makes so much sense. I guess I'm rambling here. I'm really tired and just need to get some thoughts out, I guess.
If it hadn't been for my beautiful daughter and the thoughts that I might never see her grown up, I probably wouldn't have had the epiphany that I really am an alcoholic and had to do something about it. I know this is going to be a long rough road that will last my lifetime and it scares me.
BTW legacy -my husband contacted AA already for me and the closest english meeting is Munich - @ 4 hours away. That's why I'm so glad I've found you guys here. It means a lot to me to find this kind of support. Thanks again! I'm going to try to get back to sleep now.
knucklehead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: earth
Posts: 694
nin, I am glad you have found SR. I am glad I found my way too. These people have been a great help for me. I have found Living 1 day at a time is very empowering. The road is long, hopefully not too rough. The only thing to be afraid of is fear itself. I am glad you have arrived and I will look foward to read you as you become free from the bondage of addiction. Stick around it is more good then bad. Hope you get some sleep. I am going to be turning in soon myself. Goodnight sweet dreams.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi and welcome nin!
Boy I started my drinking career in Germany, and I was just thinking about that gluwein over the holidays, funny you mention it. You'll find a lot of support here, I know Munich well, and if I had the resources I'd drop everything in a heartbeat to get ya to that meeting! PM me your location, I bet we could find a closer meeting. *hugs* and glad your here.
Boy I started my drinking career in Germany, and I was just thinking about that gluwein over the holidays, funny you mention it. You'll find a lot of support here, I know Munich well, and if I had the resources I'd drop everything in a heartbeat to get ya to that meeting! PM me your location, I bet we could find a closer meeting. *hugs* and glad your here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Hi Nin,welcome to Soberrecovery.This is the best place on the internet as far as I have seen.Plenty of support around here.I know how things are in Germany.My mother lives there.I have been there 23 times and spent my share of time over there.Only difference for me is I speak fluent German.I know how it can be over there though.Go to the video store and go directly to The English section.Not always much to choose from.No shortage of Mr. Bean movies though,and stuff thats allready been on TV.The stores are different there,everything closes early,etc.I am really glad you found us here at SR.Keep coming back and posting.Do this one day at a time.And also I recommend sending the PM to Chy.If anyone can find closer meetings I bet she would be the one to do it.Hang in there and keep coming back.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: London
Posts: 889
Hi Nin
JC here - alcoholic. Glad you're here and look forward to sharing with you.
Check out the online (all in English - phew !) meetings here at SR. Click here
much love
JC
JC here - alcoholic. Glad you're here and look forward to sharing with you.
Check out the online (all in English - phew !) meetings here at SR. Click here
much love
JC
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Hi Nin
Welcome! It was great to hear your story thank you - and well done for doing so well on your own. Outside of the drinking - you will get a lot of support here on SR - can you look into any German classes as a start? I think it might help with the isolation and also eventually you can attend german AA meetings? I know you have a baby but there might be a kind of baby sitting thing you can do for an hour a couple of days a week...I can imagine the last thing you want to do when overwhelmed with new place, this addiction, husband working long hours is to learn a new language...but I think it would be a great benefit to you. I lived abroad myself for a while and learning the local language opened so many doors and helped with the loneliness. It just might help with the drinking triggers too...send on Chy your location though I am sure she can find the inside info on a nearer AA meeting!
Good luck and keep us posted!!
Oh, and join us this evening at 6pm - right JC?
Love
Cathy31
Welcome! It was great to hear your story thank you - and well done for doing so well on your own. Outside of the drinking - you will get a lot of support here on SR - can you look into any German classes as a start? I think it might help with the isolation and also eventually you can attend german AA meetings? I know you have a baby but there might be a kind of baby sitting thing you can do for an hour a couple of days a week...I can imagine the last thing you want to do when overwhelmed with new place, this addiction, husband working long hours is to learn a new language...but I think it would be a great benefit to you. I lived abroad myself for a while and learning the local language opened so many doors and helped with the loneliness. It just might help with the drinking triggers too...send on Chy your location though I am sure she can find the inside info on a nearer AA meeting!
Good luck and keep us posted!!
Oh, and join us this evening at 6pm - right JC?
Love
Cathy31
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
Great Nin
My friends speak both German and English and I know not the geography well enough to tell you how close they are to you. But if you wish their email addresses, feel free to PM me. Good luck on your journey and many blessings.
3 Legacy
My friends speak both German and English and I know not the geography well enough to tell you how close they are to you. But if you wish their email addresses, feel free to PM me. Good luck on your journey and many blessings.
3 Legacy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: midwest
Posts: 148
Hi Nin, I can only imagine the isolation you must feel. When my children were toddlers we moved to southern illinois from Chicago and I almost lost my mind. I think that is when my problem first started. You are nipping it almost in the bud though, and my hat is off to you. I am also glad that you didn't suffer too much while quitting. I am actually putting my quit off till the weekend so husband can keep on eye on me. Isn't it wonderful that there is an internet and you can make lots of cyber friends? Imagine what the phone bill would be if you had to keep calling home for support. Welcome, looking forward to hearing about your progress.
Hugs, Marilyn
By the way, I've experienced that flushing thing too. Woke up flushed this morning and didn't drink too much yesterday. I'm thinking a food allergy or something like that. Are you prone to rosacea?
Hugs, Marilyn
By the way, I've experienced that flushing thing too. Woke up flushed this morning and didn't drink too much yesterday. I'm thinking a food allergy or something like that. Are you prone to rosacea?
Last edited by Mandybabes; 01-06-2005 at 10:37 AM. Reason: forgot something
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Germany
Posts: 3
update
Just thought I'd post a little update. I've been reading a lot but haven't said how it's going for me. Had hubby call AA again and there really are no English meetings close by. I have absolutely nobody to babysit anyway, and with hubby (scientist) at the lab until late in the evening, it wouldn't be possible anyway, I guess. So, I've been checking out the Rational Recovery website and it really hit home with me. I've always been a person to accept responsibility for my actions so empowering me with the idea of self-choice made a lot of sense for me. As I mentioned before, I stopped almost before I really got going, but I realized I was out of control and I know that this is going to be a lifelong struggle. But, I haven't had a drink for 5 days and haven't really had any cravings. It's available if I want it. The flat we are renting is a furnished flat owned by a man who likes his whiskey. We can't throw his bottles away, so even with booze in the flat, it hasn't really been a temptation to me. I'm sure it will happen eventually. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for that day when I feel like, "Oh, one drink would be okay" or my daughter pushes me to the breaking point. I'm still taking it one day at a time, trying to stay busy and reminding myself that I am doing this to live a long healthy life with my beautiful daughter and wonderful husband.
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