SnoozyQ

Hi Newbies.

i would encourage all of you who have made a resolution to give up alcohol to continue n your path. We only get one chance at this life.

I have been a drinker for many years and it has taken away everything I had dear to me ( My Children)

I have 4 and NONE of them want me in their life. They were little kids when I started drinking & I would read excerpts from magazines stating that kids don't remember anything before the ages of 7.

So my alcoholic mind thought, oh I have 3 years before she is 7, I'll stop then . I was about 34 then.


well fast forward to almost another 30;years and I'm only 1 year sober ..

Yes,l've had many years in between of sobriety and I loved it until…..that one glass.

1 glass for me is too many and 100 glasses are not enough.

If you are a mother like me or a Dad (I'm 62 in a couple of weeks) please heed this warning and STOP NOW !!!!

YOUR CHILDREN WILL NEVER FORGIVE AND NEVER FORGET.


I want to spare you the pain of lonely Christmas days. Even surrounded by my extended family, part of me is missing and feels like it's died.

All my siblings children are there laughing and reminiscing about their younger days with my kids & mine aren't there.

It feels like your insides are being pulled out. The utter heartbreak that goes with this is unbearable.

Im trying not to make this a boohoo post about me and my feelings, but the truth is, I don't want ANYONE of you to feel like I do.

You MUST stop now. You need to put your kids as number one and not your drink.

i will NEVER drink again even though it would be so easy to. I no longer have hangovers or any disgusting, revolting vomiting

diaorhhea, nausea cramps, spins, shakes, dry retching, unquenched thirst for water or the endless next days in bed of no use to anyone.

Believe me, your kids will remember however young they are. They know when Mums different.

i have reached out to my four children and apologised profusely, sent letters taking full responsibility for my actions. I've offered to go to counselling.

NONE of them want a bar of it.


So if you can't give up on your own you MUST see your doctor ( as it's dangerous to detox at home )

PLEASE, PLEASE START TODAY.

ALCOHOLISM IS A PROGRESSIVE DISEASE AND IT DOES NOT GET BETTER, ONLY WORSE.

Start today, it's the BEST gift you can give to each of your children and your partner Alcohol is a LIAR.

Dont listen to it.

This is NOT the life I envisaged. I come from a large family and I always imagined myself surrounded by my kids, grandchildren (! don't see) and with laughter and love.

I have SO MUCH LOVE to give but it's too late for me.

please, give yourself the gift of sobriety, I promise you, you won't regret it nor live with regrets.

Much love, Wendy
Mum of 4
45, 32, 31, 26

Nanna of 4
13, 10, ? And ?

xx

Dee74

I’m sorry for your pain Wendy and I wish I could say something to help take it away.
I know you as a gentle loving giving and thoroughly good person - it’s my wish that your kids will one day see that too, Snooz,

They are missing out too,

D

Steely

Your post will reach many, Snooz. You are thinking not only of your own kids, but others kids as well. I hope they listen.

I hope your children will one day re-enter your life Snooz. And if not, know that you have done everything possible to make it so. I don't go to AA, but it speaks of this in the Amends.

Forgive yourself Snooz. And as Dee said, your kids miss out too. Resentment is not something worth carrying.

Edit: Congratulation on 1 full year Snooz.. It won't go unnoticed in your children's eyes. It's the real amends.

Anna

Snoozy, I am so very sorry for your situation with your children and grandchildren. I truly hope that they reach a point in their lives where they rethink their choices, a time when they want to reconnect and for their children to know their grandmother. I truly feel your pain.

venuscat

I love you, Wendy. s ❤️

MagnumCat

I hear you SnoozyQ

My only child will be 26 in a few days. He still lives at home and will probably be moving out on his own sometime this year. That means, he's seen and heard it all. I have made him and my husband so many promises that I have not kept. I don't know why, but they are both giving me this one last chance and I won't let them down. I'm only on day 4, but what you wrote will stick with me and it's something that I will come back and read again so I will remember why I'm doing this and why it's so important.

Thank you for sharing your story and words of warning. I pray your children will have a change of heart! Congratulations on one year.

MCAL880

SnoozyQ,

I am speechless, this is exactly, exactly what I needed to read. I have recently stumbled and fallen off the wagon once again and every single thing you wrote spoke right to me. As the mom of two young tweens, I am becoming ever more aware of my children’s awareness and have grown even more resolute to see this sobriety journey through. I am only closing in on day 2, but what you wrote spoke more volumes to me than just about anything I’ve read so far on here, and I’ve been lurking on this forum for a long long while. Years.

Ive struggled through these last two days with so many of the symptoms you’ve written and have decided that a hot bowl of ramen and a cup of herbal tea would replace my usual alcohol consumption this evening. This is my first evening truly getting to enjoy food after the maddening two day hangover that essentially forced me to abstain. But just as my memories of this hellish 48 hours subsided I started to feel that AV pull. So I hopped on here as I was making my soup and yours was the very first post my eyes were drawn to.

I cannot thank you enough for this sobering reminder of everything that’s truly at stake. What you wrote brought tears to my eyes.

Sending you so many hugs, comfort and warmth. I truly hope your children do eventually come around. You are in my thoughts this evening. Thank you for giving me the strength to get through this night sober.

DeplorableDog

Hello SnoozyQ, Try not to be so hard on yourself. Your alcoholism may not be the only reason. I was a heavy drinker in my young age and quit before my wife and I ever had a child. My three daughters have never seen me, their dad drink. And it wasn't like I drank behind their back and hoped they didn't know. I literally quit for over twenty five years. It wasn't until about three years ago after they were grown and moved out before I took a drink. I thought I could have a drink after that much time but I quickly spiraled back into a bottle a day before I quit six months ago. My wife and I spend Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. My three daughters have moved on and are married. I found out afterwards two out of three feel like their mother was abusive. They say their mother did not keep a clean house and they wont allow their children to stay here. They spend holidays with their other side of the family. I don't let it bother me because I am more of we all live our own life. It is tearing my wife to pieces that she doesn't get to know her grandchildren.

Orchid1

You do not know how hard this hit me, I suppose you will never truly know how grateful I am that you chose today to post it. I am truly truly sorry for your situation.

Thank you Wendy, again you just don't know how important it was for me to read it. Thank you and I hope you get to see and be with you children and grandchildren someday soon.

KneePads

This gave me a lump in my throat I am so genuinely grateful to you for sharing this. I have two kids. My son is an adult, my daughter younger. They have both seen me in ways I wish they hadn’t and I always hate myself that they probably felt that they couldn’t rely on me as a Mum fully I am almost 2 months sober now and your post has really hit me that I will do everything I can to be the Mum they deserve and need. I am sending you the biggest hug and I hope one day your children will forgive you and re enter your life. I wish I could do something to help, it would rip my heart out if my kids wouldn’t see me Keep trying and never give up xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ayers

Very powerful post - thank you - I can relate.
Wishing the best for you and my heart goes out to you.

SnoozyQ

Thanks so much for your lovely replies, if this can help one person to stop drinking, it’s worth baring the soul.

If any of you are struggling and wish to stay on track, feel free to message me & I will help you out as much as I can,

You are doing wonderfully even if it’s a couple of days , that’s all you need to keep going to the next day.

Once you get to 5 days you know you can keep going, then a week and so on . I’m right behind you xxx hugs

Doggie DG. My heart absolutely aches your wife. She is suffering in a way only a mother can feel & a grandmother. You are like my husband, he has the just get on with it attitude to. I’m not saying that’s wrong, we all handle it differently and that’s ok.

But you really need to sit down with your lovely wife and let her know you are listening. Really listening, undivided attention listening .

This is like a death to us mothers but they are still alive. That’s how bad it feels.

There is a wonderful FB page called abandoned mothers from daughters. I’ll message you and send you the link.
This has helped me immensely as there are so many of us.

It’s an epidemic. All over the world, it’s called “ go no contact “ . Especially my generation.

Give your Beautiful wife a big hug for me and tell her I totally understand . Wishing you well doggie xxx 🐶

Pondlady

Snoozy, Thank you for this heartfelt post . I believe you when you say not seeing your children and grandchildren feels like a death. I pray your family relationships are healed in time.

Zencat

Thank you Wendy for sharing your trama. I am childless for various reasons, some beyond my control. I hurt when children are hurt. As a child I was hurt by my mum. Sometimes there is only one option is to go forward, some relationships will never be the same.

courage2

SnoozyQ, thank you . It's so good to know I'm not alone. My son's daughter is almost 1 and I've never seen her. I hope to, and I'm trying to heal the rift, but can't say whether it will happen. I drank, I didn't think it made any difference between him and me, and now he doesn't see me.

You've opened the door for lots of those of us in similar situations to join you in telling the newbies -- quit drinking now! You will never regret it.

Jeni26

Your story is heartbreaking Snoozy, I feel so very sad for you.

Missing out on my children’s important years through not being fully present is by far my biggest regret in life. I could fool myself that they didn’t notice, but of course they did. I can see the effects on how their adult relationships play out now.

The biggest gift we can give all those around us is healing ourselves and staying sober. I have managed to change my life through therapy and working on myself to heal from my own childhood trauma. I could only do this when I had sustained sobriety so I made that my biggest focus on life and did whatever it took.

Now with almost 8 years of sobriety, my relationship with them as adults is strong again. I have become the person they can rely on. The one they always deserved.

Never give up hope Snooze. Stay strong and focused and that way you stay free from shame. For me, it was shame that kept me locked into my alcoholism.

sending love 💕

SnoozyQ

Jen !!!! It’s so lovely to see you. I remember us doing this together in the beginning and I’m SO thrilled you have made your way to a great life with your kids. i remember our struggles back then so well. I agree with you about the shame. Im trying hard to let that go.
It’s friends like you Jen who are supportive and keep me going on the right path.
Well done sweetheart xxx