this can be the answer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2023
Posts: 40
this can be the answer
Not a whole lot to say right now, just that it is the end of Day 1, and my plan today was just to not drink today, and I did accomplish that.
I am so fed up with drinking. I have been trying for years to stop because I see and feel the damage it is doing to me. And, I am just so tired of it all. I feel so much better and enjoy life so much more on the days I manage to not drink. I want that feeling and life all the time, that is the life that I want. Everyday drinking with a day or two here and there off from it, is not the way I want to do it anymore with my life.
I drink for every reason under the sun and moon, I am really good at creating reasons to drink also. What I am planning to do is post here why I am planning to drink and I really need someone to tell me not to and why it would be stupid for me to drink. I guess I just am asking and needing someone to care and to talk me down when I am losing it.
The person I live with encourages me to drink even when I am trying not to, more so that he won’t feel so bad for doing it himself.
I guess I did have a lot to say right now. I just want someone to care about me and push me to do this and to tell me not to give up. I can handle tough, strong talk, and shake me up a little to knock some sense into me. Sadly I do not have any friends right now, drinking has been my friend/enemy. I did reach out the other day to a girlfriend from many, many years ago to maybe go have coffee with or just a sit down or walk and she was so pleased and we will get together next week.
thiscanbetheanswer
I am so fed up with drinking. I have been trying for years to stop because I see and feel the damage it is doing to me. And, I am just so tired of it all. I feel so much better and enjoy life so much more on the days I manage to not drink. I want that feeling and life all the time, that is the life that I want. Everyday drinking with a day or two here and there off from it, is not the way I want to do it anymore with my life.
I drink for every reason under the sun and moon, I am really good at creating reasons to drink also. What I am planning to do is post here why I am planning to drink and I really need someone to tell me not to and why it would be stupid for me to drink. I guess I just am asking and needing someone to care and to talk me down when I am losing it.
The person I live with encourages me to drink even when I am trying not to, more so that he won’t feel so bad for doing it himself.
I guess I did have a lot to say right now. I just want someone to care about me and push me to do this and to tell me not to give up. I can handle tough, strong talk, and shake me up a little to knock some sense into me. Sadly I do not have any friends right now, drinking has been my friend/enemy. I did reach out the other day to a girlfriend from many, many years ago to maybe go have coffee with or just a sit down or walk and she was so pleased and we will get together next week.
thiscanbetheanswer
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,609
Welcome to SR canbetheanswer 
The community here certainly helped me with support and encouragement and a different point of view from those around me who wanted me to stay drinking for various reasons.
D
The community here certainly helped me with support and encouragement and a different point of view from those around me who wanted me to stay drinking for various reasons.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 12,642
Canbetheanswer, 
I was the master for finding reasons/excuses to drink and the only one I was fooling was myself..It did absolutely nothing for me..only took things away. I am sorry you don't have the support at home, that has to make it even more difficult. What worked for me was coming here often, reading, and posting. The people here are wonderful and have so much to offer...great insight, honsty, support, friendship..The list could go on. I wish you the very best.
I was the master for finding reasons/excuses to drink and the only one I was fooling was myself..It did absolutely nothing for me..only took things away. I am sorry you don't have the support at home, that has to make it even more difficult. What worked for me was coming here often, reading, and posting. The people here are wonderful and have so much to offer...great insight, honsty, support, friendship..The list could go on. I wish you the very best.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,989
The person I live with encourages me to drink even when I am trying not to, more so that he won’t feel so bad for doing it himself.
Now, your quote above is an issue. To be honest, I don’t think I’d have been able to quit with such sabotage going on. You need to be firm that you’re serious about this. It’s veering off topic, but what sort of person encourages another to keep drinking?
I hope you keep posting here and well done again 🙂
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 601
I don’t respond well initially to tough talk. Sometimes it’s helpful after thinking about it. But I do talk tough to myself, like “what the hell is wrong with you” so I get what the OP is saying.
Oops! Meant to edit.
Oops! Meant to edit.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,840
Sobriety was my answer, it just took me a while to know that and accept it.
You came to a good place for support and info. I came here 15 yrs ago, a mess. Drinking every day, drinking in the morning, all the usual bad behaviors that drinking brings out in us when we're in its grip.
And it took me almost 2 yrs after I joined to finally get sober for good and forever. I give most of the credit to the members and admin here. They are so supportive and helpful.
From my 30s to my 50s I was sober. But then I started drinking "a glass" of wine before my teenage girls got home from school, so I wouldn't. be tense and engage them in any arguments. So I ruined 20 yrs of sobriety, but I'm making up for that now, sort of, cause on December 8th this year I'll have 14 yrs sober.
I don't know if I'd still be here, sober, if it weren't for the support and friendship I found here. I was always encouraged. I was feeling more secure here, cause the members here were either addicts themselves, or friends/family of addicts and how it affected their lives.
Read around the forum, ask questions if you have any. And we also have two help forums, for reporting problems, or asking how to do something. There's Troubleshooting and also Technical Support. If you ask a question, someone may have the answer.
Welcome to the family!
You came to a good place for support and info. I came here 15 yrs ago, a mess. Drinking every day, drinking in the morning, all the usual bad behaviors that drinking brings out in us when we're in its grip.
And it took me almost 2 yrs after I joined to finally get sober for good and forever. I give most of the credit to the members and admin here. They are so supportive and helpful.From my 30s to my 50s I was sober. But then I started drinking "a glass" of wine before my teenage girls got home from school, so I wouldn't. be tense and engage them in any arguments. So I ruined 20 yrs of sobriety, but I'm making up for that now, sort of, cause on December 8th this year I'll have 14 yrs sober.
I don't know if I'd still be here, sober, if it weren't for the support and friendship I found here. I was always encouraged. I was feeling more secure here, cause the members here were either addicts themselves, or friends/family of addicts and how it affected their lives.
Read around the forum, ask questions if you have any. And we also have two help forums, for reporting problems, or asking how to do something. There's Troubleshooting and also Technical Support. If you ask a question, someone may have the answer.
Welcome to the family!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,191
Everyone of us started our sober journey right where you are now. The beginning is fraught with a desire to quit and an inability to quit. In all honesty, I wouldn't call wanting to have a drink stupid. If you are dependent on alcohol, it's what happens, even when you know it's not the answer you are looking for. It's addiction's hold on you. It's the way alcoholism works.
If you stick with abstinence for a few days, maybe a week or two, your desire will get worse as your addiction starts it's temper tantrum, but then is gradually stops haunting you, and that obsession will become just thoughts without the nagging desire. Those thoughts will be manageable, however. Now at that point was when I would start calling myself stupid, but I would be laughing at myself at the same time. In fact, "stupid idiot" was what I would say to myself while I would be experiencing such silly thoughts that I didn't want. But they were just there, and getting weaker by the month.
The biggest problem you will have to face may well be your partner's desire to keep you drinking. You are going to have to plan on how you are going to deal with that. It's bad enough that you will be having those nagging thoughts on your own without someone egging you on, but if you want to quit you can't accommodate his need, not even for one drink. You have my sympathy on that one. But others here have stopped under those circumstances. My hat's off to them. I was on my own when I quit, and that was bad enough.
As Hodd just said, a sober life beats active alcoholism, hands down. You have much to look forward to, not necessarily a rose garden, because we still live in reality, not a rose garden, but sobriety alone was enough of a reward to keep me at it, and years later I'm in a garden, although it's mostly wildflowers, and a few ticks, but it's not the hopeless depression of alcoholism.
If you stick with abstinence for a few days, maybe a week or two, your desire will get worse as your addiction starts it's temper tantrum, but then is gradually stops haunting you, and that obsession will become just thoughts without the nagging desire. Those thoughts will be manageable, however. Now at that point was when I would start calling myself stupid, but I would be laughing at myself at the same time. In fact, "stupid idiot" was what I would say to myself while I would be experiencing such silly thoughts that I didn't want. But they were just there, and getting weaker by the month.
The biggest problem you will have to face may well be your partner's desire to keep you drinking. You are going to have to plan on how you are going to deal with that. It's bad enough that you will be having those nagging thoughts on your own without someone egging you on, but if you want to quit you can't accommodate his need, not even for one drink. You have my sympathy on that one. But others here have stopped under those circumstances. My hat's off to them. I was on my own when I quit, and that was bad enough.
As Hodd just said, a sober life beats active alcoholism, hands down. You have much to look forward to, not necessarily a rose garden, because we still live in reality, not a rose garden, but sobriety alone was enough of a reward to keep me at it, and years later I'm in a garden, although it's mostly wildflowers, and a few ticks, but it's not the hopeless depression of alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,184
SR Was the answer for me.
These folks Do Care about you and I.
Feel the need to drink? Do what you just did and start a thread. Read others stories, eat some chocolate, ice cream was my got to as well. Take a walk, yell at a cloud.
ANYTHING except take a drink.
Having no support at home, even worse someone egging you on to drink, does make it a bit more difficult but plenty of us have made it past that. You can too.
Read up on AV, Addictive Voice.
My addiction was very similar to yours as I drank every day for any reason. What helped me was realizing there is NO Good reason to poison ourselves. It was all just my addiction lying to me.
You've seen life sober, even if only a day or 2 here and there, and you like it.
Make it permanent.
There is only one way to do that,
Do Not Drink No Matter What
Listen to your heart. Not your partner, not your AV.
I hope you stick around. We will be here.
These folks Do Care about you and I.
Feel the need to drink? Do what you just did and start a thread. Read others stories, eat some chocolate, ice cream was my got to as well. Take a walk, yell at a cloud.
ANYTHING except take a drink.
Having no support at home, even worse someone egging you on to drink, does make it a bit more difficult but plenty of us have made it past that. You can too.
Read up on AV, Addictive Voice.
My addiction was very similar to yours as I drank every day for any reason. What helped me was realizing there is NO Good reason to poison ourselves. It was all just my addiction lying to me.
You've seen life sober, even if only a day or 2 here and there, and you like it.
Make it permanent.
There is only one way to do that,
Do Not Drink No Matter What
Listen to your heart. Not your partner, not your AV.
I hope you stick around. We will be here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 750
I think you will be blown away by how much we have in common. Sure we all have different patterns of use, functioning, non functioning, kinda in between. Maybe drug use.
Bottom line, a physical allergy to alcohol combined with a mental obsession to drink it. Its like a temporary insanity from time to time. Wanting to consume a chemical that we know is going to harm us. I can not drink just 1 or 2 or 3 etc. I can not control how much I will drink or how I will behave. Maybe sometimes I can predict about what I will drink and mostly behave. But I can't just have 2 and stop, a reaction happens in me once I touch it and I have to have more. Me wanting a drink is like someone with a shellfish allergy needing a shrimp cocktail. Its insanity, it doesn't make any sense.
I think of recovery support, online (like here) or IRL (like AA) as like a school of little fish. Thousands pack together for safety when dolphins or sharks come around. The fish that are the closest to center of the pack are the safest. The predators tend to feast on the edges of the pack.
We need each other because to some extent we understand each other. We understand our condition and the "normal people" society that we have to function in. We need hear this message of recovery often. Society bombards us with messages that its ok drink and this can not be the only voice in our ear or its trouble.
From your post I strongly suspect you are one of us. Stick with us, we know the way through this.
Bottom line, a physical allergy to alcohol combined with a mental obsession to drink it. Its like a temporary insanity from time to time. Wanting to consume a chemical that we know is going to harm us. I can not drink just 1 or 2 or 3 etc. I can not control how much I will drink or how I will behave. Maybe sometimes I can predict about what I will drink and mostly behave. But I can't just have 2 and stop, a reaction happens in me once I touch it and I have to have more. Me wanting a drink is like someone with a shellfish allergy needing a shrimp cocktail. Its insanity, it doesn't make any sense.
I think of recovery support, online (like here) or IRL (like AA) as like a school of little fish. Thousands pack together for safety when dolphins or sharks come around. The fish that are the closest to center of the pack are the safest. The predators tend to feast on the edges of the pack.
We need each other because to some extent we understand each other. We understand our condition and the "normal people" society that we have to function in. We need hear this message of recovery often. Society bombards us with messages that its ok drink and this can not be the only voice in our ear or its trouble.
From your post I strongly suspect you are one of us. Stick with us, we know the way through this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,666
Originally Posted by canbetheanswer 
Not a whole lot to say right now, just that it is the end of Day 1, and my plan today was just to not drink today, and I did accomplish that.
I am so fed up with drinking. I have been trying for years to stop because I see and feel the damage it is doing to me. And, I am just so tired of it all. I feel so much better and enjoy life so much more on the days I manage to not drink. I want that feeling and life all the time, that is the life that I want. Everyday drinking with a day or two here and there off from it, is not the way I want to do it anymore with my life.
I drink for every reason under the sun and moon, I am really good at creating reasons to drink also. What I am planning to do is post here why I am planning to drink and I really need someone to tell me not to and why it would be stupid for me to drink. I guess I just am asking and needing someone to care and to talk me down when I am losing it.
The person I live with encourages me to drink even when I am trying not to, more so that he won’t feel so bad for doing it himself.
I guess I did have a lot to say right now. I just want someone to care about me and push me to do this and to tell me not to give up. I can handle tough, strong talk, and shake me up a little to knock some sense into me. Sadly I do not have any friends right now, drinking has been my friend/enemy. I did reach out the other day to a girlfriend from many, many years ago to maybe go have coffee with or just a sit down or walk and she was so pleased and we will get together next week.
thiscanbetheanswer
I am so fed up with drinking. I have been trying for years to stop because I see and feel the damage it is doing to me. And, I am just so tired of it all. I feel so much better and enjoy life so much more on the days I manage to not drink. I want that feeling and life all the time, that is the life that I want. Everyday drinking with a day or two here and there off from it, is not the way I want to do it anymore with my life.
I drink for every reason under the sun and moon, I am really good at creating reasons to drink also. What I am planning to do is post here why I am planning to drink and I really need someone to tell me not to and why it would be stupid for me to drink. I guess I just am asking and needing someone to care and to talk me down when I am losing it.
The person I live with encourages me to drink even when I am trying not to, more so that he won’t feel so bad for doing it himself.
I guess I did have a lot to say right now. I just want someone to care about me and push me to do this and to tell me not to give up. I can handle tough, strong talk, and shake me up a little to knock some sense into me. Sadly I do not have any friends right now, drinking has been my friend/enemy. I did reach out the other day to a girlfriend from many, many years ago to maybe go have coffee with or just a sit down or walk and she was so pleased and we will get together next week.
thiscanbetheanswer
this really really CAN be the answer!!
way to go on;
Day 1 of sobriety!
acknowledgment of your predicament!
your honesty with yourself!
admitting it to yourself and others!
Turning outward for help!!
look at how much progress you’ve already made!!
welcome aboard!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2023
Posts: 40
Dee, brighterday, TWTOM, Alpine, Hodd, Tailai, least, DryGuy, fishkiller, RecklessDrunk, FreeOwl.
Thank you so much for your welcomes and support and helpful advice. I was really looking forward to logging on today, I feel energized to really put all my effort in to this and making this work, I’ll probably end up posting too much, I just want to participate so much right now, it’s motivating for me.
There are definitely some control issues going on here with my life, both with people and definitely the alcohol controls me. I am still trying to figure all this out. I need to learn coping mechanisms, I am not good at this, and that has to stop, that is why I am here now, to learn how to figure this all out and it got in to my dreaming last night.
I do remember I was having a dream just before I woke up that I was at a resort, casino type, drinking, eating, music area and I was with someone. Words came out, not sure who said them, but they were, “why don’t we go in for a while and have a few drinks before we leave?” Then it seemed to transition over to I was talking to the booze or the AV or this “dream like image”. It was like this image wasn’t strong, it was more sad and actually pouting, and I was trying to comfort it. I don't really know if it was the addiction in my brain lying to me and playing a sad, pouting game trying to get to my "forgiving emotions", or if it was me wanting to drink and I am not ready yet, or someone in my life was there suggesting it. I don't usually have drinking dreams but this one last night was interesting.
I am starting to think too much today, I need to slow myself down, because I know where this spinning will end up. Like what was mentioned above by you all. Any reason to drink. Anxiety setting in, it’s hot, weekend, I feel great, oh hey, I’ll find a reason.
I am glad to be here, everyone here knows how this feels. That is why this is so hard to do on my own, no one knows this side of the struggle like a community of people working to stop. Go to a bar, and it’s have a drink, who cares, have another one!
I am running on overload right now, my insides are just buzzing! Detoxing is just great! Need a drink to calm down. NO I won’t, but that is what my mind is telling me. Cold ones in the refrigerator, this is going to take some real focus. Going to stay very close here today. I was so calm when I started typing this, and so quickly the level went up. I am going to fight this and hold on. Tried to go back and proof this, but that is not going to happen with this post. So it's just my post for now. Staying close, holding on. Already done 2 loads laundry, dishes, watering!
Thank you so much for your welcomes and support and helpful advice. I was really looking forward to logging on today, I feel energized to really put all my effort in to this and making this work, I’ll probably end up posting too much, I just want to participate so much right now, it’s motivating for me.
There are definitely some control issues going on here with my life, both with people and definitely the alcohol controls me. I am still trying to figure all this out. I need to learn coping mechanisms, I am not good at this, and that has to stop, that is why I am here now, to learn how to figure this all out and it got in to my dreaming last night.
I do remember I was having a dream just before I woke up that I was at a resort, casino type, drinking, eating, music area and I was with someone. Words came out, not sure who said them, but they were, “why don’t we go in for a while and have a few drinks before we leave?” Then it seemed to transition over to I was talking to the booze or the AV or this “dream like image”. It was like this image wasn’t strong, it was more sad and actually pouting, and I was trying to comfort it. I don't really know if it was the addiction in my brain lying to me and playing a sad, pouting game trying to get to my "forgiving emotions", or if it was me wanting to drink and I am not ready yet, or someone in my life was there suggesting it. I don't usually have drinking dreams but this one last night was interesting.
I am starting to think too much today, I need to slow myself down, because I know where this spinning will end up. Like what was mentioned above by you all. Any reason to drink. Anxiety setting in, it’s hot, weekend, I feel great, oh hey, I’ll find a reason.
I am glad to be here, everyone here knows how this feels. That is why this is so hard to do on my own, no one knows this side of the struggle like a community of people working to stop. Go to a bar, and it’s have a drink, who cares, have another one!
I am running on overload right now, my insides are just buzzing! Detoxing is just great! Need a drink to calm down. NO I won’t, but that is what my mind is telling me. Cold ones in the refrigerator, this is going to take some real focus. Going to stay very close here today. I was so calm when I started typing this, and so quickly the level went up. I am going to fight this and hold on. Tried to go back and proof this, but that is not going to happen with this post. So it's just my post for now. Staying close, holding on. Already done 2 loads laundry, dishes, watering!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2023
Posts: 213
Welcome canbe.
Im a newbie too and the same as you I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and giving up and then caving
so im sober since May, its not been smooth sailing and after a crappy day work or life I have to avoid the food market as I know there is a high chance I will go the liquor aisle.
Apart from that, waking up sober in the mornings, being able to actually function and plan things is great. I feel healthier but it takes work.
Someone told me all I need to do is not pick up the first drink, so thats what I repeat each day, along with the serenity prayer.
You can do this. B x
Im a newbie too and the same as you I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and giving up and then caving
so im sober since May, its not been smooth sailing and after a crappy day work or life I have to avoid the food market as I know there is a high chance I will go the liquor aisle.
Apart from that, waking up sober in the mornings, being able to actually function and plan things is great. I feel healthier but it takes work.
Someone told me all I need to do is not pick up the first drink, so thats what I repeat each day, along with the serenity prayer.
You can do this. B x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,184
Post as you need.
Post BEFORE you take a drink.
I remember those first few days. I don't ever want to go back there.
Good news is you don't ever have to either.
Just don't drink today.
No Matter What
It WILL get better
Post BEFORE you take a drink.
I remember those first few days. I don't ever want to go back there.
Good news is you don't ever have to either.
Just don't drink today.
No Matter What
It WILL get better
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 601
One saying I repeated to myself so many times during this intense “white knuckling it” period was “you don’t wake up wishing you drank last night”. If nothing else, when you go to bed at night, you can feel good about another sober day.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,989
Those beers in the fridge are a problem, CanBe. A lot of us here won’t have alcohol in the house, even after years of sobriety, as the temptation will be there.
I (and DriGuy above) quit alone, but other SR members have quit successfully whilst living with genuine moderate drinkers. You need to have it out with that drinker you’re living with.
I (and DriGuy above) quit alone, but other SR members have quit successfully whilst living with genuine moderate drinkers. You need to have it out with that drinker you’re living with.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,649
Welcome from me too, canbetheanswer. It's so wonderful to have you with us.
When I found SR 16 yrs. ago I wasn't really planning on never drinking again. I knew I was in trouble, but couldn't imagine my life without alcohol. The more I read here & talked things over, the more I realized the only way to stay out of danger was to stop all together. There would never be any managing or controlling my drinking - being a social drinker was not an option for me. There was great advice given here - from those who truly understood what I was going through. The fact that I was no longer alone meant everything! No one else in my life could offer me the understanding & compassion I found here. It was such a huge relief to have people to relate to. I hope you'll feel the same - we care about you & want to help. You can do it, there is no doubt.
It's so wonderful to have you with us.When I found SR 16 yrs. ago I wasn't really planning on never drinking again. I knew I was in trouble, but couldn't imagine my life without alcohol. The more I read here & talked things over, the more I realized the only way to stay out of danger was to stop all together. There would never be any managing or controlling my drinking - being a social drinker was not an option for me. There was great advice given here - from those who truly understood what I was going through. The fact that I was no longer alone meant everything! No one else in my life could offer me the understanding & compassion I found here. It was such a huge relief to have people to relate to. I hope you'll feel the same - we care about you & want to help. You can do it, there is no doubt.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 14,099
Welcome to SR CBTA.
Feel free to join in any conversation or thread here. Read, post, and, participate as you need.
Glad to have you here
Feel free to join in any conversation or thread here. Read, post, and, participate as you need.
Glad to have you here
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