Dee, brighterday, TWTOM, Alpine, Hodd, Tailai, least, DryGuy, fishkiller, RecklessDrunk, FreeOwl.
Thank you so much for your welcomes and support and helpful advice. I was really looking forward to logging on today, I feel energized to really put all my effort in to this and making this work, I’ll probably end up posting too much, I just want to participate so much right now, it’s motivating for me.
There are definitely some control issues going on here with my life, both with people and definitely the alcohol controls me. I am still trying to figure all this out. I need to learn coping mechanisms, I am not good at this, and that has to stop, that is why I am here now, to learn how to figure this all out and it got in to my dreaming last night.
I do remember I was having a dream just before I woke up that I was at a resort, casino type, drinking, eating, music area and I was with someone. Words came out, not sure who said them, but they were, “why don’t we go in for a while and have a few drinks before we leave?” Then it seemed to transition over to I was talking to the booze or the AV or this “dream like image”. It was like this image wasn’t strong, it was more sad and actually pouting, and I was trying to comfort it. I don't really know if it was the addiction in my brain lying to me and playing a sad, pouting game trying to get to my "forgiving emotions", or if it was me wanting to drink and I am not ready yet, or someone in my life was there suggesting it. I don't usually have drinking dreams but this one last night was interesting.
I am starting to think too much today, I need to slow myself down, because I know where this spinning will end up. Like what was mentioned above by you all. Any reason to drink. Anxiety setting in, it’s hot, weekend, I feel great, oh hey, I’ll find a reason.
I am glad to be here, everyone here knows how this feels. That is why this is so hard to do on my own, no one knows this side of the struggle like a community of people working to stop. Go to a bar, and it’s have a drink, who cares, have another one!
I am running on overload right now, my insides are just buzzing! Detoxing is just great! Need a drink to calm down. NO I won’t, but that is what my mind is telling me. Cold ones in the refrigerator, this is going to take some real focus. Going to stay very close here today. I was so calm when I started typing this, and so quickly the level went up. I am going to fight this and hold on. Tried to go back and proof this, but that is not going to happen with this post. So it's just my post for now. Staying close, holding on. Already done 2 loads laundry, dishes, watering!