Cj99

I feel very ashamed of how I have acted when drinking. The shame feels so bad because my behaviour is so out of character for me and makes me feel such deep shame that I only want to drink again to not feel it. Does anyone else ever have this and how do you cope with the shame of what you have done when you were drinking?

Introvrtd1

Just the shame alone is bad enough.

Steely

I think just about everyone here would have felt the deep shame over their behaviour whilst drinking Cj99. Unless of course they are a sociopath. Lol

I've felt it deeply as well, and still occasionally have memories that make me squirm. 😩 Operative word; occasionally.

The only remedy I have found is to not drink alcohol. To begin being the person I know myself to be, and for pride in self to grow.

And it does.

It's a miracle!

Steely

I hope you're doing ok Introvrtd.

Zencat

I had to forgive myself for being so caught up in addiction that I hurt others and myself. To let go of the hurt I caused others gives me the emotional room to grow is sobriety. Staying sober is my idea of repentance.

ToughChoices

For me, the 12 Steps of AA are a path out/up/beyond shame. They require owning the wrong you have done, admitting your failings to others/God, earnestly apologizing to individuals you have harmed, and being willing to make amends for that wrongdoing.

When the Steps are taken, there is no room left for shame.

We ALL fail. Few are willing to admit failure. Even fewer are willing to make it right.

If you are one of the few willing to act with courage and vulnerability, peace will replace shame. Humility will replace pride.

Edit to add: I don’t think EVERYONE needs AA or 12 Steps, but I think openness to the process may surprise you. They are a shockingly efficient means of progress out of self-hatred.

Dee74

I think the best way to deal with shame is not contribute to the shame anymore - stay sober, and do things that help you feel good about yourself.

That was then - this now kinda deal?

D

VikingGF

I had to deal with the shame also, but the more time I had sober, the more obvious it became that going forward and doing the next right thing made me feel better- and eventually that shame faded. There may be a twinge here and there, but now I realize that everything that happened helped me get to this place where I am now, and I have to be OK with that.

Drinking more just compounds the negative feelings- of this I am 100% sure.

Red78

I'm sure we have all dealt with the shame, for me the worst is knowing something happened the night before but having no recollection of it, this bought deep shame to me over and over again.
The only way to stop this cycle is to stop drinking.

RecklessDrunk

Sometimes the shame, the regret, the failure gets so overwhelming there is just no where else to go. Maybe just kill myself, but what was this life all about. Is this how it ends, really?


I was to a point of why not just start trying to understand what controls this universe and just take the consequences. Good or bad I will just do my best and accept the outcome. Why I am getting so upset about these things? Not just the shame but the worry about the consequences of my recent actions. So I accept the consequences, whatever they may be and I move on the best I can. Afraid I am going to lose things. Afraid of what people will think. I was tired of being ashamed and afraid. The temporary bandaid of alcohol was no longer enough. Because it leads to another drunk. Even more often then not a dud, going on another drunk is still a time bomb. It can and will go off and lead to more shame.

Once I got a good concept of God down and just turned it over to him the sense of relief was much greater then alcohol.

Kind of like in the Bible when Jesus talks about how the birds just fly place to place and don't worry about how God is going to provide for them. We are right where God wants us to be.

Anna

Yes, Cj, I felt that way too. The hardest part of recovery for me was dealing with the shame and guilt when I was sober. But, you have to step back from the shame or it will quickly drag you into the drinking game again. Start forgiving yourself. It might take many tries to feel the forgiveness, but you can do it.

Farrier

I agree with all of the above. I was not interested in 12 step work at all. 1 year and 1 day later, I'm a believer that it works. I'm not a perfect 12 stepper but I gave it a shot and I'm getting my life back......without shame

brighterday1234

Stay sober and get recovering 🙏

fishkiller

This works for me

fishkiller

Yep