What DON'T you think about anymore?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 615
Standing shaking at 8am in the local shop (earliest they could legally sell it) buying drink as everyone bought their morning papers or water or juice to take to work.
Being in the queue of the 24/7 garage at 5 or 6am buying drink as people filled up their cars for the day. This option was there when I couldn't make it until 8am
I haven't been sober long, a matter of days. But as I did this daily during benders , I don't miss it already
No drink, no matter how much, ever lasted until the morning with me.
The shame was incredible🙈
Being in the queue of the 24/7 garage at 5 or 6am buying drink as people filled up their cars for the day. This option was there when I couldn't make it until 8am
I haven't been sober long, a matter of days. But as I did this daily during benders , I don't miss it already
No drink, no matter how much, ever lasted until the morning with me.
The shame was incredible🙈
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
I don't miss all the withdrawal. Which for me, was almost 24/7 at the end of my drinking.
Drinking around the clock.
Panic attacks, anger, shame, fear, rage, paranoia
I don't miss people constantly being disappointed in me.
Drinking around the clock.
Panic attacks, anger, shame, fear, rage, paranoia
I don't miss people constantly being disappointed in me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
I can echo nearly everything that has already been written in this thread to add to the list of things I don't miss!
For me the things that stand out are -
Waking up at 3am feeling sick, splitting headache, crippling anxiety, sweats and fumbling around in the dark to check my phone to see what I said / did.
Waking up after very little broken `sleep` after blacking out to have to go to a job I hated because I genuinely thought the people around me were toxic - when in sober hindsight it was mostly me and my behaviour that made it so.
Applying makeup and eyedrops thinking it masked my bloodshot eyes and sallow skin.
I used to leave notes on my front and back doors to tell myself to not leave the house - although I often did when blacked out and have no idea where I had been unless there was evidence on my phone.
Waking up with unexplained bruises and injuries.
Sex with strangers.
Purchasing things online I don't remember buying.
Paranoia.
Always needing to buy alcohol before the shops closed - although I often bought it in bulk to not have that problem.
I could go on and on the list is endless!
For me the things that stand out are -
Waking up at 3am feeling sick, splitting headache, crippling anxiety, sweats and fumbling around in the dark to check my phone to see what I said / did.
Waking up after very little broken `sleep` after blacking out to have to go to a job I hated because I genuinely thought the people around me were toxic - when in sober hindsight it was mostly me and my behaviour that made it so.
Applying makeup and eyedrops thinking it masked my bloodshot eyes and sallow skin.
I used to leave notes on my front and back doors to tell myself to not leave the house - although I often did when blacked out and have no idea where I had been unless there was evidence on my phone.
Waking up with unexplained bruises and injuries.
Sex with strangers.
Purchasing things online I don't remember buying.
Paranoia.
Always needing to buy alcohol before the shops closed - although I often bought it in bulk to not have that problem.
I could go on and on the list is endless!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
First of all, is it possible to think of what I don't think about? OK, OK, I'm being a bit pedantic about the title of the thread, but I do understand the spirit of the question. Having said that and even understanding the intent, I was at first unable to think about what I don't think about, but fortunately we've had a whole day for people to post lots of things I can now remember that I don't think about. Have I wandered enough in introducing what I'm about to post?
Let me wander just a little bit more. I know, I know. I'm testing everyone's patience, but after reading through this thread, the most insightful thing for me wasn't that I was remember things I don't want to remember, but that I was having emotional reactions in the here and now. I was still experiencing shame triggered by some of the issues different people mention that just strike too close to home. It's not about what I don't think about anymore. It's more about what I don't feel anymore. And this thread made me remember feeling the shame over behaving like a dumb stupid loser, knowing that I was capable of being so much better than that.
Thanks everyone for making me feel rotten, if only momentarily. But I'm over it already, so no harm done.
Let me wander just a little bit more. I know, I know. I'm testing everyone's patience, but after reading through this thread, the most insightful thing for me wasn't that I was remember things I don't want to remember, but that I was having emotional reactions in the here and now. I was still experiencing shame triggered by some of the issues different people mention that just strike too close to home. It's not about what I don't think about anymore. It's more about what I don't feel anymore. And this thread made me remember feeling the shame over behaving like a dumb stupid loser, knowing that I was capable of being so much better than that.
Thanks everyone for making me feel rotten, if only momentarily. But I'm over it already, so no harm done.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
LOL DriGuy. Don't be so meta. I think that's what the kids are saying these days.
I have to agree, though- I started this thread to provide some encouragement to others who might be newer in the journey, but it's brought up a lot of things I no longer WANT to think about.
It certainly has demonstrated how we all have such similar stories and experiences, though, and I too, had a visceral response to some of the posts.
Good work, everyone, and thanks for playing along. We can stop this any time you want.
I have to agree, though- I started this thread to provide some encouragement to others who might be newer in the journey, but it's brought up a lot of things I no longer WANT to think about.
It certainly has demonstrated how we all have such similar stories and experiences, though, and I too, had a visceral response to some of the posts.
Good work, everyone, and thanks for playing along. We can stop this any time you want.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,285
All this..
Dear Friend,
I have come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. I want to make you restless so you can never relax. I want to make you jumpy, nervous, and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable.
I want you to be confused and depressed, so that you can't think clearly and positively. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things you have done in the past and you'll never be able to let go of. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but me for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you feel fearful and paranoid for no reason at all. I want to make you wake up all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me, I'm even in your dreams. I want to be the first thing you think about every morning and the last thing you think about before you black-out.
I'd rather kill you, but I'd be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, another institution, or jail. But you know that I'll be waiting for you when you get out. I love to watch you slowly go insane. I can't help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake; when you freeze and sweat at the same time; when you wake up with the sheets and blankets soaking wet. It's amusing to watch you ignore yourself; not eating, not sleeping, not even attending your personal hygiene.
Yes, it's amazing how much destruction I can be to your internal organs while at the same time working on your brain, destroying it bit by bit.
I deeply appreciate how much you are sacrificing for me. The countless good jobs you have given up for me; all the friends that you deeply cared for, you gave up for me.
And what's more, the ones you turned yourself against because of your inexcusable actions. I am eternally grateful, especially for the loved ones, family and the more important people in the world that you have turned yourself against. You threw even those away for me!
But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend. After you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living HELL, mind, body, and soul. For I will not be satisfied until you ARE DEAD, my friend.
Forever Yours,
Your Addiction
Dear Friend,
I have come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. I want to make you restless so you can never relax. I want to make you jumpy, nervous, and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable.
I want you to be confused and depressed, so that you can't think clearly and positively. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things you have done in the past and you'll never be able to let go of. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but me for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you feel fearful and paranoid for no reason at all. I want to make you wake up all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me, I'm even in your dreams. I want to be the first thing you think about every morning and the last thing you think about before you black-out.
I'd rather kill you, but I'd be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, another institution, or jail. But you know that I'll be waiting for you when you get out. I love to watch you slowly go insane. I can't help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake; when you freeze and sweat at the same time; when you wake up with the sheets and blankets soaking wet. It's amusing to watch you ignore yourself; not eating, not sleeping, not even attending your personal hygiene.
Yes, it's amazing how much destruction I can be to your internal organs while at the same time working on your brain, destroying it bit by bit.
I deeply appreciate how much you are sacrificing for me. The countless good jobs you have given up for me; all the friends that you deeply cared for, you gave up for me.
And what's more, the ones you turned yourself against because of your inexcusable actions. I am eternally grateful, especially for the loved ones, family and the more important people in the world that you have turned yourself against. You threw even those away for me!
But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend. After you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living HELL, mind, body, and soul. For I will not be satisfied until you ARE DEAD, my friend.
Forever Yours,
Your Addiction
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by VikingGF 
LOL DriGuy. Don't be so meta. I think that's what the kids are saying these days.
It's a new and not yet widespread slang usage. So shouldn't get too hung up on the exact definition, since it's not fully crystalised. The "self-referential" meaning presumably arose from the metadata beloved of techies, but this is also a typical usage, where it simply means "ironic".
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 80
I'm early in (5 weeks) and I relate to so much of the stuff already posted.
I don't miss the hiding of bottles, pretending I'm popping out for bread, missing my child's activities, spending cash every day on booze, hiding wine bottles in my handbag when I come in, eating toothpaste after swigs from the bedroom, hurting my husband over and over and over, forgetting everything from the night before in blackout arguments, waking at 3am with that unforgettable stench, anxiety, worry, checking for yellow eyes...it goes on and on...and one of the lowest points was secretly buying a vodka bottle and necking it in the holiday toilets just before playing tennis with my child. I couldn't walk in a straight line.
Just awful stuff I really need to lose from my life now!
I don't miss the hiding of bottles, pretending I'm popping out for bread, missing my child's activities, spending cash every day on booze, hiding wine bottles in my handbag when I come in, eating toothpaste after swigs from the bedroom, hurting my husband over and over and over, forgetting everything from the night before in blackout arguments, waking at 3am with that unforgettable stench, anxiety, worry, checking for yellow eyes...it goes on and on...and one of the lowest points was secretly buying a vodka bottle and necking it in the holiday toilets just before playing tennis with my child. I couldn't walk in a straight line.
Just awful stuff I really need to lose from my life now!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by eggcup25
I guess I have detailed what I don't miss, but I hope in time I will NOT think about this stuff...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Originally Posted by DriGuy
I never heard of meta used in that way before, and I'm confused so I googled, possibly because I'm so "meta." .
LOL!! I'm a speech therapist- to me "Meta" is using language to examine or talk about language- the kids are not using it like I thought they were- and now where I thought I was hip and cool, I am just, um, not.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by VikingGF
LOL!! I'm a speech therapist- to me "Meta" is using language to examine or talk about language- the kids are not using it like I thought they were- and now where I thought I was hip and cool, I am just, um, not.
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