Anyone here? Help!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2023
Posts: 3
Anyone here? Help!
Sorry to sound so dramatic but today for the first time I felt a panic over my addiction. I knew I had a problem for a while now but I could stop before for days, months even! Today I felt panic at the thought of stopping. But here’s the BUT. I moved England from New York and sadly my marriage didn’t make it. I am currently stuck in England without any support. Things are different here there’s little help for addicts and to be very honest I’m afraid that if I ask for help I will lose my kids. My kids are safe and I’m highly functioning but I’m terrified of losing them. I am also terrified of continuing this path. I need help. Someone who has walked this path who is willing to sponsor me or just walk me through this. I can’t continue living this way. Has anyone been here. Living but not living at all? Dying inside daily? I don’t want to anymore. If you can please reach out. I would really appreciate. Thank you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Welcome. Most of us have been in the same situation and have been able to quit permanently. It's hard work but very achievable. The first week is the toughest, but once you are through that it gets easier. After 6 months you will wonder why you waited so long. The support here is amazing and we can get you through this.
Acceptance of the problem (addiction) is the first key step, and it sounds like you are there. I had to accept that my life was being ruined, and I could not drink anymore, but while it does sound a bit daunting, most of it is mental - our addiction doesn't want us to quit, so it will throw up all sorts of mental roadblocks to the idea. But once you do it you realize there are really no barriers and you can have an amazing life. No more hangovers or damage to our system, a clear head at all times, great sleep, and being fully present for our families and friends. You can have this too. It will require work, however it will be well worth it.
Please read the threads on here in the Newcomers section, continue to post, and (highly recommended) join the May class for support - just post a hello to start (link here):
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-1-a.html
Acceptance of the problem (addiction) is the first key step, and it sounds like you are there. I had to accept that my life was being ruined, and I could not drink anymore, but while it does sound a bit daunting, most of it is mental - our addiction doesn't want us to quit, so it will throw up all sorts of mental roadblocks to the idea. But once you do it you realize there are really no barriers and you can have an amazing life. No more hangovers or damage to our system, a clear head at all times, great sleep, and being fully present for our families and friends. You can have this too. It will require work, however it will be well worth it.
Please read the threads on here in the Newcomers section, continue to post, and (highly recommended) join the May class for support - just post a hello to start (link here):
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-1-a.html
Member
Join Date: Mar 2022
Posts: 18
Day 7 here, I am taking it one day at a time. It is very difficult but very much achievable. Hang tight to your kids and know that you want to be the best parent you can be, and alcohol inhibits that. Good luck, and keep posting
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Great to meet you, Adamasame. I'm sorry for the situation you find yourself in. You're so wise to be taking a hard look at what alcohol is doing to your life. I definitely can relate to the fear & emotions you're having - but be glad for them - they will help keep you motivated & determined to change.
When I came here years ago I was in terrible shape & drinking all day. Reading what others had been through & finding out how many had triumphed over their addiction meant everything.
Not feeling alone anymore helps take some of the anxiety out of deciding to quit & taking action.
Hope you'll stay with us! We care.
When I came here years ago I was in terrible shape & drinking all day. Reading what others had been through & finding out how many had triumphed over their addiction meant everything.
Not feeling alone anymore helps take some of the anxiety out of deciding to quit & taking action.
Hope you'll stay with us! We care.
Member
Join Date: May 2022
Location: California
Posts: 354
You're not going to lose anything by asking for help, but you could lose EVERYTHING by NOT asking
All of us here understand what you're going through
You are not alone
Reach out to your Dr, counselor or anyone that can help you with addiction
Be honest with them
Be honest with yourself
You are not alone
We are so glad that you found us
You're helping us even though it may not appear that way
It's not going to be easy but I have 100% faith in you that you can beat the obsession
You are not alone
All of us here understand what you're going through
You are not alone
Reach out to your Dr, counselor or anyone that can help you with addiction
Be honest with them
Be honest with yourself
You are not alone
We are so glad that you found us
You're helping us even though it may not appear that way
It's not going to be easy but I have 100% faith in you that you can beat the obsession
You are not alone
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,518
My heart goes out to you. I moved to the US from Aus to get married, had big problems, and I was pretty scared. I was also alone with no support system, well, no in-person support system. My SR friends were amazing, though. I got advice and understanding.
May I suggest you try AA there? You might find that there is a lot of support just around the corner.
s
May I suggest you try AA there? You might find that there is a lot of support just around the corner.
sMember
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
ADVBike said "After 6 months you will wonder why you waited so long." I would add to that that after 6 months you will remember all the doubt, ambivalence, panic, and mental turmoil of today and wonder what all the fuss was about. We all went through it. It seems so scary. Meet your AV, the Alcoholic Voice that we talk about here all the time. It doesn't like the idea of you breaking the addiction cycle.
Let's say you get to 6 months and it turns out you would rather be a drunk. Getting all that back is the easiest thing in the world. You can have all of the misery and turmoil back with just one bottle, and start up right where you left off. It's often claimed that you don't just go back to where you gave it up, but to where you would have been if you never quit. I never tried it so I don't actually know. But getting a refund on your sobriety is the most ironclad guarantee you could wish for. You have absolutely nothing to lose by getting into recovery.
Yeah, the first week can be a bear, and you will think you could never live that way for the rest of your life, but it won't be for the rest of your life. The cravings fade away. At first, all you need is for them to be manageable. Suddenly things start getting easier, and someday it will dawn on you that you haven't even thought about alcohol for a week. It was a real surprise when I experienced that. That happened to me about 3 months in.
We are glad to have you here.
Let's say you get to 6 months and it turns out you would rather be a drunk. Getting all that back is the easiest thing in the world. You can have all of the misery and turmoil back with just one bottle, and start up right where you left off. It's often claimed that you don't just go back to where you gave it up, but to where you would have been if you never quit. I never tried it so I don't actually know. But getting a refund on your sobriety is the most ironclad guarantee you could wish for. You have absolutely nothing to lose by getting into recovery.
Yeah, the first week can be a bear, and you will think you could never live that way for the rest of your life, but it won't be for the rest of your life. The cravings fade away. At first, all you need is for them to be manageable. Suddenly things start getting easier, and someday it will dawn on you that you haven't even thought about alcohol for a week. It was a real surprise when I experienced that. That happened to me about 3 months in.
We are glad to have you here.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,962
Hi Adamasame
I have along with many other members here experienced the depths of addiction just as you wrote: I was dying inside. Each drug/drink chipped away at my self-worth until I had none.
Check-in at SR 1, 2, 3, or more times daily. Work through your emotions. Lean on SR members like myself for support.
I works for me it can work for you.
Has anyone been here. Living but not living at all? Dying inside daily?
Check-in at SR 1, 2, 3, or more times daily. Work through your emotions. Lean on SR members like myself for support.
I works for me it can work for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
to be very honest I’m afraid that if I ask for help I will lose my kids.
I understand your fear considering you're probably there on some kind of visa, but you can't let that fear stop you from getting help either.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
I've heard it called the gift of desperation.
Even if you are not religious I think there are some Christian concepts that may help out here.
I see much of step 1 as repenting. Not just sorry I did something wrong. More like I understand why this was wrong and I am committed to not repeating this mistake. Changing my thinking and my behavior.
I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable. I was getting up and going to work everyday, on my own, paying my bills for decades. From the outside looking in i had control. I was taking care of myself. In reality the manageability was in serious question. About to fall apart anytime.
Powerless over alcohol. A physical allergy to alcohol that I can not control. Maybe most of the time I can kind of predict but I can not control how much I will drink. I can not drink 3 or 4 and just stop. Its possible but extremely unusual. Something happens to me physically when I touch alcohol that is like an allergic reaction. How much I drink and how I behave can be out of my control.
Maybe normal people can have a bit of a physical allergy. What makes me alcoholic is combining this allergy with an obsession to drink. Knowing what alcohol does to me and still wanting to drink. Its like someone with a peanut allergy having a desire to eat a jar of Planters! The desire to drink is a temporary insanity that comes and goes.
The Bible suggests that we have this constant struggle between what pleases the spirit and what pleases the flesh. I think once the spirit takes control both the spirit and the flesh make out pretty good. When the flesh is in control both the flesh and the spirit seem to go down the toilet. I can't prove any of this God stuff but to me, in many cases somebody a couple of thousand years ago knew what they were talking about.
Even if you are not religious I think there are some Christian concepts that may help out here.
I see much of step 1 as repenting. Not just sorry I did something wrong. More like I understand why this was wrong and I am committed to not repeating this mistake. Changing my thinking and my behavior.
I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable. I was getting up and going to work everyday, on my own, paying my bills for decades. From the outside looking in i had control. I was taking care of myself. In reality the manageability was in serious question. About to fall apart anytime.
Powerless over alcohol. A physical allergy to alcohol that I can not control. Maybe most of the time I can kind of predict but I can not control how much I will drink. I can not drink 3 or 4 and just stop. Its possible but extremely unusual. Something happens to me physically when I touch alcohol that is like an allergic reaction. How much I drink and how I behave can be out of my control.
Maybe normal people can have a bit of a physical allergy. What makes me alcoholic is combining this allergy with an obsession to drink. Knowing what alcohol does to me and still wanting to drink. Its like someone with a peanut allergy having a desire to eat a jar of Planters! The desire to drink is a temporary insanity that comes and goes.
The Bible suggests that we have this constant struggle between what pleases the spirit and what pleases the flesh. I think once the spirit takes control both the spirit and the flesh make out pretty good. When the flesh is in control both the flesh and the spirit seem to go down the toilet. I can't prove any of this God stuff but to me, in many cases somebody a couple of thousand years ago knew what they were talking about.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 615
Hello 🙂
I'm from the UK and I'm not going to lie, I thought twice before writing this because addiction help is pretty grim here. If you have a good GP they can refer you to an addiction service and prescribe you campral or some other drug that can cut down urges. Thing is, depending on where you are that could take months. Or they could refer you to a mental health service and see a CBT councillor for an hour once a fortnight. Again, could take months and depends on services in your area and how sympathetic your GP is.
So, people generally end up having to do it themselves and there are a lot of people who do. A lot of people on this site have taken matters into their own hands and escaped the addiction.
You could not pay for better advice than these people will give you. Their personal experience beats anything any councillor has learnt from a book.
There are techniques if you look around this site that help. Urge surfing and recognising the AV (addictive voice). Which you use to stop picking up the first drink.
You can practice CBT yourself. Smart Recovery uses variations on this. There is Smart online and free face to face meetings.
There is AA which is anytime and free and could help with the isolation. Some day time meetings let you take children if you need to.
The 24/7 online AA meetings do promote sponsorship. There is a woman's sponsor meeting 2 Sundays a month where people go if they want to sponsor or need a sponsor.
Social Services will get involved if they think you are getting drunk and being solely in charge of children. But if you are seeking help, they wouldn't take the kids away unless they were in danger.
In the end though, I think when it comes down to it, whether there are addiction services there or not it's down to you. I am finding the people on this site invaluable. And there is all sorts of information here if you look about.
You are not alone.
The amount of people here who climbed out of the deepest darkest places and have come back to help others out is inspiring.
Please don't give up. You can do this. You just have to grab any life raft you can until you learn to swim. Hope you stay here.
Take care
Alex
I'm from the UK and I'm not going to lie, I thought twice before writing this because addiction help is pretty grim here. If you have a good GP they can refer you to an addiction service and prescribe you campral or some other drug that can cut down urges. Thing is, depending on where you are that could take months. Or they could refer you to a mental health service and see a CBT councillor for an hour once a fortnight. Again, could take months and depends on services in your area and how sympathetic your GP is.
So, people generally end up having to do it themselves and there are a lot of people who do. A lot of people on this site have taken matters into their own hands and escaped the addiction.
You could not pay for better advice than these people will give you. Their personal experience beats anything any councillor has learnt from a book.
There are techniques if you look around this site that help. Urge surfing and recognising the AV (addictive voice). Which you use to stop picking up the first drink.
You can practice CBT yourself. Smart Recovery uses variations on this. There is Smart online and free face to face meetings.
There is AA which is anytime and free and could help with the isolation. Some day time meetings let you take children if you need to.
The 24/7 online AA meetings do promote sponsorship. There is a woman's sponsor meeting 2 Sundays a month where people go if they want to sponsor or need a sponsor.
Social Services will get involved if they think you are getting drunk and being solely in charge of children. But if you are seeking help, they wouldn't take the kids away unless they were in danger.
In the end though, I think when it comes down to it, whether there are addiction services there or not it's down to you. I am finding the people on this site invaluable. And there is all sorts of information here if you look about.
You are not alone.
The amount of people here who climbed out of the deepest darkest places and have come back to help others out is inspiring.
Please don't give up. You can do this. You just have to grab any life raft you can until you learn to swim. Hope you stay here.
Take care
Alex
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,446
Welcome adamasame! I began my journey getting sober after getting divorced with 3 young kids, and getting sober was the best thing I could have done for myself and my kids
I get the impression that the UK has pretty good health care, certainly more consistant than the private system in the US. It's certainly not going to stop you from stopping drinking .
Support was someone I needed to seek out for my self, and getting sober was something *I* had to do no matter what. My doctor was aware of my drinking/quitting but not really a part of the sober plan. Certainly reach out to your GP if you are worried about withrawals or think they can assist you in some way
Avoiding drinking culture was critical for me. You won't find support in the same old places that were your drinking haunts. Avoid temptations and reach out where you can find support, you can do it and it's worth it. :-)
I get the impression that the UK has pretty good health care, certainly more consistant than the private system in the US. It's certainly not going to stop you from stopping drinking .
Support was someone I needed to seek out for my self, and getting sober was something *I* had to do no matter what. My doctor was aware of my drinking/quitting but not really a part of the sober plan. Certainly reach out to your GP if you are worried about withrawals or think they can assist you in some way
Avoiding drinking culture was critical for me. You won't find support in the same old places that were your drinking haunts. Avoid temptations and reach out where you can find support, you can do it and it's worth it. :-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
adamasame- Welcome to SR! It's great that you joined the May class- going to my class every day was a crucial part of my journey, and for so many of us. I hope you keep coming back and posting- especially if you feel like you need help- the biggest thing to learn is ask for help BEFORE you drink- I learned that the hard way tooooo many times. You can do this- learn all you can and don't drink today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
I'm pretty sure most of us have been right where you are in addiction. That's why we are here.
Good news is you can leave the place you are and never ever return. It's possible. It takes Work. But it is possible to never drink again and live a normal happy life.
Don't let the AV lie to you.
You aren't gonna lose your kids because you seek help. First thing comes to mind is patient confidentiality long as you are no threat to yourself or others. Someone looking to better themselves doesn't qualify in my opinion. Tell your AV I said so.
Don't let it tell you there are no options readily available. You found us. This place saved me. We'll I did the Work but these folks knew how to guide me so I could figure out what the Work was.
Don't let the AV convince you of any bs reason that continuing drinking is your best or only option. 1,000,000 billion percent false.
Quitting drinking is The BEST option by 1,000,000 billion times.
When I came here I was in a bad place. Did not think I could ever give it up.
I checked in everyday, read, posted, read more. I saw folks who were saying things I wanted to be able to say. Doing things I wanted to be able to do. Most importantly had been EXACTLY where I was at the time.
They got out. Why the heck can't I?!
I read something here one day that stuck with me and saved me countless times.
"Just don't drink today. No Matter What!"
I wish I could remember who to credit but they didn't say it for recognition, they said it to help someone they didn't even know.
That's what makes this place Great!
This place has been all the help and support I have needed.
Stick around and find Freedom
Good news is you can leave the place you are and never ever return. It's possible. It takes Work. But it is possible to never drink again and live a normal happy life.
Don't let the AV lie to you.
You aren't gonna lose your kids because you seek help. First thing comes to mind is patient confidentiality long as you are no threat to yourself or others. Someone looking to better themselves doesn't qualify in my opinion. Tell your AV I said so.
Don't let it tell you there are no options readily available. You found us. This place saved me. We'll I did the Work but these folks knew how to guide me so I could figure out what the Work was.
Don't let the AV convince you of any bs reason that continuing drinking is your best or only option. 1,000,000 billion percent false.
Quitting drinking is The BEST option by 1,000,000 billion times.
When I came here I was in a bad place. Did not think I could ever give it up.
I checked in everyday, read, posted, read more. I saw folks who were saying things I wanted to be able to say. Doing things I wanted to be able to do. Most importantly had been EXACTLY where I was at the time.
They got out. Why the heck can't I?!
I read something here one day that stuck with me and saved me countless times.
"Just don't drink today. No Matter What!"
I wish I could remember who to credit but they didn't say it for recognition, they said it to help someone they didn't even know.
That's what makes this place Great!
This place has been all the help and support I have needed.
Stick around and find Freedom
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Adamasame, I'm glad you found us and that you're ready to make sobriety work for you. I remember being as scared as you are now and having no idea what to do. My suggestion would be to make a plan for things you can do when you crave a drink. Come up with ideas that will work for you. Each day will get easier. And, I think that checking in here daily could be helpful for you in your recovery journey.
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