Starting over... (long)
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 207
Starting over... (long)
There's no reason to start drinking again... not making excuses, just giving the context.
My mother (age 93, in wheelchair due to stroke 10 years ago) was hospitalized with seizures. After the 3 am seizures, we couldn't wake her up nearly all day (she woke up about 5 pm for maybe an hour and then slept another 10 hours). She had moderate word retrieval problems (often couldn't find words she wanted to say). She moved to a nursing home for rehab (PT, OT, Speech).
A couple weeks later, my father (age 98) fell and hit his head badly. "Bilateral subdural hematomas," the doctor said. Fortunately small and fortunately quickly shrinking. But he developed something called ICU delirium. Day after day I'd go to the hospital, and watch him talk to people who weren't there, tell stories of things that did not happen ("Last night, a nurse and your brother and I flew to Bermuda."). Sometimes he didn't know who I was, sometimes he thought I was my mother. Sometimes he didn't know he was in the hospital. He became agitated and combative and had to be restrained to stay in bed or a chair, and had to have a round-the-clock sitter for a few days. He was verbally abusive--one day, he called me a failure as a daughter because I wouldn't take the mitts off his hands (he had been pulling on his catheter and IV). One day, my husband broke in on a conversation I was having with Dad and said "You will NOT speak to my wife that way." They moved him to the same rehab as Mom. He gradually improved, but has some continuing occasional confusion.
It got so that driving to the hospital or rehab gave me anxiety and palpitations, even with my husband along for emotional support. I was crying every day. I started drinking again. For months.
So, starting over. Today is Day 2.
I identified some online SMART recovery meetings (already have the SMART manual). I'll come here every day. I also have a CBT therapist. And spring is here and I'll spend time in my garden, which is good for my soul (started a bunch of seeds indoors this week). And I walked 12K steps today --my goal is to do at least 10K a day.
If you got this far, thanks for reading.
My mother (age 93, in wheelchair due to stroke 10 years ago) was hospitalized with seizures. After the 3 am seizures, we couldn't wake her up nearly all day (she woke up about 5 pm for maybe an hour and then slept another 10 hours). She had moderate word retrieval problems (often couldn't find words she wanted to say). She moved to a nursing home for rehab (PT, OT, Speech).
A couple weeks later, my father (age 98) fell and hit his head badly. "Bilateral subdural hematomas," the doctor said. Fortunately small and fortunately quickly shrinking. But he developed something called ICU delirium. Day after day I'd go to the hospital, and watch him talk to people who weren't there, tell stories of things that did not happen ("Last night, a nurse and your brother and I flew to Bermuda."). Sometimes he didn't know who I was, sometimes he thought I was my mother. Sometimes he didn't know he was in the hospital. He became agitated and combative and had to be restrained to stay in bed or a chair, and had to have a round-the-clock sitter for a few days. He was verbally abusive--one day, he called me a failure as a daughter because I wouldn't take the mitts off his hands (he had been pulling on his catheter and IV). One day, my husband broke in on a conversation I was having with Dad and said "You will NOT speak to my wife that way." They moved him to the same rehab as Mom. He gradually improved, but has some continuing occasional confusion.
It got so that driving to the hospital or rehab gave me anxiety and palpitations, even with my husband along for emotional support. I was crying every day. I started drinking again. For months.
So, starting over. Today is Day 2.
I identified some online SMART recovery meetings (already have the SMART manual). I'll come here every day. I also have a CBT therapist. And spring is here and I'll spend time in my garden, which is good for my soul (started a bunch of seeds indoors this week). And I walked 12K steps today --my goal is to do at least 10K a day.
If you got this far, thanks for reading.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
Hi Lily1 welcome back to SR 
Looking briefly at your previous post here at SR I see you joined the May 2020 Class.
Perhaps you would like to join the current Cass March 2022.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-2-a.html
It all gets more manageable with sobriety.
Looking briefly at your previous post here at SR I see you joined the May 2020 Class.
Perhaps you would like to join the current Cass March 2022.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-2-a.html
It all gets more manageable with sobriety.
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