Jmarie113

I had a close friend for the last two years. He has severer clinical depression and has been on different medications for it since I met him. They tripled his dose, and it just wasn't working. He dropped out of college, quit his job, and moved in with his parents. His mother is an alcoholic and buys him as much alcohol as he wants. So, he drinks every day, all day. I have stayed up with him until 8am, while he was having thoughts of ending his life and drinking. He started being really mean, mocking me, telling his friends lies about me, standing me up for things...he just got worse and worse. When I told him his behavior was hurting my feelings, he blocked me. Every couple of weeks, he unfriends/unfollows/blocks me somewhere else. He has now run out of places to unfollow me, and still has my number blocked, so I cannot call/text him. It has been two months. I don't know what I did, and I am so hurt. We were so close. He used to tell me I was one of his best friends, and he was alive because of me. He said he cared about me and appreciated me always being there, then just threw me away. I don't get it, and I am so unbelievably sad, waiting for him to unblock me and text me with an apology. Everyone tells me to give up on him, but I can't. I check up on him through his friends, and they say he just drinks and plays video games, nothing else. It's so sad. No one helps him. I don't know what to do. I sent him a letter, but he did not reach out after. I found this forum and thought maybe someone could give me advice. Thank you!

novips

I suggest you post this in one of the "friends and family" forums. I think you're much more likely to get helpful responses there.

biminiblue

Jmarie, he has made it very clear he doesn't want to talk to you.

Anyone can decide that at any time for any reason or no reason...and it's especially likely when someone has mental health or substance abuse issues.

Let go and let God. You are not going to be his savior, none of us are that powerful...he isn't ready and may never be. Let him go and go live your own life.

advbike

So sorry to hear of the situation with your friend. I also suggest you take a read through the Friends and Family section as it will be eye opening. Addicts put their substance before anything else, and the longer we hang on the more we suffer. They are the ones who have to want to change, take action and do the work. In the meantime they say and do terrible things to those who care.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

Hevyn

Welcome, Jmarie. I'm sorry for this sad situation. I can imagine how it made you feel after devoting so much time to helping him

I had a similar situation, only it was my husband who became ungrateful & unreachable. I know he regretted his actions, but it was too late for things to be salvaged.
I hope your friend seeks the help he needs, but you've done all you could.

Anna

Welcome and I'm sorry for the situation with your friend. Sadly, you can't help him. He needs to help himself and make a choice to seek support for his alcoholism. Take care of yourself and know that you tried to help.

Dee74

Hi jmarie - welcome to SR
When someone cuts you off completely like this its hard to get over...but like others have said, I'd consider maybe the problem lies with him and not with you?

D

Dee74

Newcomers forum is for all newcomers tho
If I don't have experience to share someone else will, y'know?

D

Jmarie113

Thank you. This helped. I appreciate everything you guys have said. We were so close, and he knows I was always here for him. When he blocked me, it was a shock, and I didn't know how to process it, but I do see that this is not something I did wrong but a side effect of how much he drinks.

Cityboy

JMarie, sorry for what brings you here. You must be feeling hurt and confused. Sounds like you made as much effort as you could to keep communications going. He's made his choice at this point. You might ask yourself a tough question, if this is the type of drama you want your life to be affected by.

Zencat

Sorry this is happening.

If your friend is drinking while he is on psychiatric medication he can become unpredictable. You didn't cause his problems and you can't cure him. Letting go will be really hard yet it may be best to step back for awhile a think hard about what to do next. Best wishes.

VikingGF

JMarie,
A break-up is a break-up and I am so sorry for your situation. As for looking for closure or reconciliation, the best you can do now is probably accept that your “friend” needs to be on his own to figure out (or not) his next steps. You get to protect yourself emotionally so he can’t hurt you so badly, and make some boundaries in case he has a change of heart. In situations like this, people are known to come running back when they feel alone or out of alternatives. Be ready to say no, be strong in your conviction and remember that every action must have a consequence. Real friends do not cut us off, use us or treat us without respect or regard. I’m glad you found us.

Jmarie113

Thanks. You picked up on the more than friends thing. To be fair, he was the one saying he loved me and wanted to marry me. I held back because he was always drunk when he said these things. I kept it platonic on my side, though I did go to movies and such with him. He said I was the only one he could count on. He said he was alive because of me. Then, he threw me away because I got upset that he stood me up three days in a row. It hurts. I keep trying not to care. I have a therapist now. She tells me to focus on me, not him. I keep trying, but I do miss him, and I am sad. Thank you for your response. My therapist also said he's coming back when he needs me and to be prepared.

DriGuy

I think your therapist is right on about focusing on yourself. Although I'm not so sure he's coming back. At least I hope not, because there is nothing but harm in it for you. As for focusing on yourself, focus on your strength, not your misery. Learn to live without closure, because sometimes it is just NOT going to be there. I've been where you are, and I can empathize, but I've also found out over the years something about myself, and I think it's true for everyone. We are stronger than we think, and we should be proud of ourselves for it. Look at where you are right now, and what he has done to you. This is not the good makings of a relationship. You are lucky because now you won't have to kick him out a year from now, which is even harder because it's hard to dump someone, especially when you have to realize you have been the fool for letting it get that far. Count this as a blessing. There is a better match for you out there. There always is. You just haven't found it yet, but now you can.