Ten Years
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Ten Years
Today I have been sober for 10 years (and 2 days).
I have been spending some time remembering how it was at the beginning. I had a “day counter” app on my phone and I recall staring at it, just willing it to tick over a single day more – and then, what an amazing feeling to pass 30 days, 100 days, and then 6 months. That was when I found this forum and started reading and learning.
It begins to get more distant now, but I try not to forget or minimize how bad it was. Every day telling myself I wasn’t going to drink, even as I turned into the parking lot of the liquor store. Wandering my neighborhood reeling drunk, lashing out at trees. Lying at the bottom of my staircase, wondering how I got there. Drinking when I put others in harm’s way. Sick from the poison. Just trapped, and baffled, and sinking a little lower day by day. Standing every morning in the shower, hungover, whispering to myself a strange phrase, “There must be a better way.” Where did those words come from?
I found a better way. I was terrified to stop drinking, but when I did I found a kind of courage slowly building in me to change in other ways. It was like waking up from a sleep in which the strange logic of the dream appeared irrevocable, and then realizing that there was real life, beautiful life, outside of the nightmare. Being sober gave me the freedom and the confidence to see what else needed changing; and then making those other changes made it easier to be sober. I had followed a vicious cycle of drinking leading to anxiety leading to more drinking, but now the inverse happened, with small positive steps compounding in growth. I came to see that I could become “a person who no longer marches to the drums of society, a person who dances to the tune of the music that springs up from within.” I do not think I would be sober today if I had not made these other changes, but I did not change them to remain sober; rather I saw fit to change because I was sober. And then I stayed sober because I changed. I do not pretend to understand it.
When I recently dropped my oldest child off at college, I realized what drinking would have robbed me of if I had not stopped. Quite possibly my life. But surely, at a minimum, I would have been absent from her life in some way, either literally or figuratively but no less real. Absent from my own life.
I am filled with amazement and gratitude that I built a new life on a foundation of sobriety. Not everything is perfect, but there is no need for it to be perfect. I can recognize every second as an outrageous gift. I am content with who I am. There is nothing to prove. And every day, I do something extraordinary and thrilling and meaningful, even when I don’t remember to acknowledge it: I don’t drink.
I have been spending some time remembering how it was at the beginning. I had a “day counter” app on my phone and I recall staring at it, just willing it to tick over a single day more – and then, what an amazing feeling to pass 30 days, 100 days, and then 6 months. That was when I found this forum and started reading and learning.
It begins to get more distant now, but I try not to forget or minimize how bad it was. Every day telling myself I wasn’t going to drink, even as I turned into the parking lot of the liquor store. Wandering my neighborhood reeling drunk, lashing out at trees. Lying at the bottom of my staircase, wondering how I got there. Drinking when I put others in harm’s way. Sick from the poison. Just trapped, and baffled, and sinking a little lower day by day. Standing every morning in the shower, hungover, whispering to myself a strange phrase, “There must be a better way.” Where did those words come from?
I found a better way. I was terrified to stop drinking, but when I did I found a kind of courage slowly building in me to change in other ways. It was like waking up from a sleep in which the strange logic of the dream appeared irrevocable, and then realizing that there was real life, beautiful life, outside of the nightmare. Being sober gave me the freedom and the confidence to see what else needed changing; and then making those other changes made it easier to be sober. I had followed a vicious cycle of drinking leading to anxiety leading to more drinking, but now the inverse happened, with small positive steps compounding in growth. I came to see that I could become “a person who no longer marches to the drums of society, a person who dances to the tune of the music that springs up from within.” I do not think I would be sober today if I had not made these other changes, but I did not change them to remain sober; rather I saw fit to change because I was sober. And then I stayed sober because I changed. I do not pretend to understand it.
When I recently dropped my oldest child off at college, I realized what drinking would have robbed me of if I had not stopped. Quite possibly my life. But surely, at a minimum, I would have been absent from her life in some way, either literally or figuratively but no less real. Absent from my own life.
I am filled with amazement and gratitude that I built a new life on a foundation of sobriety. Not everything is perfect, but there is no need for it to be perfect. I can recognize every second as an outrageous gift. I am content with who I am. There is nothing to prove. And every day, I do something extraordinary and thrilling and meaningful, even when I don’t remember to acknowledge it: I don’t drink.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
You've written a lot of my feelings and behaviors when I was drinking. So glad that's behind us now. 
. Thank you for a moving and heartfelt post and congrats on your sober decade.
. Thank you for a moving and heartfelt post and congrats on your sober decade. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Congrats, @Deckard! Ten Years is EPIC! 
I remember your posts from my early days here, you joined not long after I did. So many have dropped off from posting. I always hope they quit drinking and just didn't need SR anymore but I expect some of them didn't make it. It's great to see the success you've had and I'm grateful that you have stuck around kept posting. Congrats on ten years, that really is a landmark accomplishment.
I remember your posts from my early days here, you joined not long after I did. So many have dropped off from posting. I always hope they quit drinking and just didn't need SR anymore but I expect some of them didn't make it. It's great to see the success you've had and I'm grateful that you have stuck around kept posting. Congrats on ten years, that really is a landmark accomplishment.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
Thank you for sharing your 10yr recovery accomplishment
with us and passing on your experiences, strengths and hopes
to others who are wanting to learn how to achieve continuous
sobriety and freedom from their own addictions.
With support, willingness, openmindedness, honesty,
and change, the gift of a sobriety is available to all who
want it today and everyday moving forward.
with us and passing on your experiences, strengths and hopes
to others who are wanting to learn how to achieve continuous
sobriety and freedom from their own addictions.
With support, willingness, openmindedness, honesty,
and change, the gift of a sobriety is available to all who
want it today and everyday moving forward.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
Originally Posted by AAPJ 
Can you tell us how you did it?
But how he did it is not directly addressed. Can it be as simple as participating in SR, or in AA, or changing one's relationship with his AV, or reading the right book? There is something deeper about recovery that happens (I think must happen) to actually take us in a new direction, but it's seldom articulated. On the other hand, I have a close friend with 25+ years who simply sums it up by saying, "I just decided to quit." I keep wondering what he's not telling me, but maybe for him, that's all that it takes.
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,948
I do not think I would be sober today if I had not made these other changes….
Great post, Deck. I loved the part about dropping your older child off at college. What a great last ten years she’s had with you being there.
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,342
Deckard…..
THAT is truly an AMAZING POST!!! 🎉🪅🎊❤️🤓🪄🎁
You have brightened my day, although I’ve made it to just over 14 months, some days I still feel off. Today was a little like that for me.
Your articulation and communication of your experience brought me right into your universe.
Thank you ever so much, and HUGE congratulations on the culmination of the amazing and miraculous thing you do every day that has led to a new life of contentment, a changed you for the BETTER.
10 Years of Sobriety 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
THAT is truly an AMAZING POST!!! 🎉🪅🎊❤️🤓🪄🎁
You have brightened my day, although I’ve made it to just over 14 months, some days I still feel off. Today was a little like that for me.
Your articulation and communication of your experience brought me right into your universe.
Thank you ever so much, and HUGE congratulations on the culmination of the amazing and miraculous thing you do every day that has led to a new life of contentment, a changed you for the BETTER.
10 Years of Sobriety 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Thanks for the kind words, everyone, and I’m glad my thoughts resonated a bit.
I am thrilled to see so many folks I remember from over the years continuing to do well and spread the good word.
@Least, MythOfSisyphus, Dee, Aasharon90, Zebra1275, Zencat, Hevyn, VikingGF, Neferkamichael – wow, I remember you all and I want to say a huge thank you for all you have done to support me and others. What an inspiring and amazing group.
@AAPJ and DriGuy – You are right, I kind of left it a little vague on purpose, since I believe there are many roads to success here. But since you asked:
The most important thing I did was read and participate in this forum, I learned a lot and benefited from the wisdom that is available here in abundance. For example, I saw that even after, say, 10 years, the work of staying sober is not “done.”
I read the Big Book (found it free online) and felt it was a valuable resource (especially the stories/testimonies at the end, which made me feel seen and less alone).
I found the book "Rational Recovery" by Jack Trimpey to be absolutely central to my recovery – it changed my life and showed me an achievable and (as the title implies) rational approach that fit very well with my own mindset.
In terms of some of the other larger life changes I alluded to, I started in on many of them after I read the book “Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality” by Anthony De Mello. That book also changed my life.
These were some things that were important to me and worked for me specifically. But the overall theme that is probably applicable to everyone in this situation was just a willingness to get radically honest. To dispense with the illusions and rationalizations and justifications that had gotten me into a worsening mess. To try to look at things with complete clarity, to see their true value or worthlessness, and let the latter fall away. I used the analogy above of waking up, and that kind of sudden shift in perspective is the best way I can put it – I just got rocked hard enough to sit up and realize that the crazy nightmare dreamworld was actually being created by my own mind making things up and spinning haywire, and I could instead choose to live in reality if I wanted to. And that reality can be beautiful but also harsh and frightening, but there was no other choice if I wanted to live authentically. Hope that helps somehow.
I am thrilled to see so many folks I remember from over the years continuing to do well and spread the good word.
@Least, MythOfSisyphus, Dee, Aasharon90, Zebra1275, Zencat, Hevyn, VikingGF, Neferkamichael – wow, I remember you all and I want to say a huge thank you for all you have done to support me and others. What an inspiring and amazing group.
@AAPJ and DriGuy – You are right, I kind of left it a little vague on purpose, since I believe there are many roads to success here. But since you asked:
The most important thing I did was read and participate in this forum, I learned a lot and benefited from the wisdom that is available here in abundance. For example, I saw that even after, say, 10 years, the work of staying sober is not “done.”
I read the Big Book (found it free online) and felt it was a valuable resource (especially the stories/testimonies at the end, which made me feel seen and less alone).
I found the book "Rational Recovery" by Jack Trimpey to be absolutely central to my recovery – it changed my life and showed me an achievable and (as the title implies) rational approach that fit very well with my own mindset.
In terms of some of the other larger life changes I alluded to, I started in on many of them after I read the book “Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality” by Anthony De Mello. That book also changed my life.
These were some things that were important to me and worked for me specifically. But the overall theme that is probably applicable to everyone in this situation was just a willingness to get radically honest. To dispense with the illusions and rationalizations and justifications that had gotten me into a worsening mess. To try to look at things with complete clarity, to see their true value or worthlessness, and let the latter fall away. I used the analogy above of waking up, and that kind of sudden shift in perspective is the best way I can put it – I just got rocked hard enough to sit up and realize that the crazy nightmare dreamworld was actually being created by my own mind making things up and spinning haywire, and I could instead choose to live in reality if I wanted to. And that reality can be beautiful but also harsh and frightening, but there was no other choice if I wanted to live authentically. Hope that helps somehow.
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