AJ143143

Day 11 done. In PJs. Think I am getting sick … I think it may be from working out too much with very little sleep. Im getting to bed early tonight. I can’t believe I am 2 days away from 2 weeks. That’s crazy … in a good way. Life looks different just 2 weeks without alcohol. I am feeling really feverish though …

Dee74

hope that rest and staying hydrated will help AJ

D

advbike

Fantastic job on 11 days! You are way past the worst of it now, AJ.

You are doing this! Get some rest and be well.

mns1

Doing great AJ. Hope you feel better.

DriGuy

Yeah, the thing about sobriety is that you can still get sick, but now you can also do things that you could not do drunk. There's just more options out there.

Anna

Keep up the good work, AJ.

fishkiller

Hope you feel better today.

dustyfox

I felt pretty sick for the first week or two, in fact pretty rough for the first month or two. I hope you have taken it easy today, drunk lots of water and eaten something.

AJ143143

hi. I don’t think I’m sick from the alcohol withdraw. I didn’t have any withdraw really… I think i am just actually sick.

AJ143143

Thank you everyone. I am feeling ok today. I had a panic attack in the middle of the night... but I got through it an fell back to sleep. Still feel under the weather but I went on a walk today anyway. I got a ton of work done... I am now cleaning my house....

I feel resentful today that I am not drinking ... I know it will pass... Just not in a place of graditude. I need to get there .... I am kinda blah... but it is Day 12 today... almost 2 weeks... I know I won't drink ... but I am just annoyed today in general...

advbike

Way to go AJ. You're doing a spectacular job!

DriGuy

Keep it up. You're going to process a lot of feelings, but it's important that you spend more time sticking to your commitment to not take that drink. Note your feelings for sure, but focus on sobriety.

As you observed, "You know it will pass," and it will, not just the resentments and temporary feelings, but so will this whole two week period you are in right now. It will just be a memory in your past. Things really do change in sobriety. Sometimes I look back at my early struggles and wonder what all the fuss was about. This is not to say the fuss doesn't mean anything. It means a lot before the addiction cycle is broken, but later in your life, other issues will be more meaningful, and I would add, much easier to handle than your current two weeks of Hell.

AJ143143

I feel fussy today. I have a run planned with one of my friends. My boyfriend wants me to go to dinner with him and his friends (who I haven’t met yet)… I really don’t want to go. I am not worried about drinking. I am just annoyed … it feels like pressure. Why aren’t these things fun for me? It always feels like an interview. It was so funny growing up because I was always the “popular girl”… yet I didn’t really like the whole hupla of a lot of things. So in high school I faded into the background on purpose. As I got into my twenties I had a lot of friends… yet I needed to be alone more than most. I joke that people seemed to gravitate towards me but I wanted to gravitate to my bedroom. I didn’t like when people drank around me. I didn’t drink until my thirties. Drugs scared me then and they do now as well. It just seemed like a tribe I didn’t belong to. Now that I turned 40 it seems that there are more meaningful friendships I have. Raw, honest and deep conversation. That is my tribe … I have a handful of those friends now. I was always jealous of those people that could seemingly live on the surface level. I wish that were me. I guess some days it is. To be honest I have spent the better part of a decade running away from my emotions. Not always with wine. Sometimes with TV…. Working out too much … working too much … I mean really anything that numbs. I was /am addicted to anything that has the ability to make me zone out enough to not feel. Wine wasn’t even the issue I’m learning. Now I’m working out twice a day in its substitute. I think meditation and journaling more need to be habits I bring into my life.

Anna

I really understand what you're saying, AJ. I was in my mid-forties before I began to drink. But, like you, I used other things, like keeping overly busy, to prevent me from feeling things. And, I agree, once you've stopped drinking, it's not about the alcohol as much as it's about changing from within. I think this is the hard part - being quiet and looking very closely at yourself. I found things I didn't want to see, but I also found things I was happy to acknowledge about myself.

mns1

I totally get what you're saying as well AJ. I think meditation and journaling are fantastic ideas. I recommend meditation a lot because it has done so much for my own psychological health. If you really dedicate yourself to it and stick with it, you learn a ton about your own mind, and in the process reap the benefits like stress reduction, reduced anxiety, better concentration, sleep, etc. Another thing is it teaches you how to be more comfortable being alone with no distractions. And trust me I know how tough that can be.

I strongly encourage you to go for it. Just know that days like today where your mind is more chaotic are going to happen and it's okay to feel fussy.

AJ143143

Thank you both for understanding. I just finished my run with my friend. I’m actually pretty comfortable alone without distractions. It’s being around others energy that seems to drain me or I feel on edge. Not everyone. But most people. I feel at peace around animals. Lol. Like if it’s just me and my cat I feel cozy. I think I love connecting to people but it can be a double edge sword cause I become the “go to” person for a lot of people to talk to. I try and tell my friends and family that I’m kind of an introvert and they all say “ you, no way “… I was always viewed as a social butterfly. I think it’s a role I played cause I wanted to be liked growing up. I think in my 30s I couldn’t fake it anymore so alcohol came in and now that I turned 40 I’m like “ok I need to learn this introverted, softer part of myself”… cause that’s who I really am. Not sure if this all makes sense. What I know for sure is without stoping the nightly wine I wouldn’t even be exploring myself. I would be busy all day and then workout and then have 2-4 glasses of wine for the last 3 hours of my evening. Go to bed and wash rinse and repeat. Never getting too drunk but also never leaving any room for growth. It’s amazing and kinda crazy what 2 weeks of not drinking can do. Now I have to decide to journal and meditate instead of numb with working out, watching 3 episodes in a row of a show nightly or piling on work. Distract distract distract. I actually kinda like myself so I feel like distracting is just a habit