Why ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
Why ?
It’s my birthday today. I have a wonderful life. I have everything I need and want. I have people I love and who love me. I have good health. I have no money worries. I am fairly intelligent. So to myself I ask the simple question. Why? Why do I seem intent on giving all this away ? Why do I continue to consume something that I know will one day kill me? It’s complete madness. Start of day 1.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
Hi Toffee - welcome back 
Addiction is illogical - but that doesn't diminish it's power.
You can employ logic to defeat its arguments tho - that, a solid commitment to 'never again', and support, can change lives.
D
Addiction is illogical - but that doesn't diminish it's power.
You can employ logic to defeat its arguments tho - that, a solid commitment to 'never again', and support, can change lives.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,062
Addiction has no rhyme or reason. All you can do is fight every urge it with all your might until sober becomes your norm. It is a battle like no other but worth it in the end.
Happy Birthday Toffee.
Happy Birthday Toffee.
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Happy birthday Toffee, and congrats on starting your sober journey.
I was in that same boat for many years as well. The cool thing is we have the power to see right through those thoughts and impulses and choose not to drink/use. And with time, they die down.
You got this.
I was in that same boat for many years as well. The cool thing is we have the power to see right through those thoughts and impulses and choose not to drink/use. And with time, they die down.
You got this.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
Happy birthday!
- birthdays are often a time of taking stock, a bit like New Year, and I have done that a few times, resolved to stop drinking on my birthday or New Years' Eve.
You are right to take stock. I hope you get to next year's birthday and look back at a years sobriety.
You will have to stop one day today seems like the best day ever to do it.
What a great gift to yourself.
- birthdays are often a time of taking stock, a bit like New Year, and I have done that a few times, resolved to stop drinking on my birthday or New Years' Eve.
You are right to take stock. I hope you get to next year's birthday and look back at a years sobriety.
You will have to stop one day today seems like the best day ever to do it.
What a great gift to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,172
As pointed out, addiction is a "battle like no other." You are going to need new tools to deal with it. Don't ask, "Why can't I?" You should be asking, "How do I?" Recovery requires a behavior change. Read around the forum and get an idea about what others did. Then participate in discussions about your personal issues. You will find you are not as alone as you think.
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,699
Originally Posted by Toffee1 
Why? Why do I seem intent on giving all this away ? Why do I continue to consume something that I know will one day kill me? It’s complete madness.
"How do I put this down FOREVER?"
My list looks like:
1.) AA participation
2.) individual therapy,
3.) daily SR reading and posting
4.) honesty with friends and family,
5.) exercise,
6.) reading both "Alcohol Explained" books by William Porter
7.) journaling and meditation
8.) identifying and shutting down the Addict Voice that lives inside my head
Your list will be different than mine! Everyone's list is different! Just make sure you are firming up the conscious decision to STOP with some helpful tools for dealing with/understanding the battle. I made dozens of conscious decisions before I actually got to WORK at using my tools.
You sound like someone who is accustomed to work. There is no better time to get to it! Happy Birthday!
Much love,
TC
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
"Why" I drank, drove me crazy for years and I continued to drink as a result. When I changed my focus to "how"can I stop drinking, the door opened and I was able to. During the process of doing "how", the answers to "why" started to come to me.
"Why" in this case, basically means what is the logic behind the questionable behavior. Drinking alcoholically is totally illogical so the question can't be answered with logic. Stopping drinking is totally logical. Using the logical process of "how" to stop provides answers to a multitude of questions.
"Why" in this case, basically means what is the logic behind the questionable behavior. Drinking alcoholically is totally illogical so the question can't be answered with logic. Stopping drinking is totally logical. Using the logical process of "how" to stop provides answers to a multitude of questions.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,956
'Why' is a difficult question. At a very high level, our brain has a reward system for anything that makes it feel good.
When an internal trigger (anxiety, stress etc.) or an external trigger (people, regular drinking time, places) is encountered, alcoholics start getting signals to reward our brain. After we complete the action (drinking), this chain is reinforced further.
Over time this mechanism becomes very strong. We will need to break this iron chain using all means and avoid triggers to come out. Also another important thing is because alcohol takes up all time and energy, it never lets us address other important issues in our lives. This further adds to our problems forcing us to drink more.
When an internal trigger (anxiety, stress etc.) or an external trigger (people, regular drinking time, places) is encountered, alcoholics start getting signals to reward our brain. After we complete the action (drinking), this chain is reinforced further.
Over time this mechanism becomes very strong. We will need to break this iron chain using all means and avoid triggers to come out. Also another important thing is because alcohol takes up all time and energy, it never lets us address other important issues in our lives. This further adds to our problems forcing us to drink more.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
Originally Posted by ToughChoices
"Why?" is a fascinating and important question, but, for me, it had to come after "How?"
"How do I put this down FOREVER?"
My list looks like:
1.) AA participation
2.) individual therapy,
3.) daily SR reading and posting
4.) honesty with friends and family,
5.) exercise,
6.) reading both "Alcohol Explained" books by William Porter
7.) journaling and meditation
8.) identifying and shutting down the Addict Voice that lives inside my head
Your list will be different than mine! Everyone's list is different! Just make sure you are firming up the conscious decision to STOP with some helpful tools for dealing with/understanding the battle. I made dozens of conscious decisions before I actually got to WORK at using my tools.
You sound like someone who is accustomed to work. There is no better time to get to it! Happy Birthday!
Much love,
TC
"How do I put this down FOREVER?"
My list looks like:
1.) AA participation
2.) individual therapy,
3.) daily SR reading and posting
4.) honesty with friends and family,
5.) exercise,
6.) reading both "Alcohol Explained" books by William Porter
7.) journaling and meditation
8.) identifying and shutting down the Addict Voice that lives inside my head
Your list will be different than mine! Everyone's list is different! Just make sure you are firming up the conscious decision to STOP with some helpful tools for dealing with/understanding the battle. I made dozens of conscious decisions before I actually got to WORK at using my tools.
You sound like someone who is accustomed to work. There is no better time to get to it! Happy Birthday!
Much love,
TC
Welcome back Toffee1 and here's a chip for you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2022
Posts: 274
Happy birthday Toffee!!
Towards the end of my drinking, I drank because I didn't have any say. I was powerless, it had total cotrol.
I've said it before, I was "Remote controlled" by it. It sent me anywhere it wanted at any time.
Now I have complete control over it so long as I don't pick up, It's now powerless over the sober me. The tide has changed.
Good luck toffee - YOU CAN DO IT
Towards the end of my drinking, I drank because I didn't have any say. I was powerless, it had total cotrol.
I've said it before, I was "Remote controlled" by it. It sent me anywhere it wanted at any time.
Now I have complete control over it so long as I don't pick up, It's now powerless over the sober me. The tide has changed.
Good luck toffee - YOU CAN DO IT
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,969
Originally Posted by ToffeeSo
to myself I ask the simple question. Why? Why do I seem intent on giving all this away ? Why do I continue to consume something that I know will one day kill me? It’s complete madness. Start of day 1
Now you go from 'why' into the realm of 'how'. As in
how do you recover from a seemly hopeless state.
As some wrote, have a healthy plan of action you can carry out every day.
🌜 Works for this ragged old addict.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,577
Hi Toffee. Happy Birthday.
I have no answer, even many years after getting sober. I guess I was seeking the euphoria I felt in the early days of my drinking career. It was once fun & relaxing - but I never imagined I'd end up dependent on it. It took me a while to finally admit I couldn't risk drinking a drop, or back into hell I'd go. I'm so glad you're here to begin again. Congrats on your Day 1. Sounds like you're ready to do this.
I have no answer, even many years after getting sober. I guess I was seeking the euphoria I felt in the early days of my drinking career. It was once fun & relaxing - but I never imagined I'd end up dependent on it. It took me a while to finally admit I couldn't risk drinking a drop, or back into hell I'd go. I'm so glad you're here to begin again. Congrats on your Day 1. Sounds like you're ready to do this.
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