Why ?
 

It’s my birthday today. I have a wonderful life. I have everything I need and want. I have people I love and who love me. I have good health. I have no money worries. I am fairly intelligent. So to myself I ask the simple question. Why? Why do I seem intent on giving all this away ? Why do I continue to consume something that I know will one day kill me? It’s complete madness. Start of day 1.

Hi Toffee - welcome back :)

Addiction is illogical - but that doesn't diminish it's power.

You can employ logic to defeat its arguments tho - that, a solid commitment to 'never again', and support, can change lives.

D

Addiction has no rhyme or reason. All you can do is fight every urge it with all your might until sober becomes your norm. It is a battle like no other but worth it in the end.

​​​​​​Happy Birthday Toffee.

Welcome back to SR Toffee. Addiction is destructive and makes no sense at all but unfortunately it's real. Make this your last day 1.

Happy Birthday Toffee :)

Ps
 

… happy birthday. Being sober is the best present anyone can give themselves I think. Congrats on day 1 :)

D

That's is how I was/am and it made no sense at all. Addiction is very powerful and can take hold. Congratulations on day 1, it only gets better.

Congrats on Day 1 and Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday Toffee, and congrats on starting your sober journey.

I was in that same boat for many years as well. The cool thing is we have the power to see right through those thoughts and impulses and choose not to drink/use. And with time, they die down.

You got this.

Happy birthday!
- birthdays are often a time of taking stock, a bit like New Year, and I have done that a few times, resolved to stop drinking on my birthday or New Years' Eve.
You are right to take stock. I hope you get to next year's birthday and look back at a years sobriety.
You will have to stop one day today seems like the best day ever to do it.
What a great gift to yourself.

As pointed out, addiction is a "battle like no other." You are going to need new tools to deal with it. Don't ask, "Why can't I?" You should be asking, "How do I?" Recovery requires a behavior change. Read around the forum and get an idea about what others did. Then participate in discussions about your personal issues. You will find you are not as alone as you think.

"Why?" is a fascinating and important question, but, for me, it had to come after "How?"
"How do I put this down FOREVER?"

My list looks like:
1.) AA participation
2.) individual therapy,
3.) daily SR reading and posting
4.) honesty with friends and family,
5.) exercise,
6.) reading both "Alcohol Explained" books by William Porter
7.) journaling and meditation
8.) identifying and shutting down the Addict Voice that lives inside my head

Your list will be different than mine! Everyone's list is different! Just make sure you are firming up the conscious decision to STOP with some helpful tools for dealing with/understanding the battle. I made dozens of conscious decisions before I actually got to WORK at using my tools.
You sound like someone who is accustomed to work. There is no better time to get to it! Happy Birthday!

Much love,
TC

^^What they said.

Today is the day. Today is always the day to not pick up (drink/drugs.)

"Why" I drank, drove me crazy for years and I continued to drink as a result. When I changed my focus to "how"can I stop drinking, the door opened and I was able to. During the process of doing "how", the answers to "why" started to come to me.

"Why" in this case, basically means what is the logic behind the questionable behavior. Drinking alcoholically is totally illogical so the question can't be answered with logic. Stopping drinking is totally logical. Using the logical process of "how" to stop provides answers to a multitude of questions.

Happy Birthday, Toffee! Day 1 is great.

As others have said alcoholism is illogical and the AV is diabolical.

'Why' is a difficult question. At a very high level, our brain has a reward system for anything that makes it feel good.

When an internal trigger (anxiety, stress etc.) or an external trigger (people, regular drinking time, places) is encountered, alcoholics start getting signals to reward our brain. After we complete the action (drinking), this chain is reinforced further.

Over time this mechanism becomes very strong. We will need to break this iron chain using all means and avoid triggers to come out. Also another important thing is because alcohol takes up all time and energy, it never lets us address other important issues in our lives. This further adds to our problems forcing us to drink more.

My List is similar

Welcome back Toffee1 and here's a chip for you

https://i.postimg.cc/cJDNk3HQ/original.jpg

Happy birthday Toffee!!

Towards the end of my drinking, I drank because I didn't have any say. I was powerless, it had total cotrol.

I've said it before, I was "Remote controlled" by it. It sent me anywhere it wanted at any time.

Now I have complete control over it so long as I don't pick up, It's now powerless over the sober me. The tide has changed.

Good luck toffee - YOU CAN DO IT

How do you think I chose my name?
It didn't make any sense at all.

The path to understanding it is total abstinence.
Come walk it with us.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ToffeeSo

to myself I ask the simple question. Why? Why do I seem intent on giving all this away ? Why do I continue to consume something that I know will one day kill me? It’s complete madness. Start of day 1

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One word: Addiction and you just may have that. Addiction is the great thief. It can rob you of everything (even explanations as 'why') you hold near and dear to your heart. Now that is solved!

Now you go from 'why' into the realm of 'how'. As in
how do you recover from a seemly hopeless state.

As some wrote, have a healthy plan of action you can carry out every day.
🌜 Works for this ragged old addict.

Hi Toffee. Happy Birthday.

I have no answer, even many years after getting sober. I guess I was seeking the euphoria I felt in the early days of my drinking career. It was once fun & relaxing - but I never imagined I'd end up dependent on it. It took me a while to finally admit I couldn't risk drinking a drop, or back into hell I'd go. I'm so glad you're here to begin again. Congrats on your Day 1. Sounds like you're ready to do this.