Anyone else?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2022
Posts: 1
Anyone else?
Hi, my name is Tricia. I’m new here. I’ve been struggling with alcohol for 35 years. I just recently got a DUII and due to a series of unfortunate events, ended up moving in with my elderly parents who I haven’t lived with since the day after I turned 18. I have a major battle going on in my brain! One side tells me I can still drink, just not hard alcohol. The other side says it’s time to quit it all. Alcohol has been the reason for most of the problems in my life but also some fun times. I know the reasons that I drink and the list is long so actually I don’t even need a reason, lol. This is a vicious cycle that I can’t seem to get out of. Any suggestions or thoughts or just to know I’m not alone are welcome.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 177
Hi and welcome to Sober Recovery. You will find much help and support here. We understand what you have been through as we have all made mistakes, some of them very dramatic, that were fueled by our drinking.
You need to quit. You cannot drink moderately. We've all tried it over and over and over and over again. We've run the experiments and duplicated them. We've seen the results and it just doesn't work. I know it sounds like a cliche but take it one day at a time. Start today. It is a hard journey but well worth it. You will slowly begin to heal and see your life get better.
My journey into sobriety came after a DUI. I know what you are going through but, trust me, you will get through it. The lawyers, court dates, proceedings, and penalties all seem terribly daunting but you will get through it and, believe it or not and faster than you know, it will be over with and in your rear view mirror and hopefully you emerge as a better person having learned from what happened. If it has inspired you to quit drinking, and you do, this DUI may actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
You have taken a great first step by signing up here. Stick around and comment and read often as it helps with the staying sober. You will find inspiration and empathy as we are all part of shared story.
You need to quit. You cannot drink moderately. We've all tried it over and over and over and over again. We've run the experiments and duplicated them. We've seen the results and it just doesn't work. I know it sounds like a cliche but take it one day at a time. Start today. It is a hard journey but well worth it. You will slowly begin to heal and see your life get better.
My journey into sobriety came after a DUI. I know what you are going through but, trust me, you will get through it. The lawyers, court dates, proceedings, and penalties all seem terribly daunting but you will get through it and, believe it or not and faster than you know, it will be over with and in your rear view mirror and hopefully you emerge as a better person having learned from what happened. If it has inspired you to quit drinking, and you do, this DUI may actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
You have taken a great first step by signing up here. Stick around and comment and read often as it helps with the staying sober. You will find inspiration and empathy as we are all part of shared story.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Hi Tricia and Welcome,
If alcohol is causing problems in your life, and it sounds like it is, then stopping drinking is the answer. And, there is no difference to alcoholics between wine, beer and liquor. I'm glad you found us and decided to post. We do understand how hard this is, and we're here for you.
If alcohol is causing problems in your life, and it sounds like it is, then stopping drinking is the answer. And, there is no difference to alcoholics between wine, beer and liquor. I'm glad you found us and decided to post. We do understand how hard this is, and we're here for you.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hi Tricia,
Welcome. You are definitely not alone. I believe that duality in your brain is the very definition of addiction. "I know I should stop/I don't wanna stop." It's crazy-making, isn't it? I struggled with this for probably the same amount of time as you have. Never had a DUI, but that's not because I didn't deserve one (many). I lost lots of other things though - personal dignity, my claim to not being able to lie, respect of my children, money, time from work, etc etc etc.
In the end, I knew it all along, just like you do; the only solution is to never drink any alcohol. Period. I had a pretty good run - two years and then some starting in January of 2020. Unfortunately, I lost (let go of!) the thread in March of this year and landed in the hospital. The entire first week I was there, I was not at all there, if you know what I mean. I experienced dementia, and they weren't sure I would come out of it. Selfishly, I think that's sort of what I was seeking - oblivion, right? But when I came out of it, I was horrified by what my family had gone through during the time I was lost in space. I didn't know, but they did. Awful.
So I'm back at it again, this mantra, "I never drink now (because it's always now, and I can do anything for just a moment)." I'm sorry to say that I still have that tug toward drinking on a semi-regular basis, but I'm also happy to report that it gets less bothersome with practice. I figure my addicted brain is a toddler, and it can be expected to throw a temper tantrum from time to time. If I need to be the one throwing the tantrum, better that than to indulge the addict within.
Stick around, tell us how it goes with you. Believe me, we get it.
O
Welcome. You are definitely not alone. I believe that duality in your brain is the very definition of addiction. "I know I should stop/I don't wanna stop." It's crazy-making, isn't it? I struggled with this for probably the same amount of time as you have. Never had a DUI, but that's not because I didn't deserve one (many). I lost lots of other things though - personal dignity, my claim to not being able to lie, respect of my children, money, time from work, etc etc etc.
In the end, I knew it all along, just like you do; the only solution is to never drink any alcohol. Period. I had a pretty good run - two years and then some starting in January of 2020. Unfortunately, I lost (let go of!) the thread in March of this year and landed in the hospital. The entire first week I was there, I was not at all there, if you know what I mean. I experienced dementia, and they weren't sure I would come out of it. Selfishly, I think that's sort of what I was seeking - oblivion, right? But when I came out of it, I was horrified by what my family had gone through during the time I was lost in space. I didn't know, but they did. Awful.
So I'm back at it again, this mantra, "I never drink now (because it's always now, and I can do anything for just a moment)." I'm sorry to say that I still have that tug toward drinking on a semi-regular basis, but I'm also happy to report that it gets less bothersome with practice. I figure my addicted brain is a toddler, and it can be expected to throw a temper tantrum from time to time. If I need to be the one throwing the tantrum, better that than to indulge the addict within.
Stick around, tell us how it goes with you. Believe me, we get it.
O
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Tricia - It's wonderful to have you join us. I was a lot like you when I first came here. I knew alcohol was ruining my life - but I also couldn't imagine never drinking again. I mostly remembered only the good times - and hoped I'd somehow be able to be a social drinker. In my heart, I knew that wasn't possible. One drink always led to being drunk & reckless.
The best thing about SR for me has been not feeling alone. I had no one among my friends or family who truly understood what I went through. People would say things like - 'well just drink less - have one or two'. It took me a while to admit I was only safe if I didn't drink at all. It was a bit rough in the early days, but I gradually grew to love my new life - one without regret, guilt, chaos, etc. I hope you'll stay with us.
The best thing about SR for me has been not feeling alone. I had no one among my friends or family who truly understood what I went through. People would say things like - 'well just drink less - have one or two'. It took me a while to admit I was only safe if I didn't drink at all. It was a bit rough in the early days, but I gradually grew to love my new life - one without regret, guilt, chaos, etc. I hope you'll stay with us.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Welcome Trish 
I destroyed myself on beer and cheap wine so don’t believe that voice that says maybe just hard liquor is the problem….it’s not.
Alcohol is alcohol.
once we accept that I think our choice is clear?
D
I destroyed myself on beer and cheap wine so don’t believe that voice that says maybe just hard liquor is the problem….it’s not.
Alcohol is alcohol.
once we accept that I think our choice is clear?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
After decades of research, along with heaps of failures, I can only conclude that consumption of the poison alcohol has nothing going for it.
Still, I am aware that the A.V. is ever out there so I reinforce the sane messages of sobriety on a daily basis.
Currently I am winning the battle and that of course is my ultimate goal..
Still, I am aware that the A.V. is ever out there so I reinforce the sane messages of sobriety on a daily basis.
Currently I am winning the battle and that of course is my ultimate goal..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Welcome to SR, and your name says it all! Until I stopped drinking, my life was spinning out of control, I had to accept that alcohol in any form held no value or benefit for me. It took a long time to come to that conclusion, and this place played a vital role in my journey, and always will. I hope you stay close, read the boards and get to know us, we want to help.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by WanttobeAF 
Alcohol has been the reason for most of the problems in my life but also some fun times.
I had been drinking for approximately 35 years, just like you, and there were some fun times, but that was in the beginning. As my alcoholism progressed, eventually there were no fun times, just some drunken episodes that I tried to pass off as fun, and all of it took on a nightmarish quality... Not fun.
Originally Posted by WanttobeAF
I know the reasons that I drink and the list is long so actually I don’t even need a reason, lol. This is a vicious cycle that I can’t seem to get out of. Any suggestions or thoughts or just to know I’m not alone are welcome.
So how do you change your behavior? The answer is simple, but the process obviously is hard. It starts off with a week of hanging onto your chair, or better yet, finding ways to distract yourself from a few days of unrelenting cravings. These will pass, and it's good that they do, because it would be impossible to live the rest of your life craving a drink like that.
Once through the cravings, you are still not out of the woods, but have to get used to the idea that you will no longer pick up a drink. Unlike the behavior change, this is going to take a lot of thought, reflection, and vigilance. It will require planning on how to avoid trigger situations. For me, the cravings were the worst, but the stuff afterwards was where we learn to live like a normal person (but without any alcohol in our lives, of course).
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
due to a series of unfortunate events
Trish, you absolutely can quit. Don't pick up that first drink, that's the one that causes the trouble for us. One leads to 20, right?
There was a guy in AA meetings who told the story every meeting, "If a train is coming down the track at you - it's not the caboose that causes the problem. The engine car kills you."
Engine car = First drink.
Are you still with us today?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 243
I use to drink anything and everything. Then I decided I would just drink beer 4 or 5 percent. Then I started going to the store and buying one or two beers. Hoping that I would not drive back to get more. That has been going on a few years or more.
It does not work. Where I live we have bars, stores and brewery's close by. Within a mile. We go out to eat at least a few times a week. Almost all places serve beer. After beers sometimes I will find something my wife bought for a gift etc. Because now it’s to late. It’s the first beer. We are alcoholics.
I have quit relapsed so many times in the past 5 years I lost count. It’s over a dozen. None of it works except quitting.
My family hates it because I will start off fine with the first 5 or 6 and maybe be ok for a while. But then I will pass out at 8 PM or say something dumb to someone. Or just they can see it’s killing me. You smell bad, you don’t keep up with things like you should. You forget things.
You run out of chance eventually. With your health, your relationships. Your budget. I spent so money on so much crap I don’t need it’s crazy. When I was drinking of course. I still have a car I really don’t want or need in my garage. That I paid way to much for because I was drunk and did not have it checked out.
Good luck. That is my experience trying to cut back to only beer. Has never worked. Only thing has worked is the days I did not drink.
It does not work. Where I live we have bars, stores and brewery's close by. Within a mile. We go out to eat at least a few times a week. Almost all places serve beer. After beers sometimes I will find something my wife bought for a gift etc. Because now it’s to late. It’s the first beer. We are alcoholics.
I have quit relapsed so many times in the past 5 years I lost count. It’s over a dozen. None of it works except quitting.
My family hates it because I will start off fine with the first 5 or 6 and maybe be ok for a while. But then I will pass out at 8 PM or say something dumb to someone. Or just they can see it’s killing me. You smell bad, you don’t keep up with things like you should. You forget things.
You run out of chance eventually. With your health, your relationships. Your budget. I spent so money on so much crap I don’t need it’s crazy. When I was drinking of course. I still have a car I really don’t want or need in my garage. That I paid way to much for because I was drunk and did not have it checked out.
Good luck. That is my experience trying to cut back to only beer. Has never worked. Only thing has worked is the days I did not drink.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
I could not stay sober till I fully committed to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The following quote from the Big Book came to mind while reading your post:
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 109
Don't make this more complicated than it needs to be. Clearly, alcohol is harming your life in a significant way. You will be much better off without it. Don't let the alcoholic in you try to trick you into thinking otherwise.
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