sharkattack

I think that whatever it is in the conscious mind that wants to drink is the same element in the conscious mind that fights to stop. They're exactly the same but just wearing different clothes. They're both groping after the same thing. It's all about wanting happiness, but it's only our current idea of happiness. That search for happiness is futile and is the root of our problems. We create a paradise in our imagination and then spend our lives striving for this fiction in endless different ways. We can exchange one longing for another but it's the same force driving it and it will never be satisfied. I believe we have to cut this need off at the source. I'm struggling with this at the moment. I think willpower is pointless. Whatever kind of pain that makes me want to drink will still exist when I give it up. Unless I can remove whatever it is at the source then I'll just spend all of my life in constant need for diversion.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't fallen in with this line of thinking. Never mind I just wanted to say something. I'm in a bit of a state though. I'm on my own and I think too much maybe. I'm posting here but I think I know the answer to my problem. I wrote this and then thought how this is no use to anyone, but even so I'm posting it.

Dee74

Hi Sharkattack

I think what I was looking for was relief from pain rather than happiness but I appreciate your perspective.

I found true happiness when I gave up the drink. It’s not permanent bliss or paradise but it is a joy and a peace thats become my default.

The pain and the problems were still there after I quit, sure, but I regained the ability to deal with them, rather than running away into a bottle

I have no doubt you can too - it’s not instantaneous but it will happen

kes

Hu SA,
The human condition is to avoid pain and seek pleasure. When it was pleasurable I drank, when drinking became painful and misery, the human condition kicked in and said you gotta stop this cos it hurts. That's the way I see it. It's kind of a dual effect in that there was no pleasure at all but moreover, it was hurting and causing me pain and suffering. The logic or human condition, said stop. This aind good anymore
I hope this makes sense? It sort of does to me

mns1

I don't think this post is useless sharkattack. I actually found it interesting. I tend to "think too much" about things myself. The first thing I thought of reading your post is a profound insight I've learned through meditation. And that is that happiness and contentment can be found in every moment, and one way to see this is by surrendering the romantic ideas of happiness many of us have in our minds. And I must say, this is way easier to do with a clear, sober mind.

Colin1

I think the idea that we all ultimately strive for happiness is correct and that this can be a very helpful tool to get out of addiction.

When I started to drink it made me happy, but because I drank too much too often I became addicted. After a while the addiction made me unhappy. Eventually I came to realize that in order for me to be happier again I had to leave the instant gratification behind and stop drinking for good. I never could quit for too long because I should, or I had to, or even because I would die if I didn't. Ya, it took me a while to come to this point and it was not easy, but I am now a lot happier than I ever was when I was addicted.

You make some really good points here Shark. For me willpower and a few other more minor tools were important the first couple of weeks. Then it changed and I started to focus more on staying quit. I made the RR decision to never drink again and added a couple of other little tools. After about six weeks, when the alcoholic daze lifted a bit more I started to work more on changes to myself that I felt were important for my mental health and to help me stay quit longer term. It was after about 5 months that the happiness concept became more significant to me. It's been an interesting journey so far

In my opinion trying to figure out and deal with a root cause(s) for drinking too early is not ideal. I know it wouldn't have helped me. I had to get past the worst of the addiction first so I could think clearer.

It's all good . I think a lot of us go through similar thoughts as we work through this stuff. Sometimes just writing it down helps. I was on my own too the first first 4 months when I quit which was good for me because I was able to put a lot of time and energy into quitting. Post any time you feel like it, and hang in there, you can do this!

Canadian Koala

I like this a lot and I think it goes well with what Sharkattack was saying, thanks Kes
I'm glad the pain and misery provided by alcohol are out of my life.
Keep posting Sharkattack

MrPL

Hi sharkattack,

Your point has logic and reason. The problem is, addiction doesn’t have either.

At the start you are correct, we do things to chase happiness, including drinking, and it’s always a gamble, somethings will give us exactly that, others won’t.

Drinking is a tricky one.

FOR THOSE WHO CAN CONTROL IT, it might enhance happiness, make some moments more enjoyable, and they can rationally make the assessment and choose to drink/not drink

FOR US ALCOHOLICS it’s a different story. Ultimately, we drink because we drink. We justify it with happiness, with hiding pain, relieving stress, but really there’s no logic to it. In other words, the alcoholic will drink for relief when things are bad, and to celebrate when things are good.

The first and foremost thing for me, then becomes convincing ourselves that, regardless of circumstances, we just don’t drink, ever.

This will allow us to then look for the things that truly make us happy, opposed to chasing alcohol at all
costs.

Anyway, this is my view, hope it helps somehow.

Mizz

"Happiness is not found in a tranquil life free of storms and tempests. Real Happiness is found in the struggles we undergo to realize our goals" - Ikeda Sensei.

I know unhappiness. I also know happiness. What it took for me to become happy was real hard work. Removing an addiction and learning to live free of said addiction. Actualizing dreams and realizing goals. Getting my head on straight and continually reaching for a higher life state. Living in a higher life state. All of this is obtainable. I wouldn't throw happiness out the window yet. Its yours for the building, taking, and for living.

Yes, the pain there that makes a person want to drink is also there when the drink is removed. Working through and finding solutions to that pain is the goal. Finding ways of letting go, moving forward, and turning poison into medicine. We can do hard things here. We can overcome and conquer.

I dont think you will spend your life in constant diversion, unless you want to spend your life in constant diversion.
We truly are the main character of our lives. You get to choose your own adventure.

Happiness is not futile. At least this is my experience.

sharkattack

Hello everybody and thanks to everyone who responded to my post. But I just keep going off on drinking bouts so not responding to the intelligent and supportive comments I've received on here.
What happens is that I'll be happy and sober with no problems - no difficulties whatsoever- and then the dark clouds of alcohol obsession will gather above me.
During longer sober periods I can even experience bafflement about those with drink/drug problems - "why can't they see the pointlessness of what they're doing?" without relating it to myself. I'm that distanced from reality.
I'm sober now, my last drink was Wednesday.
Today I woke up feeling good but then disaster - the pepper mill broke. I'm serious, this tiny little incident started a chain of reasoning that's now led to me wanting to buy alcohol. Ludicrous. That's how fragile my sobriety is. But you know all this.
Yes, the pepper mill incident. We've all got our pepper mills or equivalent thereof; just pointless excuses to jump on the obsession bus. We have to watch out for them.
Have a nice sober day everyone.

Nonsensical

There are different forms of happiness. I spent decades chasing immediate pleasure at the cost of long-term joy.
Ultimately, that price became too high for me.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.

mns1

A key for me sharkattack has been learning to stop that chain of reasoning dead in its tracks. I used go down that rabbit hole all the time. I've learned that that voice in my mind will rear it's abhorrent head at the most unexpected moments. It will manipulate, spin, and twist things around in a way that makes it sound logical to drink. It's a despicable, insidious little snake that will do anything to get you to give it what it wants. You need to be mindful and vigilant so that you can recognize it for what it is and see right through its lies.

sharkattack

Wonderful writing and expresses exactly what I think. To live it isn't so easy.

Mizz

My mind found any and every reason to drink. My mind also got angry when I did not give it alcohol. It would throw giant fits in the form of anxiety attacks, latching onto anything and everything it could. I was dealing with a toddler for quite awhile. Eventually, and we are talking a very long time after quitting, the thoughts of drinking, mental tantrums and the anxiety abated. It took a lot of work. Rome was not built in a day. Chop wood and carry water until you feel better. When you feel better, keep chopping wood and carrying water. You are doing this!

Dee74

Hey sharkattack

I had to stop resigning myself to continued drinking.
I had many pepper mill days that I used as reason to drink.

I feared I might be someone who could never quit.

So yes, it was hard - definitely one of the hardest things I had to do - but I did it, with the help of the SR community.
We all know how hard it is but we also know it can be done

Trust us

D

RAL

Thanks for starting this thread shark. Some great responses which are really helpful for me and hopefully you too