KTB5000

I am having some strong cravings this evening....I want to take the decision off the table entirely, but it's so easy to go out and pick myself back up; that is my disease talking

It's telling me, that it is so easy to have one good time, but in reality, the cycle would start over and then I would be in constant struggle with cravings, feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I would be engulfed with an obsession to hide it from everyone around me, when the only person I really want to hide from is myself.

Would it be worth it? I don't think so. I'm not entirely convinced because I have no idea what life would be like without it; its all I've known. Chronic-relapser here.

Anger and fear are my triggers, still learning how to cope with these feelings and thoughts.

Kaptn

Those get me too. Sending hugs and positive MOJO your way.

Dee74

Stay strong KTB - I really believe the road to change lies in doing something differently...finding new positive ways of dealing with things like fear and anger are worth their weight in gold.

D

brighterday1234

Anger and fear are part of the human existence. Staying sober requires one to work through and let these emotions pass naturally. The rewards are great; emotional growth. If you drink then you will emotionally stagnate and likely compound your problems which will create more anger and fear.

Recovery is all about living life on life’s terms and having a recovery program which can allow you to navigate life whilst staying sane 🙏

fishkiller

Well you Know life With alcohol is not fun anymore so why not hold on and see what life without it is about?
I can assure as someone who stayed high for 30 plus years this sober thing is WAY better.
Life is good .
I still have fear and I definitely still get angry but having the tools to work through that and stay sober has improved my life 1000%.
Don't take my word for it though. Give it a try yourself.

KTB5000

Thank you for your comments. I have 4 months sober today. 5 years ago, I had 6 months and went back out. I've never heard anyone say they relapsed and had a great time. The last 5 years was a living nightmare and nearly killed me. I have no desire to drink or ingest mood altering substances right now. Some days are tougher than others. I'll get through this and hopefully be able to help someone else one day.

DriGuy

I hope you catch the train this time around.

Anna

KTB, I think you will be much more able to cope with the anger and fear when you are in recovery. Those emotions are pretty common in early recovery, but you can learn to manage them.

nez

You are already doing both. You are getting through this and you are helping others. Just keep repeating the behavior. Over and over again. Amazing things will happen!

kes

Hi KTB,

The title of your post says it all. That what taking a drink leads to and you clearly know it. Be strong and distract yourself, even if it's washing up or ironing. Anything but taking the first slurp of poison. It's so tough pal, I know. If I set off to the shop to buy a drink, I hope and pray I'd get hit by a bus rather than have to go through it all again. That's not an option as I don't have another recovery in me.
Stay strong as a grizzly and wise as an owl KTB and listen to every word of support from every post. We're all supporting you. ATB



1 Anyth

Dee74

Well done on 4 months KTB

D

mns1

Congrats on 4 months KTB.

KTB5000

Thank you everyone for your words of support. Everything is still new and raw. Learning how to enjoy myself and feeling the goodness. I'm actually 5 months and 2 days today. I use an app to keep track and didn't realized I blipped on that. Sober date: March 26th 2022

And yes, I am to stay on this train, lest I get ran over by one. Enjoy the ride, one day at a time. ❤️

Evoo

Great post! The cravings make sense at this stage, but you've got your AV identified and under control... one hard part is finding new tools for dealing with those thoughts and feelings when chemically "shutting off" your brain is no longer an option (personally I like hitting the gym or cooking a big meal).

I also like to remind myself that alcohol does a ****-poor job of helping with fear/anxiety etc... by the time the brief anesthetizing effect wears off, the anxiety/cravings/fear are even worse than they were before! Requiring more alcohol... play back the tape.

Keep it up, you're doing great .