VikingGF

I’ve come to realize that my life right now truly is not about “not drinking” but now is about living sober. (Excuse my double negative but it’s the best description.) During a trip to stay with friends, there was no effort involved regarding steering clear of alcohol, it was (and is right now) available and all around me and it may as well be black licorice (bleck!!!) Is this bad? There was a comment here that lack of AV struggle is a sign of not “working” on sobriety, am I sublimating? In avoidance? In 11 months of sobriety, I certainly am experiencing new levels of self-awareness and I sit with my thoughts frequently,k measure my responses to people and situations and try so hard to do the next right thing. I’m thinking about how to improve my life, have made steps toward accomplishing this. I come here and post daily. I know I can stumble because I am fallible, but I am no longer consumed by those thoughts. Is my AV just laying in wait or is this real progress? How do I tell the difference? That comment keeps bouncing around and it is concerning. I’m afraid to feel confident, but I don’t want to go the other direction toward paranoia.

Dee74

I cant remember seeing the post referred to but it doesn't matter

I live a life largely devoid of AV.
It might raise a faint whisper in the dead of night if I am very sick or sore, for example, but they always go by morning.

Thats happened once or twice in 15 years.

Those times are not the life or death craving ordeals of yesteryear...I bat the ideas away...they simply reminders that you cant get complacent with this stuff.

advbike

When I previously had LT sobriety, I had no AV after about 6-12 months - just didn't think about it much, despite all kinds of adventures, living abroad, etc. However I completely stopped logging in here and got wound up over some other things and eventually drank ro relieve the emotional stress. My complacency did create the conditions for my relapse after 3+ years, so I think its important for some of us to continue to stay engaged with a program. I'd say you're doing plenty. Keep up the good work.

calmself

I am a little bit over 8 months sober now. AV still raises its weak head now and then especially if there s work related nonsense. But I have learned not to engage with it at all. Just distract myself with walk or food or TV and it goes away. That AV is nothing but the weakened neural networks that are trying to keep themselves alive. Only time can dismantle them.

Steely

I think it's great you have no AV and are working on 'living sober' Viking. It's the same for me.

Living sober is the step that extinguishes AV. They are incompatible.

Always conscious though.

Patcha

I have 12 months. I don't think about drinking. The AV is very distant and I don't think about it. I'm prepared for it to resurface, but it's not an immediate danger. I don't think about a lot of things very much, and alcohol is so far one of those things I just don't think about.

AL48

Im 19 months in and as far as the AV goes it's not around that much. I can easily go to the supermarket and not avoid the alcohol aisle, be around people having a drink, i thought this summer holiday would be a challenge but its fine and im having no problems. The difference now is im switched on and i would leave if i felt uncomfortable in any way.

MrPL

Interesting point!

I think the “risk of no AV” thing is getting complacent.

I had an issue with this when I was 18 months sober. I hadn’t really been tempted by alcohol for a while, was focusing on sober living, but somehow convinced myself I’d be able to manage drinking sensibly. Of course, that was not the case.

My lesson from that is the AV is always there, we are alcoholics, and always will be, so apart from enjoying a sober life, we need to remember to stay sober regardless of life’s circumstances (sober life will suck sometimes too). The second we forget that, AV will find a way in.

But….. I don’t think “arguing” with AV is a good thing. This implies there’s something to argue about, meaning drinking is a possibility.

I think this place where you are now is a decision to not engage in the argument (which is where I am too), and it brings this feeling that alcohol doesn’t really exist.

So I wouldn’t worry about not struggling with AV, I’m surely loving it myself, as long as you understand it’s still in there somewhere and it could appear again anytime if you let it happen.

Nonsensical

Enjoy your freedom.
If that Old Rascal comes prowling around again, be ready.

VikingGF

The post was about AV shifting. Perhaps I misinterpreted it, I will try to locate it and post it.

Thanks so much for the comments, I feel more confident that I’m heading forward in a solid manner. Since avoidance has been a frequent yet ineffective “strategy” in my past, I needed a reality check. Grateful for this place, once again.

fishkiller

No AV to me = FREEDOM

Enjoy it. You've earned it.

Always be prepared of course but if it ain't there don't look for it.

DriGuy

I don't think that can be a blanket statement. There is some truth in it depending on context. My AV pops up from time to time, but I don't struggle with it. I laugh at it, not out loud but just an inner laugh at my own stupid thoughts.

We are all fallible, and knowing that puts you on the right path. The AV does recede. Mine is almost not there, but it is never a problem, because I realize my AV is my idiot response. Should you not feel confident? I'm not sure. I feel confident, and become more confident with the passing years. I don't think confidence is something to fear. Stupidity is something to fear, and that's what you should be afraid of. I do stupid things, but when it comes to drinking, I decided long ago that it is something I cannot do. So I don't have to stop and consider whether I'm stupid or fallible in a given situation. I just know that I cannot drink and I never will. It was a promise, but more than that it was a decision, and there is not one doubt in my mind that it was the wrong decision. I have many self doubts, but not about my decision to never drink again. It was a good decision, and nothing has ever happened to make me question that decision.

But keep thinking about it. I'm a big fan of thinking. Just put it in a proper perspective. I can't remember you ever saying anything that made me question your authenticity, commitment, or your understanding of alcoholism and how it can affect you. I don't see relapse in your future, but I'm not clairvoyant. I just think you're a really good bet.

Radix

I think it comes down to what you have confidence in.

Feeling confident that you can avoid drinking is fine and healthy.

Feeling confident that you can manage drinking is the AV talking to you.

biminiblue

Humans are very very good at holding two opposing thoughts at once. It's kind of what we do.

If you go to bed sober tonight you've done it right.

All the jabbering of the little thoughts about 10,000 things is just that. Jabbering. To me the goal is to not judge my thoughts. They are random firings of neurons. The connections get weaker. Good wolf bad wolf and all that.

Like DriGuy, I see it as a decision I made sort of like I decided not to steal from Krogers. I'm not going to suddenly change my mind. BUT, I agree that it's important to me to recommit to that every day. I do that by coming here.

Mizz

I don't have the AV any longer. I cant remember the last time I even heard that voice saying to me "WINE!" I dont crave alcohol. I dont want to drink alcohol. Alcohol is around me and at times I feel "triggered" but Im not "triggered" to drink alcohol. Im "triggered" with emotions. Like, irritation, or slight annoyance, or mild anger.

I think the absence of this voice is wonderful. It doesnt mean anything unless YOU think it means something. People have all sorts of opinions with everything under the sun. What matters is what you think of your recovery, and how you are living your life in recovery. Your opinion of the absence of the AV is what truly matters. I don't see that you are on the brink of disaster here. I think you know yourself and I think you can trust yourself.

I engage in some form of recovery every day. Its just what has worked. Participation here in some form keeps me focused on the lifelong goal of recovery from active alcoholism.

VikingGF

Many thanks, DriGuy. This means quite a bit to me.

VikingGF

Thanks so much for these wise words, SR family.

I was mostly concerned with how good I feel and how solid- but never cured, never able to drink, and happy to make the choice to be sober- and I think I just needed to be told I'm doing ok. I sure think I am, but so many years of letting myself down is a bit hard to overcome. I even like me now, and that's still kind of weird.

I appreciate the hand.

Dee74

You are doing more than OK

D

RunningScared

Yes you are.

Free2bme888

Yes Ma’am !

You are doing great.

I beat my addiction to nicotine almost 35 years ago, coming up 10/31.

I NEVER get the urge to have a cig. NEVER. But I know, without a doubt, if I choked down one, I’d be RIGHT back. My misery awaits if I want a refund on my freedom from that.

Applying that same knowledge now with regards to alcohol ingestion and urges, and hope for complete or almost absent (like Dee) AV years from now keeps me confident that the same will occur with this addiction.