ImNotThatGuy

Ugh... I don't know where to start or what to say. I really hope this is the bottom because I can't imagine much worse.

I'm tired of being a drunk. It makes me do and say the dumbest things. It takes so much from me -- people, time, money, health (mental, spiritual and emotional) -- but it still manages to hook me back in every time. Sometimes it is a thief in the night, taking things without my noticing. Other times it hits me over the head and just takes what it wants. I hate alcohol so much, but it keeps getting its hooks into me. That's what I feel like: a fish on a hook, totally at the mercy of the fisherman. That bottle might as well be a shiny lure and I a dumb bass.

This time I'm going to do AA full-bore and work all the steps. I will do anything it takes to get sober and stay sober because I like myself when I'm sober, and I hate myself when I'm drunk.

If you're the praying type, feel free to send one up for me. If not, I understand. It just feels like some kind of divine intervention is the only thing that can save me.

Thanks for reading. Any words of advice, even stern ones, are welcomed.

RunningScared

Been there, done that. I finally got disgusted enough that it motivated me to quit. You can do this! It sounds like AA is a good plan.

Dee74

I wondered where you were and I'm glad you made it back INTG.
AA sounds good - hope is good but we make our own success, man - work at it - stay at it,

do something different this time.

D

Tetrax

I feel ya bro.

fishkiller

You can do it.
But YOU have to do it.
The bottom is not reached until we stop drinking. Keep drinking and the bottom keeps dropping lower and lower.

Since you are ready to do Whatever It Takes start with this one simple rule: Do Not Drink No Matter What

AA is awesome. I have met folks who have had success with it. It is not a guarantee though. YOU gotta do the work. YOU gotta stay sober. YOU gotta commit to not drinking.

I know you can do it because I and many many others have.
The one thing ALL of us recovering addicts have in common is we committed fully to living a sober life. Quitting alcohol was necessary to begin but the Work is necessary to live a sober life.

First thing I had to do was break the cycle and change my routine. Recognize my AV and deny it head space and commit to not drinking just for today.

SR has been my main source of inspiration and support. I hope you continue to come here and at least read others stories. We have so much in common even though we are so different.

Mizz

For most of us sobriety was not linear. Starts and stops with more starts and stops. I went back to drinking alcohol so many times.

Got lost in wine. Resurfaced to sobriety. Relapsed. Resurfaced to sobriety. Relapsed. It was a really destructive cycle.

There is hope. We have the power to change our lives. Do whatever it is you have to do to make this change permanent. Its not easy, as you know. The one thing that got me out of my relapse cycle was structure. Every single hour was accounted for. Every hour involved something that kept me away from alcohol. Rinse and repeat this structure until I got stable. It changed my life. You can change, and you can be happy, stable, functioning at the highest levels. It is 100% rewarding.

Rooting for you!

DriGuy

I'm not a praying man, but I am truly hoping you get this, and that you know that I'm thinking about you, and I would never advise anyone against AA. It has helped many. It's about finding something that works. That is priority one. There are common threads of recovery that transcend all methods. They all begin and end with you, and they all require a change. You make the change. I'm a believer that change plays a bigger role than thought. But that was just me. It was like finding the shortcut that I didn't know existed. I just had to quit.

Radix

What finally motivated me to stop for good was shame, really: realizing that all the things that I did when I was drinking had nothing in common with the values that I thought I held as a person.

I liked to think of myself as being honest, dependable, generous, empathic, helpful, and yet alcohol led me to betray every one of those things, every single day.

That made the temporary discomfort of getting sober actually feel like freedom, like an investment that paid off. The reward was that I could be more like the person I liked to think I was. I gave up a ton of stuff I didn't really like all that much (dishonesty, sneaking around, subterfuge, self-centeredness, time wasting) and gained a lot more. It was definitely worth the trade.

Purplrks3647

I had lots of day ones and it was super discouraging….I didn’t think I’d be able to “get it”…but I stayed close to SR and then someone suggested to me “The Alcohol Experiment” by Annie Grace…that really helped me a lot too. SMART Online Recovery has been helpful as well…just a couple suggestions. Don’t give up!

VikingGF

Realizing the all the beliefs I had previously held about alcohol, that it helped, relieved stress, made me more relaxed or more fun, once I realized they were all lies, my drinking was over. There is nothing left in it, nothing good about it, it is literal poison and it was the root of most of my troubles. I used SR as my only support, and I come here every day.

You can do this, you can have your last day 1 - do whatever you have to to not drink. AA sounds like a great idea, lots of people have had success with it. Best to you, keep coming back.

biminiblue

Prayer sent.

The day I quit drinking was after a night of too much drinking. It's not like I hadn't been hungover a thousand times. The hangover itself wasn't stopping me. All the other "side-effects" you described weren't stopping me.

That morning I happened to actually fall out of bed and onto my knees - literally. As I was kneeling there, sort of stunned and ashamed I cried out, "Help me!!!!!"

I haven't had a drink since. That was in March of 2014. Divine Intervention? I like to think it was. I did go to AA for a few months for various reasons. It helped in a lot of ways.

Say the prayer for yourself and believe it has been answered. Then use your own Free Will to stop having that first drink.

ImNotThatGuy

Thank you so much, everyone. Two days is not much, but it's a start.

fishkiller

Two Days is more than it sounds like.
2 Days of winning the battle against the addiction is awesome!
I hadn't strung together 2 days more than a few times in 30 years and those were usually because I had alcohol poisoning so they don't count.

Stick around, read, post, whatever it takes

fishkiller

I like the fish analogy.
However I have had a many fish hooked and I thought were caught but they somehow manage to spit the hook and swim away.

Shake your head and spit the hook. Live to swim another day

VikingGF

Two days is a day away from one! That’s the right direction, good work.

Steely

No, you are not that guy any longer INTG. You are sober, and moving forward each and every day.

I don't go to aa any longer, but when I did it helped a lot. Being around others who know what you are going through cannot be underestimated. Coming here, helps in the same way.

Two days is awesome. Keep moving forward. It's the best direction ever.

brighterday1234

Stay sober one day at a time 🙏

Worried14

2 days is great INTG, you're in early recovery, keep going.
This is a really great thread, it's helped me aswell.

I'll pray for you INTG

Bethany57

Prayers for you INTG. You are very articulate and describe alcohol to a "T" Thank you for a post as a reminder what Alcohol steals...yes a thief. You can do this. I predict in a few months that you will change your name to "I AM THAT GUY"....yes the one who is sober. Again - sending prayers.

biminiblue

All any of us have is today.

My main goal in early sobriety was: Get head on pillow sober.

If I did that I figured I had gotten the day right. Nothing else mattered. (Well, food and water. That's pretty important. )