Hevyn

...but you're not going to, Thrill. 90 days - how wonderful.

AJ143143

I love this thread. It is honest and real and long and it totally inspired me. Thank you Thrill and everyone else who wrote on it

Thrillhou

If it wasn't football season I'd probably go back on the sauce.

JamesW

I feel that way too at times, but I remind myself that I was utterly miserable drinking. I remember it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows for you too Thrill. Todays 90 days, right? stay safe Mate.

Hevyn

James is right, Thrill - there's nothing to be gained by picking up again. We have all learned that by now.

Thrillhou

I won't be doing anything for the rest of my life except working at stores. I could potentially live for quite a while longer but it'd be mostly meaningless.

Dee74

There's nothing stopping you from building the life you want TH.

D

Hodd

… and our jobs don’t define who we are, TH. I’m always way more interested to hear what people enjoy doing outside of work. Now you’ve stopped drinking, no reason why you can’t do anything you want. Any plans to replace your former drinking time with a new hobby or activity?

Thrillhou

I have been eligible for the 90 day coin for a couple days but haven't announced it/gotten it yet. I don't want to do a speech. Also I feel like when I wear the Darkthrone shirt to meetings people think I'm a Satanist and a wacko. I'm so sorry for not liking boring overrated butt rock crap like Guns N Roses and Nirvana and whatnot.

JamesW

Maybe just ask for your 90 day coin at the end of the meeting, just say you don't want to make a speech. Hope all is well with you today.

Thrillhou

I want to drink. I guess that stupid boring book was right. Still rather risk relapsing than read that damn thing anymore though.

JamesW

Perhaps you could step back from AA, just use it when you feel the need. Are there other meetings you could go to besides Mainstreeters, somewhere with a less stifling vibe.

Hevyn

Where has it led to in the past, Thrill? Nowhere good. We know better now.

Thrillhou

I can't really drink anyway because I'm on a bunch of stupid medications where you can't drink. I might just wait until the season is over.

JamesW

Hope all is well with you Thrill (+Nermal has settled in - baby budgies can be VERY boisterous)

Thrillhou

The birds are doing well. I am not that great. I haven't drank yet. 99% of commercials are horrible. Insurance company commercials and phone/phone company commercials are the worst offenders.

Tanky

Hey thrill, I am in AA. And confession time. I don’t read the book.

I mean I have read it , n all. But I don’t read it all the time. Well okay, basically ever.😂. I also don’t intend to do the steps over and over. Did them once. Was good. Spiritual awakening et al. But don’t feel need to do again and again. Just don’t get that.

The book just doesn’t do it for me the way it seems to for some. So I just don’t go to meetings where people are big book thumpers. I just hang out in meetings where I hear stuff that I need to hear. I follow suggestions , but I don’t do stuff that feels constantly wrong and makes me feel bad.

The way you run your program is your business.

as someone else said here if it’s not working for you, then change it up. Find a different meeting. One where you would be proud to walk up and accept a 90 day chip and folk who love you and have your back would applaud.

Thrillhou

Whenever I have a job I relapse. Whenever I'm sober I'm not working. I either have to work and drink myself to death or be poor and sober.

Dee74

You can find a middle ground TH - work and stay sober - a lot of people do, so it's not beyond you.

D

sugarbear1

Why do you want to drink so badly? Seriously? Oblivion? Is it worth it?? I don't think it is. It took me almost 25 years to get and stay stopped. Those 12 steps saved my life, but before them, life sucked badly. Today, I choose to work as a nanny at 55 hours work for one week, taking care of other peoples' kids and washing bums and dishes. I have a master's degree. I just don't play well with others, I guess.

Back to you, Why do you want to drink? I mean, is it going to help you for more than a day or are you just going to do what I'd do if I were in your shoes and that would be drinking myself to death.

I met Mary at work years ago, We became good friends and drinking buddies. We also found we both loved cocaine. I finally worked on stopping the cocaine (by using weed) and continued drinking and Mary and I lost touch with each other. She was always concerned that I might be an acoholic. I never thought she might be one.

When I got sober, I looked for her, but couldn't find her on social media, etc. I happened to be at an AA meeting one day and ran into another old party friend and found out that while I was getting and staying stopped in May of 2011, Mary was in the last stages of alcoholism and was in the hospital as each of her organs failed and she died of alcoholism in July 2011.

If you don't want to hear the big book, find a different meeting or even something like Men for Sobriety or Life Ring? Have you worked those steps? Helped someone else?

Create your own program of recovery, maybe? Do something, but just don't drink and get through today.

p.s. It just sounds like you are rationalizing drinking with each sentence you write and it reminds me of how I used to be when I was still drinking.