Back on Track
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,002
If not following a one size fits all approach to sobriety makes you a dry drunk, TH, then so be it. Embrace that. Seems I’ve been a dry drunk for nearly four years, and I quite like it.
As I said before, you’ve done the hard work, TH. I can’t dismiss AA outright, but in your case, I’d say you’re better off without them.
As I said before, you’ve done the hard work, TH. I can’t dismiss AA outright, but in your case, I’d say you’re better off without them.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,662
Originally Posted by Thrillhou 
The birds all seem to like each other. He doesn't go on my finger yet. I'm still sober but haven't been doing a lot of 12 step stuff lately. I've decided I'd rather be a "dry drunk" (gasp God forbid) than do that book stuff. Too many crying women at meetings and they are too boring and I'm working now.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,009
Day 83. I'm forced to go to this damn wedding next Saturday. I'd rather swim around in a shark tank wearing a manatee suit. I'd rather place a million dollar bet on the New York Jets winning the Super Bowl. Boring and depressing and yuck. I'm considering getting sick on purpose to avoid going.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,009
Day 87. I can't balance mental health and work. It's always one or the other. I don't think I will relapse any time soon, just going to be a dry drunk. Recovery/AA snobs can continue to lambaste me for doing it wrong. Those people are part of the reason why I left for over a decade. 
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Thrill, first of all you're doing great at 87 days. Keep it up. If I may, I'd like to question your general mindset for a moment...
It seems almost like you view sobriety (and weddings) as a chore that someone is making you do, and that you are somehow letting someone down if you don't go about it a certain way. If AA and similar formats/methods don't feel right to you, then so be it. You are obligated to no one but yourself, and that's assuming you want to stay sober. I tried a few AA meetings in the past and concluded that it just wasn't for me. No big deal. I no longer need to concern myself with what anyone at those meetings thinks of me. But I did meet some really nice people and wish them the best nonetheless.
The important thing is: 1) That you don't drink. And 2) That you develop a way to protect your sobriety that works for YOU.
That's it.
I think everyone here has your back no matter what. Maybe you're in a rough spot mentally, which is pretty normal for early sobriety. But if you truly want things to get better you'll find your way through it. All part of the process my friend.
Keep on keepin' on.
It seems almost like you view sobriety (and weddings) as a chore that someone is making you do, and that you are somehow letting someone down if you don't go about it a certain way. If AA and similar formats/methods don't feel right to you, then so be it. You are obligated to no one but yourself, and that's assuming you want to stay sober. I tried a few AA meetings in the past and concluded that it just wasn't for me. No big deal. I no longer need to concern myself with what anyone at those meetings thinks of me. But I did meet some really nice people and wish them the best nonetheless.
The important thing is: 1) That you don't drink. And 2) That you develop a way to protect your sobriety that works for YOU.
That's it.
I think everyone here has your back no matter what. Maybe you're in a rough spot mentally, which is pretty normal for early sobriety. But if you truly want things to get better you'll find your way through it. All part of the process my friend.
Keep on keepin' on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,009
Originally Posted by mns1
Thrill, first of all you're doing great at 87 days. Keep it up. If I may, I'd like to question your general mindset for a moment...
It seems almost like you view sobriety (and weddings) as a chore that someone is making you do, and that you are somehow letting someone down if you don't go about it a certain way. If AA and similar formats/methods don't feel right to you, then so be it. You are obligated to no one but yourself, and that's assuming you want to stay sober. I tried a few AA meetings in the past and concluded that it just wasn't for me. No big deal. I no longer need to concern myself with what anyone at those meetings thinks of me. But I did meet some really nice people and wish them the best nonetheless.
The important thing is: 1) That you don't drink. And 2) That you develop a way to protect your sobriety that works for YOU.
That's it.
I think everyone here has your back no matter what. Maybe you're in a rough spot mentally, which is pretty normal for early sobriety. But if you truly want things to get better you'll find your way through it. All part of the process my friend.
Keep on keepin' on.
It seems almost like you view sobriety (and weddings) as a chore that someone is making you do, and that you are somehow letting someone down if you don't go about it a certain way. If AA and similar formats/methods don't feel right to you, then so be it. You are obligated to no one but yourself, and that's assuming you want to stay sober. I tried a few AA meetings in the past and concluded that it just wasn't for me. No big deal. I no longer need to concern myself with what anyone at those meetings thinks of me. But I did meet some really nice people and wish them the best nonetheless.
The important thing is: 1) That you don't drink. And 2) That you develop a way to protect your sobriety that works for YOU.
That's it.
I think everyone here has your back no matter what. Maybe you're in a rough spot mentally, which is pretty normal for early sobriety. But if you truly want things to get better you'll find your way through it. All part of the process my friend.
Keep on keepin' on.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,199
Why do you feel sobriety is a chore?
It is definitely work but I don't view it as a chore.
A chore is something that needs doing but we may not want to do it.
Work is something we have to do to get something we want.
Do you feel you have to get sober?
Do you want to be sober?
I think you do or you wouldn't be here.
Do the Work and realize the gift of sobriety and it will become less of a chore and more of a blessing.
The Work can be anything that helps You. I don't do AA or any other one method. I am a student of SR. I take what I want and leave the rest.
It takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. If there is one thing we have is time. It is in limited supply though so spend it wisely.
When I am angry some Sepultura cranked waaayyyy up helps. Slayer works too. Maybe even some Pantera but you get the point.
Crank it up, bang your head and curse the devils ****.
It is definitely work but I don't view it as a chore.
A chore is something that needs doing but we may not want to do it.
Work is something we have to do to get something we want.
Do you feel you have to get sober?
Do you want to be sober?
I think you do or you wouldn't be here.
Do the Work and realize the gift of sobriety and it will become less of a chore and more of a blessing.
The Work can be anything that helps You. I don't do AA or any other one method. I am a student of SR. I take what I want and leave the rest.
It takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. If there is one thing we have is time. It is in limited supply though so spend it wisely.
When I am angry some Sepultura cranked waaayyyy up helps. Slayer works too. Maybe even some Pantera but you get the point.
Crank it up, bang your head and curse the devils ****.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,009
Sobriety in and of itself isn't a chore, just the AA work. I don't like the idea of having to read that book over and over and over again for the rest of my life. I don't like being forbidden to be upset or angry ever again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,199
I gotcha
Maybe the AV is telling AA sucks?
I think sometimes what bugs us the most tells us something about ourselves
Maybe not
I do not go to AA. I think, from my understanding of the steps, I have probably been through most of them in some way just doing the Work on my own.
it's good you are bringing it up. You'll figure it out. If not you know what to do. Come here.
Maybe the AV is telling AA sucks?
I think sometimes what bugs us the most tells us something about ourselves
Maybe not
I do not go to AA. I think, from my understanding of the steps, I have probably been through most of them in some way just doing the Work on my own.
it's good you are bringing it up. You'll figure it out. If not you know what to do. Come here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,009
I don't have to go to that wedding after all. On Friday I'm eligible for the 90 day chip. Feels like way longer than 90. I can no longer watch King of the Hill because I was binge watching it during my last bender and now the thought of the show gives me PTSD.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,368
Yay on 90!
Hope your mindset is ready to change from I HAVE TO BE SOBER, to I WANT TO NOT ONLY BE SOBER, BUT I WANT TO RECOVER
It makes it so much easier to live when we rearrange our thinking of drinking/not drinking.
For me, I NEVER want another day one. Too much HELL. And, for me, there’s no guarantee I’d even see another day one before the undertaker sees my birthday suit.
Big hugs
Hope your mindset is ready to change from I HAVE TO BE SOBER, to I WANT TO NOT ONLY BE SOBER, BUT I WANT TO RECOVER
It makes it so much easier to live when we rearrange our thinking of drinking/not drinking.
For me, I NEVER want another day one. Too much HELL. And, for me, there’s no guarantee I’d even see another day one before the undertaker sees my birthday suit.
Big hugs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
