Primativo

I will never stop trying to stop drinking once and for all.

I first found this place in 2018 when I had been released from hospital after a 10 day drinking binge where I literally could not stop drinking, because I couldn't face the withdrawels. I got to the stage where I would wake up at 4am, four horsemen in my bedroom, and I'd lay there pleading with myself not to drink today, but then giving in because I was so scared, I'd go downstairs and start drinking wine at 7am. It was a horrible situation to be in, it really was a nightmare.

Well I managed to put together a good few months of sobriety back then, but then I returned to drinking again with my new job and trying to be social, I turned my back on my healthy gym led lifestyle, and thankfully whilst I have never returned to that low point again, I've got fairly close and my drinking has once again steadily got worse and worse. I have managed a few sober periods over the last few years but never more than a month or a few weeks. Sometimes when I drink I can have a couple and call it a day, othertimes I will drink over two bottles of wine a day and end up on a 4 day binge, drinking for 12 hours a day morning until I pass out.

I've noticed my mental health declining again, and my physical appearance too. The three or four day binges are becoming an almost weekly occurance. My day ones are so bad after a binge that I can't even get out of bed. I literally lay there all day, as time seems to almost stand still. I know I am drinking a hell of a lot of wine, the number of empty bottles there is no hiding from

It's time to get my life back together. I know I can never drink again. Well I can, but I know what it will lead to and I don't want that. I know alcohol will ruin me slowly but surely. I have known since 2018 that I can never really drink again but of course it's everywhere in life it just felt easier to drink, but of course it isn't. People see me have a few drinks after work and don't realise the extent of my problem. It's time to acknoledge my problem, admit I am powerless over alcohol, and that I want and need to do this for me and nobody else.

I have been trying to quit now properly for a few months, but I keep relapsing. This week has been a great week to really make a success of it, I had a week off work so I cancelled all social engagements, I have no plans this weekend. I was supposed to go to a bar tonight, and I just said to myself, no. I'm not going. It's stupid, whilst I had no intention to drink, why put myself in that situation, it's just needless. So a weekend of relaxing it is. I know the first few weeks are difficult but I know the biggest hurdle is always the first weekend. Get through that and I can really get some momentum. All that matters though is I don't drink today, and I'll just do the same again tomorrow. I keep doing that, putting my head on the pillow sober, and the days will soon start adding up. I am coming to the end of Day 5.

Thanks

MLD51

Glad you're back with a renewed commitment. You can do it.

Steely

Welcome back Primativo. I remember you.

I came here about same time as you and relapsed numerous times. I can relate to everything you say, and describe. Like you, I dropped away from SR thinking I was somehow different. I was not, and am so very happy to have returned. Happy too, to know that I am not different. This thinking only kept me trapped.

I'm over 2 years sober now Primativo and highly recommend it. It is a much better life by far.

I hope you continue to post.

Anna

Welcome back, and Day 5 is great. I hope you're starting to feel better. My suggestion for the weekend is to plan ahead and make sure you have things to do that you enjoy.

Primativo

Thanks Steely and congrats on over 2 years I plan to stick around.

Primativo

Thanks Anna, yes, going gym, meeting friends for coffee and walks and lots of movies and Netflix, and not forgetting chocolates and sweets etc All the things I miss out on when I am actively drinking.

Obladi

Welcome back!
I endorse your weekend plan.
Two thumbs up.

tealily

Wow, I could've written this. Congrats to you on 5 days. You are exactly right: just keep doing what you are doing, day after day, and you WILL be successful. One day after another. Just keep stringing them together.

I stopped by to check in here after a long time away, and your post was the first one that grabbed my eye. I'm so glad it did.

This is an amazing place, full of great wisdom from people who have walked the same path. It's what made the difference for me. I learned that all the experiences I was having -- and my responses to them -- are predictable. If you read enought posts here, you start seeing it, the same destructive patterns and mind tricks the alcohol plays with you, over and over. If you start to recognize that in yourself, you can reclaim power and can conquer this.

I too tried, and failed, and tried, and failed, until finally it clicked. I kept going and now I'm 5 years alcohol free as of next month. if you want to read my introductory story here's a link https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rate-stop.html (Wine drinking woman, desperate to stop)
I think you might recognize a lot of it.

The cravings are physical and mental and real. But with time they do GO AWAY. They lose their power. They will keep trying to convince you you're wrong, but your're not. Just keep at it. After 5 years of no drinking my life is so much better in every way. My life, my relationships, my looks my health, my sleep... You can have that too! You're off to a great start!

Hang in there. The people here are wonderful and so wise.

Purplrks3647

Hey Primativo Welcome back!

Dee74

Sounds like a good start Primativo
I had to make changes to my life cos my life was all about drinking and finding reasons to drink.

It was easier once I accepted not drinking as the one and only viable choice.
I feared my life would be lesser for not drinking - but the opposite happened

D

least

Welcome back Primitivo, I remember you too. I'm glad you're trying again, try until you get it.

Tailai

This post jumped out at me. I too could go good stretches of time without drinking only to go back thinking it would be fine. My “thinking” needed to change. From reading your post it looks like that’s happening with you. You are open to the mindset that drinking is not an option. That’s what’s so good about reading here. You can pick up the smallest things that can make all the difference to help you stay sober. I stopped in 2018 after several failed attempts. I so hope it’s 2022 for you.

Robbie64

Welcome back to SR Primativo . Your weekend plan sounds great and well done on 5 days of sobriety.

DriGuy

Hang on to your lifelines, whatever they may be. It was good to decide not to go to a bar. I congratulate you on that, but the fact that it sounded like it was even under consideration, scared me. I don't actually know if you considered it or not. The point is that your life lines are your lines to your life. Really, this is your life we are talking about, and be it a few months or the rest of your life, you have to take this major change seriously. And speaking of major changes, I can't think of anything more important than removing alcohol from the life of an alcoholic. Getting to the beginning of actual recovery may be one of the harder things you will ever do too. I think it takes an attitude of zero tolerance toward experimenting with seeing how much zero tolerance you can ignore. It requires a FULL commitment, not just the good ole college try.

Mizz

You can recover and live a life that is happy and healthy. It is 100% possible. Stay close and post often. This community helped me to save my life and I know it can help you too. Keep on moving forward. You can do this!

Hevyn

It's so good to see you again, Primativo. You know you're in a place where we all understand & care.

I learned a lot from my last binge. I was finally ready to admit I could never be a social drinker. I'd start out having a small amount of control & that emboldened me to keep going. Eventually I was right back in the same miserable state, drinking to excess every day & ruining my life. It became dangerous in the end - I was more reckless than ever & even got a dui. It was quit or possibly lose my life. I was terrified enough to actually stop for good. That was 14 yrs. ago.

We know you can do it, Primativo.

Primativo

Thank you all for the words of encouragement and support. Day 6 coming to an end now, looking forward to smashing day 7.

Hawkeye13

Almost got your first week! Excellent job!

MaximusD

Welcome back! Sounds like you made some wise decisions. I have always said that I will never stop trying as well. If anything you are getting a lot of good sober days in even with relapses, however, we should also remember that in our condition, one more relapse could be our last before we die or kill someone or our life changes dramatically in some other way for the worse. Hang in there!

Pekelover2

Hi there-
I’m new here. But I appreciated your story. Thank you for sharing it and welcome back.