Mizz

Pain is inevitable, ya? Emotional, mental, physical, and sometimes spiritual pain.
Active Alcoholism is very painful. The only way out is to stop using the substance that is causing you pain. Eventually, the sun shines again and we become free from our addiction. We are meant to do hard things. We cannot be defeated. Never surrender and never give up. You can get sober.

Purplrks3647

Welcome Lila! We're glad you're here

Dee74

Welcome Lila
I think many of us can identify. I did not know if I could withstand being sober, but I knew I had to try because drinking would kill me.

You do a day sober, then another then another...it does get easier in time

Support helps too.

We have a support thread for everyone quitting this month. Why not check it out? all you have to do to join is post in the thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-two.html

D

Lila12

Thank you all. I'm very close to suicide

Dee74

I'm sorry you're feeling so low Lila - there are some crisis numbers you can call in this link...some helpful reading too.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html

If you feel like you're a danger to yourself, please think about going to the ER.

I couldn't see anyway out for a long time - but back to that one day at a time thing...get one day sober down, then two, then 3...things will look a lot better a week from now, I promise
D

Alpine

Please seek help if you feel this way. I too , like Dee, thought there was no way out and was struggling so very much. I took one day at a time and came here often for the support, encouragement, insight, the list could go on. I hope for the very best and just hang on, it does get better once you stop. It will be hard, but you are worth it.

DriGuy

One thing to keep in mind is that cravings are not forever. When I first got into recovery, it was a battle, and it looked like if this is all sobriety was going to be, I couldn't see the point. I confided to another alcoholic after my second AA meeting, that I didn't know if I could survive the cravings. What he told me was the first big help I got from another person, and it was a "game changer." He was the expert on quitting, but not in a good way. But he did know all about the craving cycle because he had done it so many times, which is not what we need in recovery, but he did understand cravings. He said, "Yes, it's like that for me too. I go nuts craving for a few days, and eventually a craving is nothing more than a passing thought in the back of my brain."

I needed to hear that because I was on day 6 or 7 of recovery, and consumed by cravings. But he was right. Cravings just become thoughts, annoying at first, but eventually laughable distractions. Now I hardly ever have a craving, and when I do, it's one of those laughable, "What am I thinking?" moments.

DriGuy

I wanted to add, the goal should not be quitting over and over again. Quitting needs to be for good, even when you think you are cured, or you will end up like that expert on quitting guy I mentioned, who eventually drank himself to death. None the less, what he told me was spot on; "Cravings are not forever."

VikingGF

Hey, Lila,
I didn’t say it out loud but I used to hope I would die. My whole world was colored wrong, and I now understand that drinking didn’t allow me to see anything realistically. Please get help if you feel like you might harm yourself, I promise you will feel differently once you stop drinking, and you absolutely can stop. Have faith in your ability to change- and take it minute by minute if you have to. You deserve a good life. You are worth every effort and we are so glad you are here now. Please stay.

Steely

I've felt suicidal too Lila, but please know this....it gets better, it really does. 🌺

Are you drinking at the moment Lila? If so, it really alters your perception about how things really are. Things are not as bad as our mind sometimes tells us. It's the lie of alcohol. Don't fall for it!

Please make contact with one of the crisis lines Dee listed. And keep coming here. We get it, ok!

Big hugs Lila.

aasharon90

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Something I heard yrs. back and one that makes sense.

I was at the end of my rope and with a hand full of pills
all I could think of was wanting to sleep for a long time
just to not feel alone, hurt, angry, etc.

Thank God my family stepped in seeking help for me
and the state of mind I was in.

With a court order, I was placed into the hands of those
capable of teaching me about my addiction to alcohol. A
poison that was running rapid thru my system destroying
my will to live.

Once the alcohol left my system, the fog began to clear
and it was then i was able to accept my addiction and learned
that I could not drink anymore or else I would surely get
drunk, go crazy or permanently dead.

I had a family and life ahead of me, full of blessings
to be grateful for and remaining sober became my
responsibility and that gave me a purpose in life.

Thru my sober years, so many folks living in recovery,
shared their experiences, strengths and hopes guiding
me each step of the way so that I could and would
achieve the miracles of life many of us would take
for granted.

Don't give up until the miracles happen. And
they will for you too.

Dee74

I hope you will check in and let us know how you are Lila

D

Lila12

Thank you everyone.

I'm really really scared.

Yesterday could have been day one, but I drank 2 beers and then I don't even know how much whiskey.

I keep going because I'm dealthy afraid of the withdrawals.

I don't have insurance so rehab is not an option as well as the fact that I am alone..

I have one benzodiazapine until Monday afternoon.

I dread the nightmares I know are coming..

I hate myself

Mizz

This state you are in can be changed.
If you need a medical detox perhaps you might consider going to the hospital and telling the professionals of your situation.
Insurance or not, the medical professionals cannot deny you treatment.

I do wish for you health and peace, and to make the decision that will save your life. You can do this. You have the power to change your circumstances.

Lila12

Mizz they don't treat people witha acohol problems very well here or I would.

They just lock you up with no medication

advbike

I’m sorry you're in such pain, Lila. We all care about you and want you to get healthy. Balancing alcohol withdrawal with benzos is difficult, so I understand your anxiety must be high, and that feeds the cycle. Have you done any deep breathing exercises? They can really help. Hard alcohol is very bad for our system, but you can get out of this. You have done it before! Please use the links that Dee provided and call 911 if you have to, then ask for a medical detox. Tell them you are on benzos also. And please keep posting here.

aasharon90

We in recovery do understand withdrawal symptoms, because
all of us have had to go thru them when beginning our recovery
journey in life.

Before i began my rehab experience, i saw a physician first
so that he could determine my frame of mind and my health.

Come to find out, i was healthy enough to not need any kind
of meds to help with withdrawal symptoms. Which for me was
okay.

For the first 2 weeks, i did exercises to sweat out all those
toxins in my system. After that, when the fog cleared from
head, i was able to focus on what they were going to teach
me about addiction and its effects on our heart, mind and
souls.

You will often hear that it is not wise to stop drinking abruptly,
depending on how long one has been drinking or using. Many
have turned to their own personal physicians to get a check
up and talk to them about your desire to stop drinking and
to honestly let them know your history of drinking and or meds,
drugs, so that he or she can treat you properly.

When ever i go see a doctor, which is rare, but during the
course of my sobriety, i am up front and firm letting my doctors
know that I am in recovery and if any meds are to be administered,
that it not be narcotic or habit forming, to not interfere with
my on going addiction recovery.

Take small steps and start with your physician asking for
help or guidance into seeking help with your addiction. Many
doctors or nurses can refer you to where to get that all
important help in getting sober.

This way, you are not alone in beginning your own recovery
journey.

Dee74

That sounds terrible. Are you not in the USA?

D

Lila12

I am in the US. The state I'm in is terrible with any kind of help.

Steely

Do you think you need medical detox Lila?

Is it possible for you to make contact with the doctor who prescribed you the Valium and have another script written up? Maybe, you've run out too soon, and can't? What you think the doctor would say if you asked? Or, maybe you got the Valium from a friend, idk?

I still think it's worthwhile to ask.

If no go keep well hydrated and rest. Oats are good for tiny bit of food.

Do you have a friend to rely on? Someone to be with you if you're afraid? Maybe talk with a drug and alcohol line for assessment, further advice.

We're on your side Lila. Keep posting.