Day 1 again
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by MaximusD 
Being an alcoholic, unfortunately carries a certain stigma that I would like to not voluntarily announce.
If you think about and if I were easily offended, I could be hurt by your comment, because it can be taken as you are better than us alcoholics. But I am not easily offended and I can relate to how hard it is to come to grips with ownership/ramifications/admissions of being an alcoholic. It ain't easy!
When I got the point where I could honestly and without any reservations say the short complete sentence "I am an alcoholic." without any buts, or yeahbuts, or justifications/rationalizations/explanations, or spin whatsoever; at that point, my life didn't end...it started...and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I may be an alcoholic, but I am becoming a better person because of it., because it led me to recovery. In recovery, I started becoming the person I was meant to be, a person I can feel good about. I am a sober alcoholic and a work in progress at being a good human being. :~)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome back Max! I am glad you decided to post again. It sounds like online AA meetings might be a good support for you, did you try any today?
I get how crazy life is with littles, I am on the other end of it now, my kids are 14, 17, and 18 and when people tell you that time flies, it really does. Getting sober and being fully present for your kids is something you will never regret, and something they will always remember. I know the early days are hard, but you can do this!!
❤️ Delilah
I get how crazy life is with littles, I am on the other end of it now, my kids are 14, 17, and 18 and when people tell you that time flies, it really does. Getting sober and being fully present for your kids is something you will never regret, and something they will always remember. I know the early days are hard, but you can do this!!
❤️ Delilah
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
I appreciate all the kind words. I am still struggling to find my day one but it will need to be today so I can get work done. It's gotten to the point where I find relief once my BAC gets up a little again. Defintely have escalated this addiction is recent months but I am also escalating my support system as well.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,945
Use all the help you can, Max. You’re certainly beating yourself up which is understandable, but it’s obvious you’ve got loads to offer those around you.
I don’t really understand where all this alcohol is coming from. About a month ago I posted about a tiny bottle of whisky I’d had in my kitchen and how it was playing on my mind. I poured it away and only then had a sniff, and I have to be honest, it smelt very appealing. But hey, it was down the sink by then. How comes you have access to all this alcohol if you don’t mind me asking?
Anyway, I’m not going to give you a hard time
I’d prefer you to stick around and work this nasty situation out.
I don’t really understand where all this alcohol is coming from. About a month ago I posted about a tiny bottle of whisky I’d had in my kitchen and how it was playing on my mind. I poured it away and only then had a sniff, and I have to be honest, it smelt very appealing. But hey, it was down the sink by then. How comes you have access to all this alcohol if you don’t mind me asking?
Anyway, I’m not going to give you a hard time
I’d prefer you to stick around and work this nasty situation out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 398
Hi Max
Welcome!! I had the same feeling of what would people think and I didnt want others to know as I felt that it was awful to admit to being an alcoholic. Then I realised something. Everyone I loved and who was important to me already knew without me having to say a word. Even others knew like my manager at work. I thought I was so clever at hiding my addiction but in reality I wasnt and everyone knew I had a problem. Once I opened up and started talking to my important people and my manager at work I found that I had a level of support there I never knew I could have. I always worried that they would look down on me and berate me but no they have been amazing! The longer i was sober for I also realised that I dont care what people think!! Like fishkiller said I would rather people know I'm a recovering alcoholic than an active alcoholic. Trust your loved ones and try not to let others get to you (easier said than done at times I know!). We worry so much about how others perceive but invariably our idea is worse than the reality. Online AA meetings helped me so much in my early days as did being on here!!! The advice and support I got from these guys was and still is invaluable!! Having children isnt easy in this equation either but you can do this. I had to find other ways to lose my stress when they drove me nuts. My favourite at one point was to go and beat up my pillow and scream very loud into it! Sounds odd but it helped until I learnt other methods like mindfulness and teaching my mind to step back and not answer and think before I responded! Not easy with a near 15yr whining in your face that they cant find something that is in actual fact in front of them! Honestly though you will find coping mechanisms that work so much better than the drink and then following stress and hangover I promise.
One day at a time to remember to never take that first drink. Sending you hugs xx
Welcome!! I had the same feeling of what would people think and I didnt want others to know as I felt that it was awful to admit to being an alcoholic. Then I realised something. Everyone I loved and who was important to me already knew without me having to say a word. Even others knew like my manager at work. I thought I was so clever at hiding my addiction but in reality I wasnt and everyone knew I had a problem. Once I opened up and started talking to my important people and my manager at work I found that I had a level of support there I never knew I could have. I always worried that they would look down on me and berate me but no they have been amazing! The longer i was sober for I also realised that I dont care what people think!! Like fishkiller said I would rather people know I'm a recovering alcoholic than an active alcoholic. Trust your loved ones and try not to let others get to you (easier said than done at times I know!). We worry so much about how others perceive but invariably our idea is worse than the reality. Online AA meetings helped me so much in my early days as did being on here!!! The advice and support I got from these guys was and still is invaluable!! Having children isnt easy in this equation either but you can do this. I had to find other ways to lose my stress when they drove me nuts. My favourite at one point was to go and beat up my pillow and scream very loud into it! Sounds odd but it helped until I learnt other methods like mindfulness and teaching my mind to step back and not answer and think before I responded! Not easy with a near 15yr whining in your face that they cant find something that is in actual fact in front of them! Honestly though you will find coping mechanisms that work so much better than the drink and then following stress and hangover I promise.
One day at a time to remember to never take that first drink. Sending you hugs xx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
There is no shame in seeking help. Its terrifying at first but as time moves on, in sobriety, it just might be the best step taken.
I attended AA meetings with the camera off for awhile. I think I attended for 2 months. I called myself Chamomile.
I live in a small community, and I really did not want to expose myself. I was vulnerable and raw. Ashamed. Guilt ridden. Embarrassed.
My own mental health suffered big time when I was drinking. A walking ball of nerves. It took me quite awhile to get level and to see that I was in recovery. Quite awhile. I just stayed the course. What really helped me? A structured plan.
Wake, participate here, spiritual practice, run or weights, food, work, home, food, bath, participate here, Sleep. Rinse and repeat every single day until I "felt" like I had a grip on my life.
Today, I enjoy the structure and its no longer a set of tasks to do. I do not attend AA but do believe the program is beneficial and has helped many many people. If you dont identify with AA then build your own program and follow it to a tee. You can recover. You are a powerful human with unlimited potential. You can change your life.
I attended AA meetings with the camera off for awhile. I think I attended for 2 months. I called myself Chamomile.
I live in a small community, and I really did not want to expose myself. I was vulnerable and raw. Ashamed. Guilt ridden. Embarrassed.
My own mental health suffered big time when I was drinking. A walking ball of nerves. It took me quite awhile to get level and to see that I was in recovery. Quite awhile. I just stayed the course. What really helped me? A structured plan.
Wake, participate here, spiritual practice, run or weights, food, work, home, food, bath, participate here, Sleep. Rinse and repeat every single day until I "felt" like I had a grip on my life.
Today, I enjoy the structure and its no longer a set of tasks to do. I do not attend AA but do believe the program is beneficial and has helped many many people. If you dont identify with AA then build your own program and follow it to a tee. You can recover. You are a powerful human with unlimited potential. You can change your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Thanks for your kind posts and words everyone. I read them all. I have been away as I have been in the depths of a pretty brutal hangover that I am still not out of more than 36 hours in! I am on day 2 and now just wanting this damn hangover to go away. I have an appointment today with department of pschiatry to go down that road as well.
Hodd, there is a store just down the street from me with a never ending supply of that poison and I have gotten way to good at smuggling that stuff back.
Hodd, there is a store just down the street from me with a never ending supply of that poison and I have gotten way to good at smuggling that stuff back.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by MaximusD
Hey everyone,
I have gone downhill pretty far since I was last active on here. I have started to have some pretty serious mental health issues surrounding my alcoholism. Some things that I have in the plan.
1. Stop drinking. (Easier said than done)
2. I have an appointment with a therapist who will look into a psychologist. I firmly believe that my drinking stems from self medication due to anxiety (And now depression)
3. Stay active here.
I am inching ever so closer to losing everything. I have mostly been able to function up until now and hide this ailment from the majority of people in my life but it seems we are running out of grace and rightfully so. I have a pretty pissed off family. This is my first step reaching out here.
I have gone downhill pretty far since I was last active on here. I have started to have some pretty serious mental health issues surrounding my alcoholism. Some things that I have in the plan.
1. Stop drinking. (Easier said than done)
2. I have an appointment with a therapist who will look into a psychologist. I firmly believe that my drinking stems from self medication due to anxiety (And now depression)
3. Stay active here.
I am inching ever so closer to losing everything. I have mostly been able to function up until now and hide this ailment from the majority of people in my life but it seems we are running out of grace and rightfully so. I have a pretty pissed off family. This is my first step reaching out here.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Hi Max, well done for posting, I know it isn't easy.
Just try to remember that although it will be tough for a couple of months of withdrawal, it won't be like that beyond it, it well get easier, much easier. Good luck.
Just try to remember that although it will be tough for a couple of months of withdrawal, it won't be like that beyond it, it well get easier, much easier. Good luck.
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