How do you have a good time without alcohol?
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,948
To be honest, that was my thought. It does initially seem inconceivable, especially in the U.K., not to drink again. A couple of things I then noticed. Firstly because my life had changed so much after quitting, the people I met up with were either non drinkers or did so occasionally. We have huge laughs without booze. Secondly, when I go to a pub now for a coffee, I notice how dull the drinkers are. They’re not having fun.
You can still have fun with friends without drinking. If you’re on this forum, you’re worried about your drinking, and you’re right to want to address that. Not drinking will open up new areas of your life. You’ll be better off and have more fun.
You can still have fun with friends without drinking. If you’re on this forum, you’re worried about your drinking, and you’re right to want to address that. Not drinking will open up new areas of your life. You’ll be better off and have more fun.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Dee74 
just enjoying yourself could be difficult if you're still subconsciously associating a loss of control with drinking and vice versa.
You would not be the first person in recovery to have a problem with letting go soberly.
You would not be the first person in recovery to have a problem with letting go soberly.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Mummyto2
Hi, congratulations on 4 years, i am at 3 weeks and this gives me hope, my plan is to do things/activities that does not involve being around alcohol or people that are drinking it, as its early days for me, i have always wanted to try yoga, where i live they do it on the beach when the weather is nice, now i have the confidence (being sober) and not the fake confidence (being drunk) i am going to give this a go and also all the other activities that alcohol prevented me doing.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
That is exactly it, you have hit the nail right on the head there 'letting go soberly' is what I can't do!
Gradually I exposed myself more and more to more challenging situations....it was a process rather than an event.
Due to Covid my last concert was probably Roger Waters - there must have been people drinking around me but it didn't come up on my radar at all. I was relaxed and I enjoyed the show a lot
Keep working at it !
D
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Join Date: Feb 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
Just based on the limited info in your post, I'm going to gently suggest that although you might miss the person you were when you were drinking, others likely don't.
But that aside, your post makes me sad because 4 years of sobriety is an amazing accomplishment, and there are so many here on SR and in the real world that are struggling to get 4 days under their belts and would do anything to achieve what you have achieved. I guess it is distressing to me that so many may read or hear a message from you that even 4 years out, there is no happiness except for the fake frenzied manic glee that came along with drinking.
But, you are definitely not responsible for others' recovery and happiness. I sincerely hope that there are parts of your sobriety that make you happy and that you are grateful for the healthy and peaceful life that you are living, live concert venues and romanticized drunken stupidity aside.
But that aside, your post makes me sad because 4 years of sobriety is an amazing accomplishment, and there are so many here on SR and in the real world that are struggling to get 4 days under their belts and would do anything to achieve what you have achieved. I guess it is distressing to me that so many may read or hear a message from you that even 4 years out, there is no happiness except for the fake frenzied manic glee that came along with drinking.
But, you are definitely not responsible for others' recovery and happiness. I sincerely hope that there are parts of your sobriety that make you happy and that you are grateful for the healthy and peaceful life that you are living, live concert venues and romanticized drunken stupidity aside.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by ShadowChick
That is exactly it, you have hit the nail right on the head there 'letting go soberly' is what I can't do!
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
This is certainly tough. I've haven't been sober as long as you, but there a few things that do help:
Rethink what's "fun."
Avoiding bars/drinking events: I did go to a big cousin's drinking party last year, and it was okay. I worked out before hand, brought my own non-alcoholic beverages and played cards all night. I had fun - but it was still awkward to be around all that heavy drinking as the sober one (and a guy who would've been rallying everyone to take more shots before).
For the most part, I avoid these kind of events. I've since realized there's a whole world of "fun" out there that has nothing to do with alcohol, something I literally could not have conceived in my 20s.
Rule of thumb: If something requires you to be drugged in order to enjoy it, it's actually pretty f'n lame.
Rethink what's "fun."
- Last summer I rented out a boat and my buddies and I went trolling for walleye on Lake Erie. Some of them drank as early as 6 a.m., but I didn't - and had a blast fishing all day and feeling the wind on my face.
- Kayaking.
- Hiking.
- Photography.
- Playing intense workout/VR games (I love my Oculus Quest 2).
- Hosting parties where I cook big meals/cookouts.
Avoiding bars/drinking events: I did go to a big cousin's drinking party last year, and it was okay. I worked out before hand, brought my own non-alcoholic beverages and played cards all night. I had fun - but it was still awkward to be around all that heavy drinking as the sober one (and a guy who would've been rallying everyone to take more shots before).
For the most part, I avoid these kind of events. I've since realized there's a whole world of "fun" out there that has nothing to do with alcohol, something I literally could not have conceived in my 20s.
Rule of thumb: If something requires you to be drugged in order to enjoy it, it's actually pretty f'n lame.
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Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
Maybe some of us our naturally 'letting go' people - I am for one am not...
I dislike parties, big meals, large social events. I only accepted that I don't like them in the last year, and I am now fine with it
I do find it hard to 'let go' without alcohol. With alcohol I let go way too much!
Now I am not sure how I will 'let go' - I feel it will involve music - in music I can always let go even if it's just in my mind.
Although I dislike big social events, I don't mind things like festivals as that is more unstructured and informal.
I dislike parties, big meals, large social events. I only accepted that I don't like them in the last year, and I am now fine with it
I do find it hard to 'let go' without alcohol. With alcohol I let go way too much!
Now I am not sure how I will 'let go' - I feel it will involve music - in music I can always let go even if it's just in my mind.
Although I dislike big social events, I don't mind things like festivals as that is more unstructured and informal.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
I don't go to many 'parties' or events, but am pretty laid back so can enjoy things like that as long as I don't stay too long. I'm a home-body and am happiest at home with my dog and cats.
But if I do go to some affair, I'm always glad I'm sober so I can focus on the event and enjoy it.
But if I do go to some affair, I'm always glad I'm sober so I can focus on the event and enjoy it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by dustyfox
Maybe some of us our naturally 'letting go' people - I am for one am not...
I dislike parties, big meals, large social events. I only accepted that I don't like them in the last year, and I am now fine with it
I do find it hard to 'let go' without alcohol. With alcohol I let go way too much!
Now I am not sure how I will 'let go' - I feel it will involve music - in music I can always let go even if it's just in my mind.
Although I dislike big social events, I don't mind things like festivals as that is more unstructured and informal.
I dislike parties, big meals, large social events. I only accepted that I don't like them in the last year, and I am now fine with it
I do find it hard to 'let go' without alcohol. With alcohol I let go way too much!
Now I am not sure how I will 'let go' - I feel it will involve music - in music I can always let go even if it's just in my mind.
Although I dislike big social events, I don't mind things like festivals as that is more unstructured and informal.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by least
I don't go to many 'parties' or events, but am pretty laid back so can enjoy things like that as long as I don't stay too long. I'm a home-body and am happiest at home with my dog and cats.
But if I do go to some affair, I'm always glad I'm sober so I can focus on the event and enjoy it.
But if I do go to some affair, I'm always glad I'm sober so I can focus on the event and enjoy it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 15
I would just like to say thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read and comment on this thread, you have all been very helpful and it is amazing how just talking can actually help. I have never used forums or anything like this before but I am so glad that I found this one and reached out! Thank you all so much! x
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,787
The late great philosopher, doctor, and musician Albert Schweitzer once said: There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. He was right. I grew up with cats and have always had cats ever since I was an adult on my own. I can't imagine living without cats in my life.
He was right. I grew up with cats and have always had cats ever since I was an adult on my own. I can't imagine living without cats in my life.Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
For me, the irony lay in the fact that my addiction put me on on bicycle, Lost my license and my vehicles.
Now I ride everywhere, everyday, I suppose it really became a part of my "way of life" when I got into recovery.
I was riding 12-15 miles a day to go to treatment. I used the time to...meditate...contemplate? A few years back I
impulsively decided to ride 100 miles to volunteer at the NYS Recovery Conference. Yes, I live in upstate/central NY. It's cold and there is snow, doesn't bother me one bit. As a matter of fact I find it easier to ride when it's...cooler. Below 10 degrees can get painful, but "suffering builds strength, and if you chase suffering it will disappear." Buddha said that and I believe him.
Regards,
Larry
PS I still go to Dead shows, but now I dance sober.
Now I ride everywhere, everyday, I suppose it really became a part of my "way of life" when I got into recovery.
I was riding 12-15 miles a day to go to treatment. I used the time to...meditate...contemplate? A few years back I
impulsively decided to ride 100 miles to volunteer at the NYS Recovery Conference. Yes, I live in upstate/central NY. It's cold and there is snow, doesn't bother me one bit. As a matter of fact I find it easier to ride when it's...cooler. Below 10 degrees can get painful, but "suffering builds strength, and if you chase suffering it will disappear." Buddha said that and I believe him.
Regards,
Larry
PS I still go to Dead shows, but now I dance sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 274
Originally Posted by ShadowChick
Oh I didn't mean for my post to come across that way! I am certainly in a better place now that I am not drinking, I am not denying that. It is just the letting go and having a good time thing that I am having issues with, which I guess is a small thing in the grand scheme of things. I do think it is a confidence thing more than anything to be honest, I have never been the most confident person, and that is one of the excuses I used in order to drink. I will defiantly do a post at some point soon explaining what I have been through on my journey, how bad things got and how much better things are now!
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