KAD65

Aside from moderators, I don't know if there's anyone else left here who might remember what was going on with me back in early 2015 when I was posting as GetMeOut. One thing I mentioned pretty frequently was my kids. I have refrained from talking about them anymore because it was getting much too personal. And there were a few times when I think some others who had painful memories of an alcoholic parent might have gotten triggered by what I was saying about my own personal experiences, and then that put me on the defensive. After that, I stopped talking about it.

The whole situation has played a huge role in my recovery journey, though, so it can't exactly be ignored. And maybe my story might help someone else here. It turned into a very convoluted and complicated mess, but suffice it to say, my attempts to take legal measures, on the advice of my sponsor and others, to fight for more time with my girls only led to more resentments on their behalf. Three years ago, they both wrote letters to me basically stating that they didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I promptly dropped all legal action. Even if I'd won, what exactly would I be winning? I attempted to write to them again, and they returned my letters unopened. They have essentially frozen me out.

After that happened, I stopped doing anything about my recovery other than not drinking. I stopped going to meetings, I stopped doing anything regarding my spiritual health, I stopped talking to a sponsor... I was just staying sober. Until last April, which I've already covered in other threads. Both of my daughters are of legal age now. The oldest just turned 21 last week. The youngest is 18. The only way I can attempt to communicate with them is through their mother, and I don't even know if she passes along my messages. If they ever do speak to me again, it will be entirely up to them now.

So, I share that as a crucial part of the outcome of my alcoholism, as well as my attempts in recovery to build relationships with people I hurt the most. It's just part of my story.

RunningScared

Thanks for your story.

Steely

I'm sorry KAD, it happens, and it's sad, and it's painful. Hopefully in time, things will change.

I think your best bet to work on your spiritual growth, let it shine, let the kids see it from afar.

If you found sustenance in AA, return there, there will be others who have experienced same, or similar. Share with these people as you've shared with us here.

Connection, KAD. Connection with others who understand.

Dee74

I hope one day you’ll be able to reestablish contact KAD.

and, please (everyone) do not worry about triggering others, at the cost of your own needs.
We can stop reading any threads where that might happen

D

Anna

KAD, I'm so glad that you posted about this because it's so important in your life. And, I'm really sorry for what's happened in your relationship with your daughters. I hope that, as they get a little older, they may change their minds about their feelings. As you said, you've reached out to them and you're sober and being the best person you can be. Beyond that, it's out of your control.

KAD65

Thanks for the kind and caring responses. I know that was a heavy load to dump on total strangers but, like I say, it's probably the most important aspect of how my addiction has impacted my life, and the lives of those who are more important to me than anyone else in the whole world. Repairing things with my kids was my primary focus throughout my recovery, probably to the extent that it actually distracted me from other important work on myself. I am good at finding distractions, as I touched on in another thread!

dustyfox

That is powerful stuff KAD - I feel your pain in your post.
Staying sober is the best possibly thing you can keep doing, so that one day , if, your daughters seek you out, they will see you for the loving Dad you undoubtedly are.
It is a cliche I know - but Time really is a great healer - I have seen healing take place over time - it can happen.
Thank you for your post.

Surrendered19

I'm so sorry KAD and I really appreciate your post. Hard for me to read because the consequences of my drinking and damage from my addiction were so similar initially.

It is a certainty that your daughters will change over time and so will you and I am filled with hope and optimism that your paths will converge again.

I think we can agree that the only way that will EVER happen is if your sobriety and recovery are solid and long-term.

Peace to you KAD.

KAD65

It's such a heavy and deeply personal story that I even resisted talking about it among fellow AA members. I felt like they were looking at me as though I did something wrong in my program (a couple actually suggested this) because "the promises" didn't happen for me the way I wanted them to more than anything else in the world. I was so overwhelmed with a roiling stew of emotions I wasn't even sure which ones I felt! Anger, hurt, and sadness were/are the dominant ones. But as has been suggested, if I am to survive, regardless of whatever happens pertaining to my children, I have to focus on my recovery. I'm the only person in this world I have no choice but to live with for the duration of my life.