Intrigued when people say
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
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Intrigued when people say
What happened to you to make you start drinking, I know bad things can start people drinking to excess to block certain things out, but that's not the case for everyone, à lot of people ie à therapist I went to years ago, he said what happened in you're childhood, I said nothing I had a great childhood, I didn't visit him again because he was trying to find something that wasn't there, has anyone else experienced that.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
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Never been to a therapist but nothing bad made me start drinking. Watching all the adults doing it and seeming to have fun made me wonder what it was about.
Somewhere around the age of 12 or 13 I decided to try it. That was it. I just wanted to fit in. To be cool. That first time hooked me. Hard. It become an obsession almost immediately. Before I was 16 I was drinking almost every day.
My childhood was not all unicorns and rainbows but it was a good childhood.
So no, heavy drinking is not always caused by trauma. I am proof. I believe I was born with an allergy or something. Starting so early in life stunted so much growth it took decades to realize my reality was anything but reality. My drink and drug use caused my problems.
Alcohol is of no value to us.
No matter how or why we got here
Somewhere around the age of 12 or 13 I decided to try it. That was it. I just wanted to fit in. To be cool. That first time hooked me. Hard. It become an obsession almost immediately. Before I was 16 I was drinking almost every day.
My childhood was not all unicorns and rainbows but it was a good childhood.
So no, heavy drinking is not always caused by trauma. I am proof. I believe I was born with an allergy or something. Starting so early in life stunted so much growth it took decades to realize my reality was anything but reality. My drink and drug use caused my problems.
Alcohol is of no value to us.
No matter how or why we got here
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Many addicts (drug, alcohol, etc) have in fact suffered various sorts of trauma, abuse or dysfunction in their childhoods, and drink to block their emotional pain. It is very common, so probably why he was asking. An expert in this field is Dr Gabor Mate, who wrote an excellent book on the topic - In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts. I highly recommend it. There are others who may be predisposed to anxiety, or shyness, who find socializing difficult, and start drinking, then become dependent. No matter the initial reason, after some period of time alcohol dependency frequently escalates to addiction.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I have experienced that. Folks searching to figure me out. I am proud to say I have had about a dozen therapy sessions and they help.
Talking about what bothers me, to someone that is trying to help me, feels good and bad. Overall, I think it is good, but I found that verbalizing my thoughts, really trying to articulate them, makes them seem more real. Of course they are real thoughts, but talking about them makes them stronger.
This strengthening of my thoughts, so far, has seemed to make me feel more grounded.
This grounded feeling carries right into my most important action...Never never never ever ever drinking booze again. It is poison.
It is not just poison to me, it is poison to everyone. Drinkers get defensive when told that even a few drinks a month, strengthen the addiction. The only way is never drinking/drugging. Then the body can normalize. My wife complained of feeling anxious and having sleep issues. I told her to quit drinking. She went from 0 anger to 100 yesterday because I suggested her drinking was a root cause of these issues. It is ok. At least I try. At least I try. Regardless, of how mad she got, she might think twice next time folks are having cocktails.
Thanks for the therapy.
Love always.
Talking about what bothers me, to someone that is trying to help me, feels good and bad. Overall, I think it is good, but I found that verbalizing my thoughts, really trying to articulate them, makes them seem more real. Of course they are real thoughts, but talking about them makes them stronger.
This strengthening of my thoughts, so far, has seemed to make me feel more grounded.
This grounded feeling carries right into my most important action...Never never never ever ever drinking booze again. It is poison.
It is not just poison to me, it is poison to everyone. Drinkers get defensive when told that even a few drinks a month, strengthen the addiction. The only way is never drinking/drugging. Then the body can normalize. My wife complained of feeling anxious and having sleep issues. I told her to quit drinking. She went from 0 anger to 100 yesterday because I suggested her drinking was a root cause of these issues. It is ok. At least I try. At least I try. Regardless, of how mad she got, she might think twice next time folks are having cocktails.
Thanks for the therapy.
Love always.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Gabor Mate is heroic in his dealings with people with addiction, and his book 'In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts' is, I think, his best.
I did have a traumatic childhood and anxiety/depression runs in my family.
I did have a traumatic childhood and anxiety/depression runs in my family.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
Definitely some things set the stage. I had some extreme highs and lows.
The first night that I drank until I threw up I was 14. Not until my early 40s could I see that it was the beginning of my active alcoholism. I was smoking pot here and there already for several years but pot did not do the trick.
Maybe oversimplified, what happened....
I was full of fear, my communication with others was shaky. Though i found ways to fit in sometimes, i guess. It wasn't easy and I had a lot of problems socially. I had a people problem. Suddenly this magic of alcohol took over and I had no fear and felt like I could do no wrong. I could be a part of the group. I suddenly liked people instead of fearing that they thought I was a loser. I guess I didn't stop to think what they thought. That next morning after throwing up it was so bright and sunny. I felt great. I was too young to feel the hangover and I felt like I had found the answers in life.
Much of the obsession was probably built in from my culture. The way drinking was seen was seen in TV and movies and my family was Polish (living in America for 80+ years before I was born) so I kind of assumed all men drank and expected myself to drink as much as I expected to shave someday. That first night of drinking to excess really cemented the obsession to drink.
Those were the ingredients right there for alcoholism. I experienced the allergy to alcohol. I could not control how much I drank or how I behaved. Even if it seemed to work out in my favor that night. Along with obsession to drink.
The first night that I drank until I threw up I was 14. Not until my early 40s could I see that it was the beginning of my active alcoholism. I was smoking pot here and there already for several years but pot did not do the trick.
Maybe oversimplified, what happened....
I was full of fear, my communication with others was shaky. Though i found ways to fit in sometimes, i guess. It wasn't easy and I had a lot of problems socially. I had a people problem. Suddenly this magic of alcohol took over and I had no fear and felt like I could do no wrong. I could be a part of the group. I suddenly liked people instead of fearing that they thought I was a loser. I guess I didn't stop to think what they thought. That next morning after throwing up it was so bright and sunny. I felt great. I was too young to feel the hangover and I felt like I had found the answers in life.
Much of the obsession was probably built in from my culture. The way drinking was seen was seen in TV and movies and my family was Polish (living in America for 80+ years before I was born) so I kind of assumed all men drank and expected myself to drink as much as I expected to shave someday. That first night of drinking to excess really cemented the obsession to drink.
Those were the ingredients right there for alcoholism. I experienced the allergy to alcohol. I could not control how much I drank or how I behaved. Even if it seemed to work out in my favor that night. Along with obsession to drink.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
I think it's proven there is a link between childhood trauma and addiction, and there are also genetic reasons for addiction.
This doesn't take away personal responsibility, and it is clear some people are addicted without either of these factors.
I'm committed to complete personal overhaul, not for any other purpose than I want to be happy. Therefore understanding why I am like I am is really important to me, and also key to me not drinking. It's not for everyone , but for me it is. I have three brothers, two of whom are addicts, the third a very heavy drinker. That asks for investigation to my inquisitive mind!
This doesn't take away personal responsibility, and it is clear some people are addicted without either of these factors.
I'm committed to complete personal overhaul, not for any other purpose than I want to be happy. Therefore understanding why I am like I am is really important to me, and also key to me not drinking. It's not for everyone , but for me it is. I have three brothers, two of whom are addicts, the third a very heavy drinker. That asks for investigation to my inquisitive mind!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Both my parents drank and it did kill my father at a young age. Whatever negative childhood experiences I went through, I made peace with long ago- and it was nothing too severe. I drank because I liked it and after a long time it just took control until I wasn't driving my own bus any longer. I don't have to examine why I started, I'm pretty clear on that. I MUST however, learn as much as I can about why I have to stay stopped. That's where my work lies.
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
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I sometimes wonder if too much emphasis is spent on discovering root cause of drinking versus just working on stopping, then working on issues past and present. I have seen some people need this root cause to sober up. I have also seen people keep drinking until they find the root cause, and never find it. It’s almost always going to be a complicated answer of several things such has upbringing, environment, genetics and various issues we all have in varying degrees.
I had a therapist once who focused on my reclaiming myself and my self worth versus digging into deep seated root causes. It worked for me, and I saw her for like 8 months. I can’t say that I quit yet drinking tho. I still had my part. I also had a therapists demand I be sober a year. It’s like you need to shop around and find one who works for you and your goals. Hard truths are one thing, but if you didn’t mesh…then look into another one. Maybe a deep down issue will come up later when you’re comfortable.
I had a therapist once who focused on my reclaiming myself and my self worth versus digging into deep seated root causes. It worked for me, and I saw her for like 8 months. I can’t say that I quit yet drinking tho. I still had my part. I also had a therapists demand I be sober a year. It’s like you need to shop around and find one who works for you and your goals. Hard truths are one thing, but if you didn’t mesh…then look into another one. Maybe a deep down issue will come up later when you’re comfortable.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
It's fascinating to me, all the different stories and how we all started etc, yes I agree that sometimes perhaps we don't need to focus why and just focus on stopping forever and not killing ourselves with the poison, thérapy can and has helped countless people, not for me though, what's good for someone else may not be the same for another person, thanks for sharing your stories, enjoy the rest of Sunday.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
What's good for some may not be good for others is true.
I believe we should leave the door open to all options though.
I have been to therapy as a youth but it was forced upon me so obviously no good was gonna come from that. I have not voluntarily gone to therapy ever. I don't necessarily plan to. However before I go off the deep end I vow to exhaust all options.
Nothing is set in stone.
I will do what it takes.
Even if I tried it before with less than stellar results.
We don't always get it right the 1st time.
Never give up
I believe we should leave the door open to all options though.
I have been to therapy as a youth but it was forced upon me so obviously no good was gonna come from that. I have not voluntarily gone to therapy ever. I don't necessarily plan to. However before I go off the deep end I vow to exhaust all options.
Nothing is set in stone.
I will do what it takes.
Even if I tried it before with less than stellar results.
We don't always get it right the 1st time.
Never give up
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Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
Fascinating to read people's experience and thoughts on this.
Why did I start - what led me to drain that first bottle and quickly seek it again - like all of us it there are many reasons - to try and find something that is missing, to stop feeling alone, or empty and believe drinking will fill the hole, to mask the hurt , disguise the pain.
Or maybe we feel nothing at all, and the drink help us to feel something....to feel intensity, to believe for a moment we are experiencing life at an amazing level as our senses become unreliable and we are unable to process information properly and life seems without limitations.
Whatever the reasons, one thing has become blindingly obvious to me, that drinking will Kill us, will take away every possibility of happiness and peace, an the utter blarney, or feeling life more intensely is revealed for the nonsense that it is.
Sobriety is to feel life in it's most intense and limitless form.
Why did I start - what led me to drain that first bottle and quickly seek it again - like all of us it there are many reasons - to try and find something that is missing, to stop feeling alone, or empty and believe drinking will fill the hole, to mask the hurt , disguise the pain.
Or maybe we feel nothing at all, and the drink help us to feel something....to feel intensity, to believe for a moment we are experiencing life at an amazing level as our senses become unreliable and we are unable to process information properly and life seems without limitations.
Whatever the reasons, one thing has become blindingly obvious to me, that drinking will Kill us, will take away every possibility of happiness and peace, an the utter blarney, or feeling life more intensely is revealed for the nonsense that it is.
Sobriety is to feel life in it's most intense and limitless form.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
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I had an idyllic childhood and my only crisis growing up was that I was not popular in high school and didn't have a lot of friends. After high school, my crisis was my mom and dad divorcing and dad moving away.
I took the MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory) when I was young and the results said I had an addictive personality. I drank a lot in my youth and then quit for 20 yrs.
Broke my 20 yrs of abstinence when I started having a glass or two of wine before my teenage kids got home from school, just so I'd be 'calm' and not engage with my youngest if she was spoiling for a fight.
Within six months, I was drinking everyday, all day. It took me another two years to quit again.
I don't think I can blame any 'childhood trauma' for my drinking. I just drank, despite being a fairly happy well adjusted person.
I took the MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory) when I was young and the results said I had an addictive personality. I drank a lot in my youth and then quit for 20 yrs.
Broke my 20 yrs of abstinence when I started having a glass or two of wine before my teenage kids got home from school, just so I'd be 'calm' and not engage with my youngest if she was spoiling for a fight.
Within six months, I was drinking everyday, all day. It took me another two years to quit again.
I don't think I can blame any 'childhood trauma' for my drinking. I just drank, despite being a fairly happy well adjusted person.
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Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: Central NC
Posts: 205
Anxiety and depression were definite reasons alcohol appealed to me. I didn't seek it out for that reason, but once I was exposed, the way it seemed to melt those problems away completely was what kept me chasing after that feeling for the next 30 years. Interesting, though, how it eventually "turned" on me and made the anxiety and depression worse than ever.
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Join Date: Dec 2021
Posts: 3,143
The first time I drank alcohol as a teenager I got drunk. From that time forward, I drank almost always to excess. I think there are several reasons why I did so and sometimes these reasons were the same and sometimes they were different during different periods of my life. Some day maybe I’ll figure it all out.
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Join Date: Dec 2021
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by RecklessDrunk 
Maybe oversimplified, what happened....
I was full of fear, my communication with others was shaky. Though i found ways to fit in sometimes, i guess. It wasn't easy and I had a lot of problems socially. I had a people problem. Suddenly this magic of alcohol took over and I had no fear and felt like I could do no wrong. I could be a part of the group. I suddenly liked people instead of fearing that they thought I was a loser. I guess I didn't stop to think what they thought. That next morning after throwing up it was so bright and sunny. I felt great. I was too young to feel the hangover and I felt like I had found the answers in life.
I was full of fear, my communication with others was shaky. Though i found ways to fit in sometimes, i guess. It wasn't easy and I had a lot of problems socially. I had a people problem. Suddenly this magic of alcohol took over and I had no fear and felt like I could do no wrong. I could be a part of the group. I suddenly liked people instead of fearing that they thought I was a loser. I guess I didn't stop to think what they thought. That next morning after throwing up it was so bright and sunny. I felt great. I was too young to feel the hangover and I felt like I had found the answers in life.
Originally Posted by tornrealization
I sometimes wonder if too much emphasis is spent on discovering root cause of drinking versus just working on stopping, then working on issues past and present. I have seen some people need this root cause to sober up. I have also seen people keep drinking until they find the root cause, and never find it. It’s almost always going to be a complicated answer of several things such has upbringing, environment, genetics and various issues we all have in varying degrees.
I had a therapist once who focused on my reclaiming myself and my self worth versus digging into deep seated root causes. It worked for me, and I saw her for like 8 months. I can’t say that I quit yet drinking tho. I still had my part. I also had a therapists demand I be sober a year. It’s like you need to shop around and find one who works for you and your goals. Hard truths are one thing, but if you didn’t mesh…then look into another one. Maybe a deep down issue will come up later when you’re comfortable.
I had a therapist once who focused on my reclaiming myself and my self worth versus digging into deep seated root causes. It worked for me, and I saw her for like 8 months. I can’t say that I quit yet drinking tho. I still had my part. I also had a therapists demand I be sober a year. It’s like you need to shop around and find one who works for you and your goals. Hard truths are one thing, but if you didn’t mesh…then look into another one. Maybe a deep down issue will come up later when you’re comfortable.
. Then again, at 64 those issues don't really bother me much anymore. I'm pretty sure that if there was trauma involved it would be different though.Now that I've been AF for a while and I'm feeling stronger and more stable, I've started working on my other issues. I'm finding it a lot easier to do now, so this is working for me but that's just me. Like with most things in life we all have to find what works for us and the situation we're in.
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